“Authenticity has less to do with what I look like and more to do with what I say and do.” –Sarah
A while back there was thing called “Real Me” running around the “blogosphere.” I kept intending to participate, but never ended up having a camera after those real me moments. Until tonight…
See, the real me loves to run. I haven’t always. Back when I played tennis like it was my job, I loathed running. But then, tennis season ended and I love the feeling of a good workout…
So, on a whim, I picked up running. I hit the pavement searching for cute little neighborhoods and found myself loving the mixture of music, God time, and the feelings afterward (from i hurt to okay I did that!). Give or take about three years, here I am still running.
Now, as for the picture…I took this little gem right after my 16.1k (or 10 mile) run–sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself… My legs hurt. I did not smell pretty. I’m pretty sure I had salt on my face. I had just listened to Battlefield on repeat 22 times to remind me to get my armor on (yes…I counted while I ran and I wanted to get my $1.29 worth out of the song I bought in part just for this ridiculously long run and check out Ephesians 6).
I’ve got my cross and heart necklace around my neck (I’ve worn the cross since high school and June gave me the heart last year–yeah…I never take it off…literally). I have a watch on my right hand (and no, I’m not left handed, I just like that hand better for watches). I’m wearing flip flops because that’s how I roll even in negative temperatures.
I’m missing my big earrings and sunglasses, but just imagine they’re there because they normally are. Oh, and yes, I’m taking a cheesy self-portrait hand out smiling style picture because I like documenting things like this and yes I smile in them…iPhoto has plenty of these stored away.
So, there’s a little glimpse into the real me. I’ll try to share more as these moments pop up, but I’ve written more than enough me…tell me something about the “real you” because I so would love hearing from you!!! (and yes, I use multiple exclamation points or question marks to emphasize that I really do want to know..I do) 🙂
A year ago:
- I started blogging.
- I graduated.
- I did not have a job yet.
- I was living with Carrie and Keely (and Abby the dog)
- Liz and I took pictures after graduation
A few things from this past year:
I could go on, but you get the idea. What a year! I definitely cannot say that I would have ever guessed that I would be where I am today a year ago!
Happy Things in Life/Things to Be Thankful for (not a comprehensive list):
- I got into Seminary
- I have enough money to go to Seminary
- I have a job
- My pretty bike
- Being able to run
- Playing cards and games
- Curly/wavy hair so I don’t have to spend lots of time making it look decent
- More books than I can read at the moment
- My puppy that still greets me at the door and will sit outside on the deck with me and eat my gum and whatever else I give him
Here’s the post: Please Don’t Shoot!! I’ll Write I’ll Write
Here’s the question: What would you want to do in life if YOU HAD to do something different than you are doing now?
Here’s the answer: Writer, baker–minus the early hours,go to seminary and then be a counselor, church planter/missionary wife, owner of a ceramics studio, bookstore owner, personal trainer, professional athlete. (yeah…I wanted to add some more!)
Wow, I feel like my head has been turned upside down and is ready to burst with all the thoughts I have running through it. Thank-you Carrie. Yikes. I have so many blog topics that I want to run with and embrace but now I’m overwhelmed to the point where I don’t know how to pick! So, I’m going to give you a snapshot and then decide later (aka tomorrow or later this week) which topics I want to pursue further with the written word 😉
Me: “How do I live a life with purpose, with meaning, with passion? Does this mean that I have to change jobs? What if I have to move? Will I give up the comforts I’ve embraced to chase after Jesus? Wait a minute…do I even know how to follow Him, yet alone where He’s leading me!?”
“Big ideas…am I thinking too small?”
“Am I an F or a T? Who knows…but personality types sure are interesting”
“I love the deep, searching talks yet so often I leave wondering where to begin and what I need to do. I want to change so many things and figure out things, but…”
“Alright, life…what are we waiting for? I don’t want to live in a ‘when this happens’ life begins kind of state. I want to live life now and embrace my current situation-the good, the bad, all of it. Help me let go of the ‘when I get married or when I have money’ ideas.”
“I’m waiting for someone with passion. I’m not settling.”
“I screwed up. I’m sorry. I sinned and now what am I going to do about it?”
“I got hurt. So what? Jesus was betrayed–he didn’t throw a pity party so neither should I.”
What if God gave out Performance Reviews?
Prayer: You’re doing much better, but you still have plenty of room for improvement. Also, what about listening a bit more? Sometimes you get a little talkative and get off subject. I encourage you to be brave and pray more with other people. Oh and one last thing. Praying right before bedtime usually makes you fall asleep.
Bible reading: What happened?? You were doing so well for a while. I know life got busy with graduation and moving, but I had hoped you would still keep with the before bedtime reading. What about lunch time? That might be a good time to read a little and then pick up the before bed and first thing in the morning. You really don’t need to check your e-mail ten times in the morning.
Church: I’m so happy that you like Hope and the Church Plant and that you genuinely miss being there when you’re away. Keep pursuing community. I know it’s hard, but keep at it. Also, keep finding ways to serve and be an integral part of Hope and Antioch Community Church.
Contentment: I know, I know, you had hoped this one wouldn’t come up. I know you want things that you don’t have. I know the desires of your heart. So, let’s keep working on this one.
Okay, so I’m lacking on substantial big topics. I know there are plenty more that I could touch on, but you get the idea. I had my 90-day performance review at work. Yikes, I am WAY emotional. I have known this about myself for a while, but today brought it home. I have a hard time seeing the positive (even if there are lots!) alongside the negative. The negative strikes home and becomes all that I remember. I become irrational and feel like I am being personally attacked. I go into the “I’m a horrible person, ect” cycle and get caught up. Rationally, I am thankful for the tips on what I can do better and areas where I need to improve because I honestly want to do the best job that I can in everything that I do. Feedback is important and is helpful. I just need to get beyond the self-esteem issue and wrap my head around the logical, rational side that sees how the criticism will be beneficial and helpful in the end. This covers all areas of my life from spiritual to emotional to work-related to physical to relational. Now, to get to work on changing and improving!
Seth Godin wrote a great blog asking the question whether or not companies or people would be missed. If Target went out of business, would it be missed or would you just go to a similar store? What about Pizza Hut? With so many options and easy replacements, are there that many stores that would truly be missed for a long time? The same goes for people in companies and jobs. I want to be someone who will be missed, someone who made the place I was better to the extent that I’m not easily replaceable. I want to be that specialty lightbulb rather than the regular. What are you doing today that will make you missed?
Now that I am officially employed full-time…I guess I’m staying in the area for a while. Very weird to think about! Even though I kind of assumed/thought I would be…still. The realization that I have to find new doctors, dentists, places, ect makes me a bit sad. I like home even though I know I don’t want to be there now and that I’m not supposed to be there. Funny how I’m more homesick now than I’ve ever been–I don’t really get homesick…
But when I was driving the other day I just wanted to be able to drive to that place where I drive when I don’t know where else to go…the place you drive when you don’t want to go home quite yet, the place that gets you every time, that makes you smile even if you’re crying, yeah that place…
So, I’m staying…but looking for that place.
I have searched high and low since December to find a pair of jeans that fit well. I finally found them!!! Due to various circumstances, I lost some weight and none of my other jeans fit quite right. The jeans either were annoyingly big in the waist or they were too tight in areas or too short (I shrink things…) or a bit old that they had awkward holes. I also found amazing black pants that fit me this last week too. There’s just something amazing about wearing a pair of pants that fits, is comfortable, and makes you feel good.
The same can be true about relationships. I know this is a stretch, but I think the analogy between pants and relationships is interesting 🙂
I have some pants that I wear occasionally, some that I shouldn’t wear, some that I wear all the time, some that I want to wear more often–either too dressy or just not enough other clothes to go with them, some old pairs that I still love, some old pairs that I love, but don’t really work anymore, some that are too comfortable, some that make me want to change, some that change me, ect.
Even my relationship with God has changed throughout the years through some of the different stages. When I was younger, I definitely didn’t want anything to do with that “pair of pants.” When I first became a Christian, I felt extremely awkward and unsure of myself in those dressy pants. At times, I have become too complacent and comfortable in my relationship with God. Other times, the “pants” have been really hard to wear and uncomfortable because I went through a period of change.
A final clarifying thought:
The different types of pants/relationships add variety and freshness to my life. I need dressy pants, skinny jeans, comfy sweatpants just like I need the differing relationships in my life. Not everyone can be a comfortable pair of sweatpants for me, otherwise how am I ever going to get a job! 😉
Biblical Reference to look up: 1 Corinthians 12