Learning to Deal with Disappointment

How you learn to manage your disappointments in your life will determine your destiny.

-Christine Caine

Disappointments come all around us in life.  They start coming even when we’re little.  When the friend chooses someone else to share her cookie with that day or when we don’t get to go on a class trip or when we miss out on getting the most amazing new toy ever.  Sometimes we’ll pout and throw our fits.  Other times we’ll get mean and say some angry words because at the core, we’re hurt.

 Then we get a little older and well, the disappointments don’t stop coming.  The little disappointments are still there like missing out on getting a cute new Starbucks mug because they sold out or missing going to a store because it closed or someone else getting what we wanted.  “Bigger” things too can crush our fragile hearts like not getting picked for a job or watching a ministry close down or not being able to get pregnant or watching our plans change.  That’s when we might simply cry because we had a plan and now it’s going all wrong.  We’d prayed and prayed and things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.

I started writing this post on December 12, 2011.  I had no clue on that day what God would do in my life and how different everything would be just a year later.  There’s the acknowledgement that if some of my disappointments hadn’t come, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  Yet, there’s also the acknowledgement that those disappointments were exactly that. A disappointment.  Something to feel, grieve, and walk out.  Even when good is worked out of a situation, it can still hurt.

But that’s where Christine Cain ever so convictingly reminds us that how we handle those disappointments will determine our destiny.  Will we stay in our hurt and in turn hurt those around us?  Will we thank and worship God even so?  Will we hold grudges and reject others because of our jealousy or hurt?  Will we choose faith or fear? How will we handle our disappointments?

Lord, I haven’t always handled my disappointments with grace and love….help me, teach me, and be with me as the disappointments keep coming so that I can handle them in a healthy, godly way that draws me closer to You.

Thinking it Through

Sometimes I’ll run across things that cause me to stop and think just for a moment longer or I’ll even let them roll around in my head for a while…here’s a smattering of what has been hitting my heart lately!

This post made me stop and ask what if we really did stop categorizing…if we opened the floodgates for open and frank conversations sprinkled with grace and love rather than full of judgment and labels.  What if we threw out the dirty water examples and started showing each other how to fall forward.  We all have our areas where we’ve fallen.  Whether it be greed or lust or gossip or anger.  Let’s put down the stones and start drawing in the sand forgiveness and love.

Heart-wrenching grief and love rolled into one gloriously messy post.

Words do cut deep. They echo for long after they’ve been said especially when they’re one of your top love languages.  I often try to rush the healing process and to skip past the tears.  I don’t honor my emotions easily.  I’ve learned that I need to and that God is ever gracious when I do.  I thought I had learned this, but I’m finding He’s teaching me all over again that I’m okay healing in my own time frame and in my own way.  Other people may not understand this, but that’s okay…not everyone knows my story and how it has made me, me.  Those that do know me, love me, and remind me that it’s okay…that I’m okay.

I dare you to love yourself. And I dare myself to take the same challenge.  To love how God has made each of us.

What if  _____? Will you fill in the blank with fear or faith?

I love the prodigal son story. I find myself as both the younger and the older son.  I’m one off running toward my dreams and plans only to find out that I’ve been deceived.  But I’m also the one staying put being obedient without ever knowing that my Father is ever there with abundant blessings.  Too often when I’m seeing the Father lavish His grace and love on others…I’m only asking for a small goat or sitting in the mundane every day not even looking or asking for Him.  Really. As if, my Jesus doesn’t pour out the love and good gifts on me way more than just a small goat…is my view of God really so small.  Let me ever learn to know Him more and more.

 

like a good Father you will take care.

You wrap yourself around every detail of my life.

cause i mean everything to You.

when i’m feeling that i’m falling apart…You hold me now

Weekly Questions

Yesterday, marked being married for 2 months already! I even got a surprise bag of white chocolate pretzels. I do love gifts and my husband too!  Marriage has quite a few perks!  One of the fun things that we’ve done both when we were dating and have continued to do now that we’re all old and married off has been ask weekly questions.  They can be one of my favorite times because right up next to gifts is words of affirmation for me.  These have evolved over the months and some became more relevant after getting married.  We’re still working out the bugs and figuring out what questions to modify or add in for us.  They’re a fun way to recap, get on the same page, and check-in before the start of a new week.

The original five came from this fun little blog.  We’ve debated about the order of the questions but here’s the original order:

1. How did you feel loved this past week?
2. What does your upcoming week look like?
3. How would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?
4. How would you best feel pursued in sex / intimacy this week? (this is the one we modified when we were dating and mostly left it off or talked about oh hey how are we doing in waiting to have sex until we’re married and how can I help you in that?)
5. How can I pray for you this week?

Beyond these questions, we recently wanted to add a few more…these are the ones we are trying out:

6. How are we doing spiritually? (i.e. how are you doing with reading your bible, are we praying together, are we reading the bible together, etc.)

7. What are you working on this week? (what area do you want to see changed this week or do you want to work on…i.e. get up earlier, go to bed early, plan ahead, etc.)

Then when searching for the blog above, I found a few other potential questions to ask:

8. Is there anything we would like to do differently this week than we did last week?

9. How can I better serve you this week?

10. What were your struggles this past week?

Here’s also some questions to ask periodically: 

1. How have the first X months of marriage compared with what you dreamed about or envisioned?
2. What are some of the things we need to acknowledge our thankfulness for in our first months of marriage?
3. What do you want to get better at as a wife or husband?
4. What do we want to get better at as a couple?
5. What are some of the dreams that you have as an individual? How can I help you reach them?
6. What are some of our dreams as a couple? How can we seek after them and surround ourselves with the right people?
7. What are some of our greatest blind spots as a couple?
8. In what ways do you feel like you’ve grown since we’ve gotten married?

There you go! How about you? Do you ask any other questions that I missed or have any other fun things that you love to do as a couple? 

Can He?

I love that Nicodemus still questions and leaves room for God to do the impossible all at once.

“How can a man be born when he is old? He cannot enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born, can he?” -John 3:4

Even when all sorts of questions come to my mind–which happens often–I want to still leave room for that question at the end of my thoughts. I want to leave room for God to do the impossible and show me His ways rather than be stuck in my ways. I’d rather tag a question on the end than get caught up in logic and my ways. Especially because I have a few situations where I don’t see how they work or will work out yet…so I’m chatting with God and leaving the question so that I can:

“…take [my] stand and see this great thing which the Lord will do before [my] eyes.” -1 Samuel 12:16

My Ways or His Ways?

Sometimes I find that my perception of God needs a bit of alteration.  I find that I am not consistent in my thinking or that I bought into something that shouts that I’m stuck on my ways instead of seeing them as His ways.

Example One: I found a prayer in one of my journals that asked God to protect me from deception.  And at first, I was like, uh….what!? where were you God–why didn’t you step in and intervene and save the day? Except, the kicker here is that I wanted Him to intervene so that things would turn out how I wanted them.  He DID protect me by allowing others to step in and walk with me. Things just looked different.

Example Two: I keep wanting to put lists, rules, and lines in areas of my life.  But, then, I’m reminded…He wants me to fall in love with Him in such a way that life no longer feels like a list of do’s and don’ts but a crazy madly love that permeates all that I do to where each and every moment translates into an all relying on Him adventure both with Him and others!

Example Three: I found myself verbalizing frustration over waiting on God’s timing…yeah, sometimes I get frustrated.  But, see, I kept thinking of Him as almost teasing or just not wanting to give me want I want.  Though, really, no! That’s not it at all. He wants to wait to give me that amazing delicious tasting satisfying falafel instead of letting me settle for some not so tasty cheeseburger…

How about you? Do you need to adjust or alter some areas you translate your ways as God’s ways?

UP for some Real Me?

I lived in Africa for a year as many of you may know.  While there, I met this amazing girly who I absolutely love and we now have skype dates on Saturday that seriously make my week.  But, see, here’s the thing.  She doesn’t like movies. Like at all. And she rubbed off on me.

I have yet to go to a movie theater since being back in the States, shame, eh? I did thoroughly enjoy Earth from Red Box and would be so incredibly happy to own that entire DVD series.  My “bonding time” with my mama over “The Bachelor” is just about as poppy as I get when it comes to this stuff.

All of that to say that yesterday, I watched a movie after I went on my long run (and yes, we were friends!).  Remember how I told you that I ran 16.1k, well, that was on the docket again for this week.  Though, this time I ran outside (woot! woot! love me some warm(er) weather and running tights and wearing mittens to carry things) and listened to a whole jumble of worship songs*.  Plus, I improved my time!

Despite my speedy running and motivation to attempt to arrive on time, I didn’t…plus, when I got there I stopped and chatted for a bit with the pastor’s wife (love her and hey! relationships matter! and yes…still working on the time thing).  Thankfully, my friends (yes, I’ve been home long enough to even make “friends”) usually extend an extra big dose of grace. Hey, they must be friends if they’re already learning to not let me get away with my answers that aren’t answers (aka indecision) by helping me commit and they put up with my half inviting myself by saying that I so want/need to see said movie they are talking about watching.

By now, you must REALLY be wondering (or you’ve given up on this long post–usually I dislike long posts greatly and even spent time trying to make this shorter, but there’s just too much fun stuff to share….) what movie I would want/need to see….dun dun dun… UP.  Confession: the main reason I wanted to see this movie was because another fabulous girly I met in Africa watched this movie on the plane ride home (I fell asleep..I do that often especially during movies) and told me about an absolutely gut-wrenching line that simply made us BOTH teary eyed or should I say bawling (oh, side note: my eyes turn an amazingly gorgeous green when I cry)…as if we weren’t already since we were leaving “home.”  Today, I didn’t cry nearly as much as I would have if I had watched it then…I only got teary eyed and missed my people and my home.  All because of a few lines:

“It might sound boring, but the boring stuff I remember the most.”

“Thanks for the adventure, now go have a new one.”

Congrats to you if you made it this far!  So, your turn: have you seen UP? do you run on africa time?  do you like movies? tell me something I don’t know.

*Running Playlist for the day: Battlefield by Jordin Sparks, Everything Falls by Fee, More Like Falling in Love by Jason Gray, Rain it Down by Carlos Whittaker, There’s Only One by Caedmon’s Call, How He Loves by Kim Walker, This Day by Audio Adrenaline, You Said by Shane and Shane, Let My Love Open the Door by Audio Adrenaline, Glory to God Forever by Fee, This Could Be Our Day by Addison Road, God of Wonders by Third Day, Show Me Your Glory by Third Day, From the Inside Out by Hillson, Tomalo by Hillsong, Not Enough by Caedmon’s Call, Madly by Steve Fee, All We Need by Charlie Hall,

I Cried…

“So You Think You Can Dance” gripped my heart tonight.  My eyes fixated on the screen.  I crumpled inside.  I ached with each debilitating, overwhelming act that pushed her to the ground. I re-lived the echo: you’re everything I think I need, you touched me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.  The chains came crushing down. Biting into my skin.  Reverberating lies instead of truth.  Yet, here I stand.  On the other side.  Set free. Not going back. I won’t back down. Throwing myself on my beloved.  Wrapping myself in Him.  Living here on my knees for Him.  He touches me for a little while, then I am strong.  He frees me from my chains.  And here I am, and I stand, so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.  Standing with Him, falling into His gravity.

ht: watch this: Addicted

Just to Be With You

More often than not, whether at the park or at Hope House or anywhere with kids, I find myself with a new hair style.  Sometimes cute.  Sometimes full of knots.  Sometimes I leave just a little bit messier. Simply put, I love it.  I’ll take messy hair any day as long as it means I get to spend time with these kids and hear their stories and sometimes even just be with them without saying much.  Just being there to show them I’m here to hang out with them and I care while letting the hair break down the barriers and open up doors to relationships and conversation.

Meetings

Meetings.  Some people absolutely loathe going to another meeting.  I tend to actually look forward to them.  I see the opportunity they give for the larger group to get together, recapture vision, share passion and information, and live life together in a “work” setting.  I find this to be especially true of our Staff Meetings at Thrive.  I love that we start off with sharing testimonies of how “God is Big” and what He is doing in each of our lives.  I am so blessed and encouraged through hearing these.  We also spend time on “development.”  We value continuing to learn more, being transformed by Christ, and “developing” ourselves in Him.  Today’s message hit home and I even had a chance tonight to live out my own reactions to confrontation and to my commitment to continue to change and experience life in Christ.  Here are some bullet point thoughts to chew on from the message “Keys to Confrontation” by Danny Silk:

• We need to strategically apply pressure to expose areas that need strength and grace
• Confrontation is an invitation to strengthen a relational bond with someone (so true! through confrontation tonight, I’m excited to further develop relationships)
• Confrontation is not about punishment, but about setting each other up to win and to put us back on the track that we left
• Relationships are where we manifest everything we get from heaven
• Confrontation is about helping people find the need and find the remedy to the need–when you’ve fallen in a hole, you need something–you lost control of you to the thing that put you in the hole!
• Questions to ask: What are you going to do? How’s that working out for you? Do you want help with this problem? I am wondering if…?  …didn’t it?
• Godly sorrow leads to repentance
• Find out what the problem actually has to do with
• Live a life that no matter what external pressure comes, you get to be YOU.

Move Along

Things move.  People move.  Today, I moved right along into my bed where I promptly slept the day away.  Whereas, my parents moved from devotionals to Hope House planning to LaunchPad.  I tried so hard to feel better (did I mention I have an icky sore throat, headache and just plain feel gross…) by LaunchPad, but instead slept right through lunch to be awoken by a phone call, which sent me back to bed.  Though, all day God reminded me that even though I may be sidelined, He’s in control.  He orchestrates the details and I need to continue to say “yes.”  I need to let Him orchestrate whatever He wants and to let my own agenda fall to the side no longer to be seen.  Even if I may not be part of the front lines some days, I play an irreplaceable role.  My relationships with others can either move backward or forward.  My relationship with Him does the same.  My decisions and steps lead a certain way.  I can run with what He’s set in motion and recognize my dependency on the body of Christ or I can complain and refuse to play my role.  I continually need to decide to move along wherever He calls.  So, are you moving along with Him today?