At the end of the day, when my little family puts up with my silly ideas of fitting everyone on the green chair for a picture, when the puppy is sleeping on me, when I get to watch my man play with our little man, when I get to hold them all close, and when I get to breathe in all the pieces of this life that’s when I feel a glimpse of resting in being the beloved wife, mommy, and puppy owner that I am. They love me well.
Becoming the Beloved
So. There’s this thing that I did a few years ago and well I saw it pop up again and thought…let’s go for it again! The goal: write every day for the 31 days of October. Plus, I recently got chosen to join in on a writing course (I am pumped!) so I thought this would be a good opportunity to add accountability and fun to writing.
I’m diving in with my expectations open and my heart willing to explore all different avenues. I’m anticipating that you might find mini devotionals, pictures, quotes, scripture, life updates, and heart thoughts throughout the month. I suspect that each day will bring a bit of a surprise along this journey. I want to bring my heart deeper into an intimate knowing that I am the beloved of God. This is something that I’m pretty good at knowing in my head, but getting it to my heart is a whole other story. And so it begins!
p.s. Maybe you’re wondering why I picked a sprinkle doughnut for a button picture? Well, check back for a future post on that little topic later this week!
Beloved: dearly loved, a much loved person
five minutes of writing on friday! i’m ready. are you? jump on in on the fun over here.
here’s the prompt!
the music fades, the people have left, the airplane lands, the fanfare slows, and we find ourselves in the after. the after moments of eery quiet filled with tense wondering of is this all there was and the wide eyed anticipation of just how these moments will change everything. for in these moments and places and situations the course of our story changes. sometimes i’ve known ahead of time that i will lay down my rock to create an altar of remembrance. other times the moments pass me by before i’ve realized that that was the time when things changed. there’s the before and the after africa. the before and after “i do.” the before and after “god, you are my all in all.” my life is filled to the brim with these sacred moments and while some of them hurt so bad that i’d rather skip them altogether, i can’t help but still recognize the powerful ways they’ve changed me. they’ve rearranged me. He’s rearranged me. He’s wrecked me. wholly and fully for His purposes and plans. being conformed and being renewed requires a whole lot of bending and stretching and fitting awkwardly into the new afters.
Let’s do this. 5 minutes of free writing with no pressure, no edits, no rules, and just plain fun.
I sneak over to his side of the bed after he’s snuck out to shower. My sleepy brain is still in complete sleep mode. When he comes back, he prays over me for my day and I mumble a prayer back. Though, let’s be honest, I can’t say for sure that what I said was all that great. I do remember how he made fun of me because my words were messed up and then I joked back with him that God was going to smite him because he was making fun of my prayer. He played right along with my sleepy state. When the nights are long and work schedules are late, I find myself needing so much more rest than I’d like. I grumble about how I used to get up at 4 something or 5 something. He gently reminds me that I also used to start work at 6. Work starts at 3pm now and that definitely causes a shift. He’s ever full of grace for my sleepy, restful state and I’m humbled. Rest for the soul. A place to rest my heart. Rest for my body. Saturday, come quickly, I’m ready for a day of rest.
Money Money Money
My husband the other day was talking about how he had read a devotional about the four money languages. I had heard about these before, but couldn’t remember them so I promptly looked them up on google and found this fun video. We both could identify our money languages and could see traces of our secondary languages as well.
Here’s the line that I identified with most:
“We can take that trip. We can buy pizza!”
Amiable it is! Pretty sure I’ve been known to say, “Hey! We have unallocated funds [funds not put in the budget yet]….let’s go buy something fun!” Not to mention that the last time we had unallocated cash on hand, I ended up going and buying all sorts of food for people. Hello, money means love =) Plus, gifts is one of my top love languages.
Ryan on the other hand…well, he’s an analytic and…”Money means security.” He’s been known to have thousands and thousands of dollars just sitting in the bank. Handy, though, when it comes time that he wants to do something with it like buy a wedding ring or go to Sri Lanka or head to Norway for a few months.
Thankfully, I have some analytic in me too and he’s willing to spend on experiences, which helps us be on the same page money wise and we’re Dave Ramsey fans.
How about you? Are you a driver, amiable, analytic, or expressive?
3 months and counting
3 super happy months of being married! woot! in celebration, I went through our wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures to finally post them on facebook. if we’re friends, you can look at them here. made me totally want to do the whole day over again and to run off to the mountains and the beach like now. but instead, i’ll make a list of all the fun things i love about life right where i’m at! in no particular order here are 12 things for the 12th.
1. being married
2. my awesome husband
3. my adorable dog Boaz who loves me
4. my church family.
5. a wonderful place to live that is warm even though it’s still cold outside
6. traveling to look forward to in the future
7. friends’ super cute babies
8. being able to e-mail and text best friends
9. being able to cook all sorts of deliciousness
10. pinterest boards of lovely things
11. books to read and time to read them
12. mornings spent with god reading the bible and doing the breaking free bible study
What are you loving about your life right now?
Learning to Deal with Disappointment
How you learn to manage your disappointments in your life will determine your destiny.
Disappointments come all around us in life. They start coming even when we’re little. When the friend chooses someone else to share her cookie with that day or when we don’t get to go on a class trip or when we miss out on getting the most amazing new toy ever. Sometimes we’ll pout and throw our fits. Other times we’ll get mean and say some angry words because at the core, we’re hurt.
Then we get a little older and well, the disappointments don’t stop coming. The little disappointments are still there like missing out on getting a cute new Starbucks mug because they sold out or missing going to a store because it closed or someone else getting what we wanted. “Bigger” things too can crush our fragile hearts like not getting picked for a job or watching a ministry close down or not being able to get pregnant or watching our plans change. That’s when we might simply cry because we had a plan and now it’s going all wrong. We’d prayed and prayed and things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.
I started writing this post on December 12, 2011. I had no clue on that day what God would do in my life and how different everything would be just a year later. There’s the acknowledgement that if some of my disappointments hadn’t come, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Yet, there’s also the acknowledgement that those disappointments were exactly that. A disappointment. Something to feel, grieve, and walk out. Even when good is worked out of a situation, it can still hurt.
But that’s where Christine Cain ever so convictingly reminds us that how we handle those disappointments will determine our destiny. Will we stay in our hurt and in turn hurt those around us? Will we thank and worship God even so? Will we hold grudges and reject others because of our jealousy or hurt? Will we choose faith or fear? How will we handle our disappointments?
Lord, I haven’t always handled my disappointments with grace and love….help me, teach me, and be with me as the disappointments keep coming so that I can handle them in a healthy, godly way that draws me closer to You.
Thinking it Through
Sometimes I’ll run across things that cause me to stop and think just for a moment longer or I’ll even let them roll around in my head for a while…here’s a smattering of what has been hitting my heart lately!
This post made me stop and ask what if we really did stop categorizing…if we opened the floodgates for open and frank conversations sprinkled with grace and love rather than full of judgment and labels. What if we threw out the dirty water examples and started showing each other how to fall forward. We all have our areas where we’ve fallen. Whether it be greed or lust or gossip or anger. Let’s put down the stones and start drawing in the sand forgiveness and love.
Heart-wrenching grief and love rolled into one gloriously messy post.
Words do cut deep. They echo for long after they’ve been said especially when they’re one of your top love languages. I often try to rush the healing process and to skip past the tears. I don’t honor my emotions easily. I’ve learned that I need to and that God is ever gracious when I do. I thought I had learned this, but I’m finding He’s teaching me all over again that I’m okay healing in my own time frame and in my own way. Other people may not understand this, but that’s okay…not everyone knows my story and how it has made me, me. Those that do know me, love me, and remind me that it’s okay…that I’m okay.
I dare you to love yourself. And I dare myself to take the same challenge. To love how God has made each of us.
What if _____? Will you fill in the blank with fear or faith?
I love the prodigal son story. I find myself as both the younger and the older son. I’m one off running toward my dreams and plans only to find out that I’ve been deceived. But I’m also the one staying put being obedient without ever knowing that my Father is ever there with abundant blessings. Too often when I’m seeing the Father lavish His grace and love on others…I’m only asking for a small goat or sitting in the mundane every day not even looking or asking for Him. Really. As if, my Jesus doesn’t pour out the love and good gifts on me way more than just a small goat…is my view of God really so small. Let me ever learn to know Him more and more.
like a good Father you will take care.
You wrap yourself around every detail of my life.
cause i mean everything to You.
when i’m feeling that i’m falling apart…You hold me now
Thank you for letting me come home. You always capture my heart and win me over. You startle me. You shake me. You make me smile. You catch me laughing. You tuck me into corners where I can be quiet and process like crazy. You let me see the stars like never before. You open my eyes to the ways we have good intentions but end up hurting anyway. You’ve taught me to pray that I would help more than hurt. You’ve challenged me to think outside of my black and white boxes. You sure love teaching me to follow and honor instead of lead and criticize. You teach me to wait and wait and wait and wait. You’re ready to welcome me home in His timing. You sweep me up into all kinds of wonderfulness. You are full of joy. You help me reclaim bits of me that I’ve lost along the way. You teach me over and over to love deep and wide and big. You’re home. I didn’t think you would be and sometimes I wish you weren’t because you make it hard to be away. But, in the end, you’re the place that I come back to and the place that I love. I can’t wait until I get to put my bare feet on your soil again.
There’s this little thing that I jumped on board last year with and enjoyed quite thoroughly! Since I’ve been quite absent from the blogging world, I thought why not tackle something fun like this again…so welcome to…
31 Days of filling my life with all things lovely, beautiful, and happy…
I wanted something fun, easy, happy, and with enough different topics that I wouldn’t get so stuck on one topic or theme. I’m pretty excited about this and I think it will fit right in with my word for the year: Celebrate. Plus, I think we can all use a bit more of these three things in our lives.
So, let’s do this thing.
Are you participating in the 31 days and if so what’s your theme??
p.s. I updated my blog theme and I’m kind of in love with the balloons!