Saturday Mornings

There’s something sacred about Saturday mornings. They are typically a day without work and come with a slower pace. Growing up, I loved Saturday morning cartoons and being able to stay up late on Friday night. I’m finding myself today wondering about what future Saturday mornings will look like for my little family. Last week, we walked to the farmers market for breakfast and it did my heart well. Today I’m curled up in bed holding a sweet, snuggly, sleeping boy waiting for the husband to get home. This is just about as perfect as it gets in this season (only thing better would be if the husband was home!).

When I think ahead, I hope my kids will jump on the bed on Saturday mornings and make time to snuggle even when they’re a little older. We will make it a family affair of slow mornings with big breakfasts and lots of play.

Oh sure I realize when I’m in the thick of it that it won’t look as perfect or idyllic as I see it now and that’s okay. There will probably be arguing over who sits where or who gets to eat the first pancake.

And how does all of this tie into my “becoming the beloved” series? Well. Saturday mornings remind me that I love days doing things I love with the people I love even when it’s not perfect. In the same way, being the beloved means I can come to God and show up in this life with all my messes and still find myself having a good Saturday morning curled up in bed eating pancakes. Even on the days where I’ve spilled the syrup or dropped a plate or forgotten to get the juice. I can still come and be accepted and loved. And we can still find joy in it all.

Works for Wednesday

Work=activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

Ergon (Greek word): deed, doing, labor, work. From a primary (but obsolete) ergo (to work); toil (as an effort or occupation); by implication, an act — deed, doing, labour, work.

John 6:27-29

“Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.”

Therefore they said to Him, “What shall we do, so that we may work the works of God?”

Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent.”

I read this passage and walked away wondering…Am I trying to make this so complicated? Am I trying to find a formula or isolate those areas that “work” for me rather than keeping it as simple as believing in Him? Maybe, just maybe, it’s more of a risk in trust to venture confidently with belief rather than reason, logic and oh, yes…experiences or what’s worked in the past. I don’t want to get what I’ve always gotten…I want to let Him take me places that go beyond what I can ask or imagine.

Just a few rough-edged thoughts…what do you think?

I missed you too…

I am bursting at the seams with love and am completely overwhelmed with the love God has for me.  This weekend was a tough one.  One of battle after battle.  Not listening or entertaining the lies and distractions that desperately want me to believe that I’m not enough, that they won’t want me to come back, that I need to lose weight, that he’s gone, and that their actions say they don’t care, etc. Rather, holding fast to His words of truth and promises by reading His Word and prayer while laying things at the cross.

Yet, God turned the tide and came like a rushing stream last night and this morning.  My fellow interns prayed for me as I let the tears fall down my face.  I sat vulnerable, broken, and honest about the hard weekend.  Afterward, strengthened by prayer, God provided a source of life, of passion.  The timing worked out that I stayed up late editing a curriculum for the Leadership Summit classes.  I devoured every word and came alive.  I could barely sleep. When I woke up to see the sunrise, I found myself drawn to Isaiah where verse after verse captured my heart.

Isaiah 58:8-9 “Then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring forth and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry and He will say, ‘Here I am.'”

Isaiah 61: 10 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness.

Isaiah 62: 4 But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”

As I write, tears flood my eyes and stream down my face because I am so broken by His love. So broken to feel the love of God.  That even through everything, He keeps saying, “And I’m madly in love with you” and to show you that I’m going to give you an amazing gift today:

My heart broke in July when I had to say good-bye.  I cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers for him.  Each Friday still made my heart happy, but not like when he was there to give me a hug. Today, I got that hug I’ve been wanting for months. He played with my hair, I met his new family, I held him in my arms, I said I love you over and over, we sang Hakuna Matata, and he jumped up on my shoulders.  All the things that I loved and missed.  Yet, he stole my heart all over again and brought tears to my eyes when I heard the sweet words:

“I missed you too”

I Can.

Running on base proves to be a little tricky here because I’m not a huge fan of hills.  I avoid them if at all possible.  I much prefer running downhill or on flat ground.  Lately, running proved to be a struggle since I took a week off for Cape Town and then was sick for a while during Family Days.  I’m just now trying to get back into the groove of things.  Though, I’ve been frustrated with my lack of motivation and lack of results.  I hadn’t ran in two days and then started talking with another intern, Allen, about running last night and the upcoming Flatberg race (15k including going up a mountain…).  The conversation gave me the drive to finally get out and complete a “good” run.

I started out this morning determined to get up and go.  I set my alarm and was out the door by 6:05 a.m. with my iPod Nike+ set to a distance of 7k.  About 2k into my run, I got this ridiculous idea that I shouldn’t just run 7k, but, no, I should run a 10k.  Mind you, the farthest I’ve ran in the last week or two has been around 35 minutes.  But, when I decide something that’s that.  So, I kept running and running.  Being bored, I did some run there and then run back along with some circles in the field.  Basically, I did everything possible to not go up hill and still complete a 10k.  All of that to say that I did.  I ran 10.02k in 55:30 min. which translates into a 5:32 min/km pace or a 8:54 min./mile.  This was only 1 minute slower than the 10k I ran in July. Woot!  For being out of practice, I was happy.  Also, I was reminded of the power of determination, persistence, and the need to set my eyes on an achievable goal while not letting my feelings get in the way or let my mind start believing the lies of “I can’t.”

So, what’s been your greatest accomplishment this week?

Little Bit of Sadness

David. (to Elijah) This morning was the first morning I can remember, that I didn’t open my eyes and feel that sadness…I thought the person who wrote that note had an answer for me.

Elijah. (to David) That little bit of sadness in the mornings you spoke of? I think I know what that is. Perhaps you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

-M. Night Shyamalan’s film Unbreakable

–Wide Awake by Erwin McManus

Best Friends

I remember as a little girl going the whole nine yards with the “best friend” frenzy. From necklaces, to bracelets to matching things, we flaunted the “best friend” status. Unfortunately, in those years sometimes people get left out and hurt by the whole “best friend” mania. Plus, the manufacturing companies never made life easy by only allowing a girl one best friend. Although, if we want to go technical, there should only be one “best”, right? Maybe we just need different types of “best” because that’s what the distinction comes down to sometimes. A best friend to talk with, a best friend to do sports with, a best friend to go dancing with, ect.

Last night, I really needed one of my “best friends.” I tried some of the other “bests” and they filled their spots wonderfully, but not quite what I wanted/needed. I needed that person to talk some sense into my negative, messed up head and to speak light and truth into the darkness with all encompassing love. I fell asleep with tear stained cheeks feeling a bit defeated. Yet come morning, my “best friend” spoke the healing words I needed. I am so thankful to have such amazing people in life. I am so glad that I have all sorts of “bests” to walk with me through the different struggles and triumphs. I am so thankful to have enough relationships that go beyond the proximity and affinity type (those are important too, but in a different way!). So, here’s to all the “bests” in life who let us lay it all down, drop anything to get there for us, and help us rise into the light at the end of the fight 🙂

Just lay it all down, put your face into my neck and let it fall out

I know, I know, I know, I knew before you got home

This world you’re in now, it doesn’t have to be alone

I’ll get there somehow

Cause I know, I know, I know

When even springtime feels cold

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see

So we can both be there and we can both share the dark

And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds

And into the light at the end of the fight…

You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it’s all magnified

The highs will make you fly but the lows make you want to die

And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing

So I know I know I know, it’s easier to let go

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,

So we can both be there and we can both share the dark

And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds

And into the light at the end of the fight…

…and in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds

and into the light…at the end of the fight

“Nightminds” by Missy Higgins

Oh my goodness…

For some reason, I have had the funniest moments driving in the past few weeks.  I blogged about the changing in the car incident…  At least I think these moments bring a little bit of joy to the other drivers especially when they see me laughing at myself.  Anyway, on to the story.  This morning I had the glorious pleasure of sleeping in because I had to stay late at work for a staff meeting yesterday.  I didn’t have to be at work until 9:30am!!  I left my house at 9, got gas and still got to work by 9:30.   Impressive if I do say so myself 🙂  I took the 280 to 94 way because traffic of course was wonderfully light.  When I get on 94, I have to move over 4 lanes to exit on the right.  So, I start moving over –mind you, I’m ridiculously careful about changing lanes– and I see this other car moving over from the opposite side.  I proceed to freak out thinking that he’s trying to pull a two lane switch and go into my lane as well.  He notices and I notice and then we’re both laughing really hard because he totally was thinking I was going to do the same thing to him!  We proceed to laugh for the next few exits and play the awkward “is he/she looking at me” game.  Needless to say, I like to think this little encounter started his day off a bit better than if he hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing me get really scared.

p.s. I was listening/singing to “Hiding Behind a Smile” by Matt Wertz at the time 🙂