deep breath…of hope

Hope

I breathe her in and start with just a little taste.  She seems familiar, but it’s been so long since I’ve tasted her goodness. I thought I didn’t want her hanging around, but then I slowly started letting her come back to play.  Once I started boldly and consistently confessing trust, there she was.  She showed up with her bright sun rays and dancing laughter.  She wanted me to come dream with her.    

Now, with trust, I’m un-digging my heels and stopping my tantrum to learn even more about trusting fully, but hope? That just seems a bit…risky.

Except the funny thing about hope is that she sneaks up on you.  You start trusting God with those heart desires and next thing you know hope has blossomed.  Deserts into Eden.  A beauty in the waiting with hope and anticipation.  A face set on His best no matter what it looks like.  So, I breathe her in deep even though it’s not what I intended.  A deep breath of resting and enjoying…the Gardener who is making my deserts oh so beautiful. 

Come play along with the 5 minutes of free writing on “Deep Breath.”

What are you breathing deeply lately? What are you hopeful for?

the icee that you can’t get open…

I’m the first grader with a juice icee in my hands.  Now, my Papa has already asked me if He could open it for me and reminded me to “not go out in haste.”  But…I see that the little side says, “tear here.” So, of course, I try to tear it and open it.  I try to do it by myself and make things work out how I think they should go.

After a few failures and a painful wound on my hand from trying to work it out, I give up.  I finally lift my head and realize instead of disappointment He is SO excited that I’ve turned back to Him to let Him work it out.  With a lot of hope and a smile I can’t keep back, I see that He is opening the icee.  I gleefully grab the deliciousness back and start to taste of its awesome, amazing goodness.

Only to realize that…wait. I can’t push the icee up all the way.  Part of the wrapper is still stubbornly holding together.  This good gift seemingly is taken away and with it goes my excitement, joy, and hope.  Instead of realizing that oh hey there’s just more work to be done in me and in this good gift, I stubbornly hold tightly to it and pout about how this sure isn’t the life I want.  I didn’t want a taste and then a rude snatching away.  I didn’t want a gift that hurt me.  I half try to throw the icee on the table because I don’t even know if I want it anymore. I don’t know if I even want to hope for it anymore.  But it sits there. Staring at me, taunting me.  Not to mention that it sure seems everywhere I look the other kids are happily eating their icees.  I throw my little fit and get mad that He would do this to me.

He listens. He catches my tears. He asks for the icee back and eventually…I’m good at throwing fits….I throw my hands up in the air and let go of the icee exlaiming, “Okay, I trust you. Whether I get that icee or I get cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory or I get oreos or I get water. I don’t deserve anything and even the air I breathe is a gift.  I trust that you know what I need, when I need it, and that You are for me. You give only good gifts and You give abundantly.  Plus, You know the perfect timing. But, please, help me keep giving it back when I try to pick it up again…”

With my hands empty of nothing but Him, I find it’s a little easier to receive, to hope, to embrace my place, to smile even in the rain…

Next time…I just need to let go a little sooner.

hands lifted up

At kids’ camp, I heard a comparison.  A simple one:  When we raise our hands up while singing during worship, we are like little children asking to be picked up.  I keep coming back to this in my heart so here’s my slightly expanded story version:

A little girl runs up to her father and stumbles on the way.  Skinned knees and teary eyes, she still looks up.  She sees her daddy’s eyes and flings her arms up in the air begging to be picked up. Oh, how she longs to be scooped up into her father’s loving arms!  Her heart is laid bare with its desire apparent: to be held.  She is vulnerable as she half lays on the ground yet knows that he is safe.  She puts herself fully in his care.  Finally, with a swoosh of air, she is shielded from all that surrounds as his strong arms draw her near.  She is so close that she can hear his heart beating.

Lately, I keep finding myself singing my heart out with arms held high. I find myself as that little girl who is working her way toward her Father’s arms.  Stumbling along the way and yet still reaching for Him.  Desiring to be held in His arms and to know that He’s taking care of it all.  Surrendering all to Him and gazing into His eyes. Because, really, it all comes down to….

trusting

that He will pick me up off the ground

that He is making all things beautiful

that He will do beyond all that I can ask or imagine

that His timing is best

that He holds my messy heart

that He will go back to Africa with me

that He is preparing us

that He loves us

—-

what are you trusting?

believe

“There is a safe place with the Lord where we don’t have to have all the answers”

-Angie Smith, I Will Carry You

As much as I love learning, asking questions, digging deep, and talking, I am thankful that at the end of the day I can find just as much joy in an “I don’t know” than an “Oh!! I get it now.” Not everything has a neat little bow and I’m okay with that. A little mystery, a little too BIG for me to understand, well, that all adds to the beauty of God. Even in the midst of trials and heart aching questions, I can still find rest in His arms. Even if I find myself with an “I don’t know,” it’ll be okay because at the end of the day I remember this….

I believe that God is who He says He is.

delight in Him…he will bring it to pass

when i find my heart and my head traveling

all sorts of ways and paths

questions and dreams

pouring out hope

i rest

my heart settles

into His loving arms

i trust that knowing Him is better

that He will have His way and bring it to pass

right here, right now…joy.

hello week. good-bye weekend. i feel like i need another weekend. seriously i’m finding that the days and weeks keep going faster and faster. before long…i’ll be old 😉 i feel like a happy broken record coming here each week and saying that joy is everywhere and that i feel so….loved. joyful. at peace. excited. at home. seriously, y’all (i’m not southern but i just felt like saying that), God is so very faithful. months ago, one of my intern people told me about how when he was praying for me that he saw a book where i needed to focus on the page at hand rather than look ahead to the end. i think i’m finally starting to live like that and trust God like that. saying hello to the new adventure right here, right now and not trying to make another adventure happen on my own.  so, without further ado, here are some snapshots of joy…

816. knowing that people have my back

830. more swings, more swings (cute little kiddos on the playground)

871. eating brownies with a spoon from the pan with my people

876. melting into peace

879. moments where my heart stops in a good way

880. memories i want to hold onto

888. closing my eyes to soak up the moment

908. bananagrams and cribbage and laughing and fabulous people

938. watching life!

and before you run off…don’t forget to comment because it makes my heart happy to hear from you all! did you watch life? what was the highlight of your week? anything I can be praying for you about?

p.s. i’m SO close to 1000 gifts. 🙂

 

Works for Wednesday

Work=activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

Ergon (Greek word): deed, doing, labor, work. From a primary (but obsolete) ergo (to work); toil (as an effort or occupation); by implication, an act — deed, doing, labour, work.

John 6:27-29

“Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.”

Therefore they said to Him, “What shall we do, so that we may work the works of God?”

Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent.”

I read this passage and walked away wondering…Am I trying to make this so complicated? Am I trying to find a formula or isolate those areas that “work” for me rather than keeping it as simple as believing in Him? Maybe, just maybe, it’s more of a risk in trust to venture confidently with belief rather than reason, logic and oh, yes…experiences or what’s worked in the past. I don’t want to get what I’ve always gotten…I want to let Him take me places that go beyond what I can ask or imagine.

Just a few rough-edged thoughts…what do you think?

Trusting God

In doing a little word study on trust, I found this definition…

(n.) To risk; to venture confidently.

Love it…and I’ll be mulling that one over for sure this weekend!

What do you think of about trust? How do you define it?

Or if you need a bit of a lighter mix, what are you looking forward to most this weekend?

Multitude Monday

I am really starting to look forward to this post every week! I find myself reflecting on the day with such joy in the simple, little things.  Seeking out the little and BIG ways that God shows up in my life helps me keep my eyes on Him rather than getting distracted or letting the day go by unnoticed.  Without further ado, here is a glimpse into last week:

280. Listening to a song on repeat

282. Comment love

290. Long-term sub position!!!

301. Tokbox chatting with interns 🙂

319. The feeling after I’ve cleaned out my inbox

326. Sentences that challenge

336. Learning to trust God more

How was your week? Any big or little moments of joy that caught your eye?

 

Counting the Day

Countdowns…I got rid of mine.  Why? Because I want to live in the present.  I don’t want to get distracted by the “what if” or “I wish” or “I can’t wait until..” game like I have before.  In the past, I’ve written posts about things I’m looking forward to and how far away they are.  Some of those countdowns aren’t as exciting anymore or don’t have the same significance.  Some take/took away my focus and let me play those games of selfishly wanting things as they are not.

I refuse to complain or get caught up in the wilderness because of my selfish desires.  Instead of counting down, I’m asking God to help me count the day, the season, the moment.  To take that step into the Promised Land.  To let go of my picture of what I want life to be and trust that He wants to give me a life that is immeasurably more than the anything I could dream up for myself.

To take up my cross daily and to die to myself for Him.  To live in such a way that the Holy Spirit guides my path and every word.  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead by focusing on what I can do today to press into Him and dig deep to have more of Him and less of me. The rest doesn’t matter.

I need to obey today because if I love him, I will obey His commands no matter what.