I missed you too…

I am bursting at the seams with love and am completely overwhelmed with the love God has for me.  This weekend was a tough one.  One of battle after battle.  Not listening or entertaining the lies and distractions that desperately want me to believe that I’m not enough, that they won’t want me to come back, that I need to lose weight, that he’s gone, and that their actions say they don’t care, etc. Rather, holding fast to His words of truth and promises by reading His Word and prayer while laying things at the cross.

Yet, God turned the tide and came like a rushing stream last night and this morning.  My fellow interns prayed for me as I let the tears fall down my face.  I sat vulnerable, broken, and honest about the hard weekend.  Afterward, strengthened by prayer, God provided a source of life, of passion.  The timing worked out that I stayed up late editing a curriculum for the Leadership Summit classes.  I devoured every word and came alive.  I could barely sleep. When I woke up to see the sunrise, I found myself drawn to Isaiah where verse after verse captured my heart.

Isaiah 58:8-9 “Then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring forth and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry and He will say, ‘Here I am.'”

Isaiah 61: 10 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness.

Isaiah 62: 4 But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”

As I write, tears flood my eyes and stream down my face because I am so broken by His love. So broken to feel the love of God.  That even through everything, He keeps saying, “And I’m madly in love with you” and to show you that I’m going to give you an amazing gift today:

My heart broke in July when I had to say good-bye.  I cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers for him.  Each Friday still made my heart happy, but not like when he was there to give me a hug. Today, I got that hug I’ve been wanting for months. He played with my hair, I met his new family, I held him in my arms, I said I love you over and over, we sang Hakuna Matata, and he jumped up on my shoulders.  All the things that I loved and missed.  Yet, he stole my heart all over again and brought tears to my eyes when I heard the sweet words:

“I missed you too”

Lesson of the Day

As I’ve mentioned earlier, I’m learning and re-learning things.  Part of this includes wrestling with how things will look and seeking guidance from Him and others.  Today, turned out to be one of those days where I learned a bit more and made the lesson a little more tangible, real, and sink in.  Since I’m into those dictionary definitions lately, we’ll start there:

let go: relinquish one’s grip, allow to move, stop holding onto

To go along with this definition, there’s this little handy story to go along with it.  I have a watch that I decide to give to you.  I give the watch to you and put it on your wrist.  Except, I decide I want to look at the time so I take it back and then put it back on your wrist.  Or maybe I just hold onto the watch while it’s on your wrist or keep touching the watch while you’re wearing it.  Awkward, I know!  Basically, if I keep doing this then I haven’t really given you the watch.  We’re more sharing the watch or I’m trying really hard to get the watch back.  So, if I want to “let go” of the watch, I must actually give it up and not peek at it or take it back for a few minutes, for a second or for any amount of time.

The same thing is true with the things that we lay down at the cross for Jesus to take care of for us.  We have to trust Him with the valuable item and let Him have it completely.  He gets to do whatever He wants with that watch whether He changes it into something else or gives it to someone else or even lets us have it back some day.  We can’t hold onto the watch or try to keep tabs on what He’s doing in and for the watch.  At this time, for me, this tangibly means that I have to let go of communicating, checking blogs, asking others, and I need to genuinely and continually trust Jesus with the whole situation and lay it at the cross (He even gave me a physical reminder by leaving the outline of my cross necklace thanks to some happy sunshine).  Laying it down and actually letting go is hard, but once again worth it in the end because then I’m not focused on what I’ve “let go” at all.  I only fix my eyes on Jesus who can give me whatever He wants in whatever timing He likes.