in the word wednesday

“Katy girl…as you continue to release, trusting in Him completely, you will be utterly amazed at what He will do with and through you.  You remind me of Esther. She waited, studied, questioned as she allowed herself to be prepared. When/As she walked into her destiny she gave all, trusting completely in God fully aware that even her life was at stake.  She allowed herself to be completely vulnerable and exposed…for such a time as this.  God will lead you to the very place He is even now preparing you for.”

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves.  Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16

Words stay with me.  Long after they have been spoken or written I carry them along.  Sometimes I really need to learn how to hit the delete button faster, but other times the words carry God-weighted goodness. The words above I’ve held in my heart for well over a year and still have the cute card.  God whispered words encouraging me along the way to trust, let go of the masks, and embrace the adventure even with the risks.  Whereas, the verse above is one that I am carrying, mulling it over, pondering it, holding it in my heart just since last week.  When it was spoken, I didn’t recognize the context and didn’t fully see the implication.

After reading Matthew 10, I held my breath.  Jesus called them each by name. Gave them a charge to go to the lost sheep.  Sent them among the wolves.  Gave them power to heal, cleanse, raise the dead, and cast out demons.  To freely give because they had freely received.  To love much because they had been forgiven much.  To endure to the end even while others hate them because of His name’s sake.  To remember how valuable they are and that God will take care of them.  To take up their cross.  To give to the little ones.  To teach and preach and be like the Teacher. To speak what is given to them by the Spirit of the Father.

With the verse came the charge and the  confidence that the armor (Ephesians 6) has been given for me to wear into this battle.  To be like Esther knowing full well that lives are at stake–not just mine–but to trust and walk forward in obedience confidently with Him.  While knowing that He has a purpose for such a time as this as well a time for preparation and becoming…wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove.

 

 

Pouring Over The List Of Joy

Hi friends. I found myself talking out loud about joy this last week and…there’s a bit of wonder and a glimpse of God in expressing these little nothings in spoken, real words to someone else.  In the midst of my words, I found I got caught up all over again in the moments. literally lost as if all around me faded until I brought myself back to the conversation. That’s where I find myself when I share them here…pouring over my list, remembering, seeing afresh the ways that God shows up in all things and picking a few to share with you…

562. making happy spaces in nooks and corners

566. laughing at tomtom

572. buying my first pair of TOMS

582. smushing ice down while walking

591. getting teary eyed during UP

617. questions that make me ponder me

629. being a words girl that has to add words to the picture

641. mama buying me rain boots

643. seeing christmas lights on a drive

649. putting my feelings to songs

655. writing in new colors in my bible

678. walks…going on them, remembering them, looking forward to them

703. listening to others share and sharing about what makes each of our faces light up

What about you? I love hearing where you find joy…it adds to the wonder.

 

Wordless Wednesday

JOY

There. That three letter word up there captures 2010 for me. During debriefing in November, God showed me this was the word.  Weeks ago, I added a little button on the side of my blog that says: Choose Joy.  I love words.  I love capturing them in my heart and letting them resonate there until they reverberate in my words and actions.

The beginning of 2010 started in another state without much internet time and much time soaking up Him.  So, when the buzz filled the blog world about everyone’s “word” for the year, I downloaded and read. Then I hesitated, I held back, I debated in my head about my word.  Why? I wanted something with more movement, more boldness, more strength, more uniqueness, more oomph, more drive, more goal orientated, more specific.  I wanted a rare, special word only for me. I didn’t want my word used!

But in the running around, I’ve found joy being talked all over in new, fresh, unique ways that spoke to my heart.  I saw it everywhere. God kept pricking my heart and reminding me that He didn’t just pick any word. Oh no. He choose a word just for me. Just for this season. Because He delights in me. This is part of a bigger plan. A God-filled vision. A joyful me. He wants me to journey with joy this year. To choose joy.  To take this little three lettered word and stamp it on my heart so that everyone can see.  To let my words and actions be oozing with joy in an irresistible and contagious way that everyone can’t help but wonder and ask who is behind it all…because He is.

So, here I am…stepping out onto the water and flinging myself fully into the water so that I’m covered completely by Him.

“When my life is like a storm, rising waters all I want is the shore. You say I’ll be okay and make it through the rain. You are my shelter from the storm. And everything rides on hope now. Everything rides on faith somehow. When the world has broken me down, your love sets me free.”

“I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart.”

Pressing On

Nanowrimo weekly update: I am officially at 6,365 words!!! Still quite a ways to go, but I’m pretty happy with the progress. Not to mention that I’m absolutely loving writing about “God-threads” and fictionizing (yes, I made that word up, but I like it) events from a different perspective.  Here’s to 43,635 words to go!

p.s. I had a fabulous weekend full of worshiping on a mountain, eating pizza with some awesome people, playing spades, going on a walk, laughing, playing with kids at the park, and obviously some writing.  How was your weekend?

Weddings

One of my absolute favorite parts of a wedding is looking at the groom when the bride walks into the room.  Everyone stands up and turns to look at the bride, but I love seeing his face instead because I know she’ll be beaming all the way down the aisle.  He’s the one who is waiting at the end and can’t wait to meet her eyes.  Especially because when they finally see each other you just know so much love is being transferred through their eyes.

Some of you may know that I don’t really see in vivid “pictures,” but I see more in words, feelings, concepts.  I don’t know how to explain how I see other than not in clear, vibrant pictures.  All of that to say that today after I got back from a prayer walk I started asking God about what He sees and He gave me the verse 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”  Along with that, He showed me about how He sees me and how I am completely forgiven, clothed in an absolutely gorgeous white wedding dress.  To trump that, He is the groom looking with those expectant, excited, loving, forgiving, and full eyes.  I know, I know, sounds a bit lovey dovey and corny, but then there’s so much power in seeing ourselves as He actually sees us thanks to the blood of Christ.  When we fix our eyes on Him, we see that He has already won the race for us.  Such freedom in living and standing on His promises.

I Live in Africa.

Sometimes I forget.  Not like the forget in the sense that I feel like I’m in the States, but in the forget that I feel like I’m at home, I’ve always been here, I’ve always loved the people I love and it’s just life.  Life happens no matter where you’re at.  Whether in Africa you get to love on some kids at the park who will teach you how to say shoes, sun, ear, nose, and head in Sesotho or whether in the States you get to play in the nursery with one adorable pastor’s son.  In Africa, I’m surrounded by language barriers and yet love crosses them all.  I go with the flow and communicate as well as I can while picking up words here and there.  Yet, I am okay for now with not understanding everyone.  I can still love.  I can still hold them, let them play with my hair, have them teach me the language and give them a hug good-bye.  They have captured my heart in such a profound way.  And I struggle to find the words to share this, which is why I am so excited that in a few short days my parents can see my life firsthand.  They can get a glimpse of why I forget, why my hair is crazy in some pictures, and why I live in Africa.

I Love and Miss My Mama

Even when I’m having a weird, sad, crappy day she can make me smile and laugh with a couple of words:

“no wonder you are a little down

cold no sleep no cute guys”

Ha, she knows me too well 🙂

How Bad Do You Want It?

Great post about the importance of preparation and planning ahead.  I’ve been feeling the urge to get away and leave, but at the same time I’m preparing myself through seminary, the church plant, work, etc. for something else.  I don’t know what that “something” is yet, but when I look at this as a necessary time of preparation so that I can “win” then everything changes. Plus, Bobby Knight said the quote 🙂

Insecurity Sucks!

Speaking of preparation…here’s a bit of what the above post says:

Insecure leaders take everything personally (yep-check)

Insecure leaders spend too much time worrying what people think. (yep-check)

Here’s what the post’s response to insecurity is:

• Remember what God’s Word says about you. If insecurity is the bondage that holds you back, God’s words are the truths that will set you free. Believe them!
• People don’t think about you, the way you think they think about you. (read that again, slowly) It’s true, because they are too worried about what YOU think of THEM!

I’m nervous about a thing happening in about half an hour and this post reminded me of the power my words and others’ words have on me.  Though, along with that…perhaps my fear links back to that lovely little word “insecurity.”

Two books that I’m thinking about buying: Amish Grace and The Tipping Point

-Thoughts? Have you read them? Want to read them?

Pondering…

Pros

1. I like blogging
2. I like writing and expressing myself through words.
3. I love having a written record of events, thoughts and random things even if I only look back on it once or never do.
4. I enjoy seeing how many people visit my blog and sometimes leave comments
5. I hope that my words sometimes encourage, provide hope, invoke thinking, provide insight, are “real” and relatable to the people that read my blog
   • I like reading some blogs myself and I have been impacted by their words–even if I’m only a “lurker” and don’t always comment

Cons

1. I don’t know my audience
   • I don’t know how to engage authentic, open discussion and comments without knowing my audience
2. I’m not sure if blogging is a wise use of my time
3. Sometimes I look at the “stats” too often or want more comments…then I wonder why am I blogging.
   • EDIT: I realized that these two thoughts were not supposed to really flow together.  I meant this more of a “I don’t want to blog for the stats.  I want to blog for other reasons.  I want to have reasons for why I am blogging.” I did NOT intend it to come across as “If I don’t get high enough stats then why am I even blogging.”  Not sure if this is any clearer, but oh well.
4. I don’t really have a “purpose” to blog or a theme
   • The closest I have to a purpose is the hope that someone, somewhere might be positively affected by my words
5. I see value in the personal, honest posts yet I don’t want my blog to be a place to “vent” or “gossip” or anything related
6. I fear that I may have hurt or will hurt others who read my blog with my words–I don’t want to have a hidden agenda or use this space in an unkind way