Bam!

If you know me even a little, then you probably know that I tend to think….think a lot.  Sometimes to the point where it gets in the way and puts up walls (not a good thing) and stops things from going from my head to my heart.  The last few days I got all caught up in the thinking.  The heady, here’s what experience tells me.  I “know” the truth, but I couldn’t shake the all over the board emotions ranging from confused to frustrated to happy to disappointed to sad to lonely to okay to everything else.  I bounced around and couldn’t find my footing on the solid rock.

Until today. I sat in class and I tried to pay attention and engage in conversation, but every once in a while my thoughts would overwhelm me still.  Until I heard these words, “Follow Me.”  Funny thing is that we were talking about ministering to youth and I really don’t remember how that fit in and neither does my roomie (I asked her later).  So then, God immediately brought to mind the verse below:

“…what is that to you?  You follow Me!”

My reaction: Whoa. Lord, you are so here.  You are so getting my attention.  Because really.  What is it to me that ___ is doing this or that God is working in that way in their lives.  Even, who is that to me and what is that to you that I’m working in a way you didn’t expect.  When all I need to focus on is following Him then everything else fades away.  Africa fades away. Lindo fades away. Thrive fades away. Hope House kids fade away. Marriage fades away.

Yes, good things and yes, serving is good, but He just wants me to “be.”  He loves me when I’m just sitting on the floor with Him leaning against my bed.  He wants me to follow Him and be with Him.  He wants to step out only on His firm foundation.

“It had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had but one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised but for himself.  All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever. “Nothing else really matters only to love him and to do what he tells me.” -Hinds Feet in High Places

Audiences and Taking!

Seth Godin

I love when other blogs discuss things that I have been thinking about recently.  Seth Godin hit on two of my thoughts today.  He blogged about blogging audiences and whether he is blogging to the “first-timer” or the “regular.”  Go check it out!

His second blog discussed how too often we expect things to be “given” rather than us taking initiative to “take.” I find this to be especially true in school settings.  Often, students expect teachers to “give” the information rather than students “taking” and going after the best they can get.  Taking responsibility and initiative rather than waiting for a boss or teacher to give these things.

I want to be a “taker”!  I want to strive to do more, serve more, learn more, and not be complacent in life!  For sure, there are times to wait and there are times to go.  I just don’t want to be immobilized by an assumption that people are obligated to “give” me things and that I need to wait for them to before pursuing and striving to “take.”

Pondering…

Pros

1. I like blogging
2. I like writing and expressing myself through words.
3. I love having a written record of events, thoughts and random things even if I only look back on it once or never do.
4. I enjoy seeing how many people visit my blog and sometimes leave comments
5. I hope that my words sometimes encourage, provide hope, invoke thinking, provide insight, are “real” and relatable to the people that read my blog
   • I like reading some blogs myself and I have been impacted by their words–even if I’m only a “lurker” and don’t always comment

Cons

1. I don’t know my audience
   • I don’t know how to engage authentic, open discussion and comments without knowing my audience
2. I’m not sure if blogging is a wise use of my time
3. Sometimes I look at the “stats” too often or want more comments…then I wonder why am I blogging.
   • EDIT: I realized that these two thoughts were not supposed to really flow together.  I meant this more of a “I don’t want to blog for the stats.  I want to blog for other reasons.  I want to have reasons for why I am blogging.” I did NOT intend it to come across as “If I don’t get high enough stats then why am I even blogging.”  Not sure if this is any clearer, but oh well.
4. I don’t really have a “purpose” to blog or a theme
   • The closest I have to a purpose is the hope that someone, somewhere might be positively affected by my words
5. I see value in the personal, honest posts yet I don’t want my blog to be a place to “vent” or “gossip” or anything related
6. I fear that I may have hurt or will hurt others who read my blog with my words–I don’t want to have a hidden agenda or use this space in an unkind way

Options Galore

I am horrible at making concrete, set, firm decisions.  I have a love/hate relationship with options and choices.  I love examining them, processing, thinking through, weighing out the pros and cons, ect.  Yet the more options I have the harder and longer I take in making a decision!  Plus, I defend and criticize every side, every angle, every outcome.  I prefer discussing each side thoroughly than making a decision.

My thoughts lately have turned to graduate school/seminary.  This turns into a litany of ratings, schools, programs, likes, desires, requirements.  Do I do the SemPM program at Bethel? Or would I rather get a Masters of Counseling?  Or what about Marriage and Family Counseling from Bethel Sem.? What about writing? Or maybe I want to go to Northwestern for their M.A.T.s program?  Or a teaching license?  Better yet, what about law school or political science or history? Do I apply now or wait a year? Who do I use as my references and what about my letters of intent?

You get the picture.  The questions go on and on 🙂 I’ll let you know if I ever make a decision!