Full

My heart is full.  Saturday proved to be a perfect, full day.  I woke up thinking and tweeting: “sunny saturday and no plans as of yet. not sure how I feel about that…”

I started out by staying in bed for a bit and then going outside to embrace the sunshine.  I read and got a tan while laying on a combo of a sleeping bag, blanket, towel and three pillows with music playing in the background next to six different books (Wide Awake, Out of the Salt Shaker, Her Name is Woman, Christ In You, The Bible, Inner Healing).  I even had a blank canvas, paints, a journal, pens, and of course sunglasses.  I like to be prepared/going inside and up the stairs to get something is not an ideal interruption.

Somewhere along the way I decided to pile all my stuff on my stairs in case I decided to return to my spot on the porch after I made delicious sweet tea.  Sweet tea makes my heart happy and feel like summer.  Though, I never did make it back to lay on the porch.  Instead, I helped (Josh–a volunteer here for 10 days) make a sweet video in iMovie.  I am so using that to make some fun stuff.

Then I intended to go on a walk (with Jace), which was delayed due to hanging out and chatting.  Eventually, we (Jace, Allen, and I) made our way to the pond where we saw some poor, sad, dead frogs while discussing how dirty the pool looked and how we needed to get gloves before trying to shimmy down the zip line.  After the walk, we (Jace, Allen, Jen, and I) jumped into a game of Settlers, which made my heart happy since we hadn’t played it yet.  Then dinner, hanging out (most/all of the interns plus the volunteers), playing guitar on an adorable little guitar, talking about life, laughing, time for prayer (for Tara’s family–pray for them too!), and then we ended the day with watching Wolverine.  I even stayed awake and got in some discussion about how some characters have some bitter roots!

Thus, the day ended with the thought and tweet: “what an awesome full saturday that is ending with a full heart 🙂 praise God!”  I am so thankful for the people God has put around me during this time to walk with me and build me up during this time of re-learning, un-learning, and learning while embracing who I am in Him!

My New Love

What started to be a “want to hang out” turned into a full blown crush, which turned into spending quite a bit of time together.  Yes, I’m totally still in the honeymoon stage, but my fingers are numb and my heart is happy.  Granted, I really only know a few chords and am not really even sure how to “strum” properly, but that’s okay.

I find myself in a stage where I’m learning and re-learning so many things that this fits right into the mix. I must go through the pain, develop those callouses and take time in order to learn the chords, which will turn into a song.  The song may not sound pretty at first, but with some hard work, pressing into those strings, and commitment, I know that I can be more than a conqueror and make something beautiful from the pain.

The same is true for the place I find myself in life.  I find myself at a crossroads where I can either press in and dig deep with God or I can be complacent while letting root issues stick around.  To be honest, I’m sick and tired and absolutely hate those roots in my life and the destruction and pain they have caused.  I need and want to go through the pain with Jesus at my side to dig out any and everything that is destructive so that I can bear good fruit and so prove to be His disciple.  In this, I need support, I need prayer, I need people because Christ created us as a body with Him as the head.  Thus, I need Him and I need the rest of the body to help me in this.  I recognize this and ask if you would join me in this journey in whatever way.  A journey where I am committed to this path toward forgiveness, healing, restoration, and new life because I know that in the long run it will all be worth it.