curled up

this is a call to all the dead and disappointed

the ones who feel like they are done

this is a word to all the ones who feel forgotten

you are not.

oh you are not.

cause we’re alive. alive in You.

we are soaked in all the grace that we have been given

unchained from all that we have done

your mercy is rising like the sun on the horizon

we’re coming home

alive by sons & daughters

UP for some Real Me?

I lived in Africa for a year as many of you may know.  While there, I met this amazing girly who I absolutely love and we now have skype dates on Saturday that seriously make my week.  But, see, here’s the thing.  She doesn’t like movies. Like at all. And she rubbed off on me.

I have yet to go to a movie theater since being back in the States, shame, eh? I did thoroughly enjoy Earth from Red Box and would be so incredibly happy to own that entire DVD series.  My “bonding time” with my mama over “The Bachelor” is just about as poppy as I get when it comes to this stuff.

All of that to say that yesterday, I watched a movie after I went on my long run (and yes, we were friends!).  Remember how I told you that I ran 16.1k, well, that was on the docket again for this week.  Though, this time I ran outside (woot! woot! love me some warm(er) weather and running tights and wearing mittens to carry things) and listened to a whole jumble of worship songs*.  Plus, I improved my time!

Despite my speedy running and motivation to attempt to arrive on time, I didn’t…plus, when I got there I stopped and chatted for a bit with the pastor’s wife (love her and hey! relationships matter! and yes…still working on the time thing).  Thankfully, my friends (yes, I’ve been home long enough to even make “friends”) usually extend an extra big dose of grace. Hey, they must be friends if they’re already learning to not let me get away with my answers that aren’t answers (aka indecision) by helping me commit and they put up with my half inviting myself by saying that I so want/need to see said movie they are talking about watching.

By now, you must REALLY be wondering (or you’ve given up on this long post–usually I dislike long posts greatly and even spent time trying to make this shorter, but there’s just too much fun stuff to share….) what movie I would want/need to see….dun dun dun… UP.  Confession: the main reason I wanted to see this movie was because another fabulous girly I met in Africa watched this movie on the plane ride home (I fell asleep..I do that often especially during movies) and told me about an absolutely gut-wrenching line that simply made us BOTH teary eyed or should I say bawling (oh, side note: my eyes turn an amazingly gorgeous green when I cry)…as if we weren’t already since we were leaving “home.”  Today, I didn’t cry nearly as much as I would have if I had watched it then…I only got teary eyed and missed my people and my home.  All because of a few lines:

“It might sound boring, but the boring stuff I remember the most.”

“Thanks for the adventure, now go have a new one.”

Congrats to you if you made it this far!  So, your turn: have you seen UP? do you run on africa time?  do you like movies? tell me something I don’t know.

*Running Playlist for the day: Battlefield by Jordin Sparks, Everything Falls by Fee, More Like Falling in Love by Jason Gray, Rain it Down by Carlos Whittaker, There’s Only One by Caedmon’s Call, How He Loves by Kim Walker, This Day by Audio Adrenaline, You Said by Shane and Shane, Let My Love Open the Door by Audio Adrenaline, Glory to God Forever by Fee, This Could Be Our Day by Addison Road, God of Wonders by Third Day, Show Me Your Glory by Third Day, From the Inside Out by Hillson, Tomalo by Hillsong, Not Enough by Caedmon’s Call, Madly by Steve Fee, All We Need by Charlie Hall,

Laying on the floor…

Love this! Here are some of my favorites with my comments in italics:

I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

Lord, here I am, send me. Keep breaking my heart for what breaks yours. Let Your love overflow.

No moment from my God is a rock of burden…it’s just a rock waiting to be broken apart into stepping stones.

Even this moment…this moment when I’m laying on the floor crying. You are using it to make a stepping stone toward something beautiful.  You are the potter. I am the clay.

choose joy

here am I. I choose You tonight and Your joy.

if what you do does not resonate with you… it is not really going to matter to anyone else.

talking about passion gets me energized and makes me come alive. talking about kids and life changes and God completely invading your heart…yeah, that’s the good stuff.

some pursue happiness..others create it

I may not control the circumstances, but I choose joy and I choose to let God give abundant life in Him.

fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds.

let everything I say and do be a reflection of You.

Weighty

katlehoI stood at the doorway waiting to bring in the Jell-o for the game to see who could eat it the fastest through a straw.  My eyes watched the room from afar.  Looking at the wide range of emotions on the kids’ faces and seeing their reactions to counting stickers.  When I looked closer, I saw and felt hope.  These kids live at Hope House.  A House that can be filled with Hope.  An expectation of things to come, the potential for changed lives filled the room.

Suddenly, my attention turned to a cry from outside the room with commotion.  I turned to see what happened.  Katleho (above) sat on the floor crying.  I asked what had happened to find out that he had fallen forward with his head hitting the floor first.  A bump already popped out and a previous scar from another fall stood out.  My heart reached out with my hands as I tried to hold his hand.  The caretaker tried to drag him to his feet by grabbing his hand, but I went behind asking if I could carry him into the kitchen.  I picked him up, not noticing the wetness, and sat with him on the floor.  I asked the caretakers about Katleho’s seizures and if he was taking his medicine along with if he was up for adoption.

Desperately, I wanted to take him home with me along with all the other kids.  I wanted to hold them in my arms and give them the one-on-one attention they crave.  Yet, more than that, I wanted to show them that I believe in them.  I believe they can.  I don’t want to say, “I can do this for you.” I want to empower them and overwhelm them with love. To feel the weight of the glory of God and the weight of His love for them.

1 Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything”

33 Things You Could Live Without Knowing

1. First thing you wash in the shower? pass.

2. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? probably not?

3. Do you plan outfits? no. i never know until right when I’m getting ready.

4. What are you craving right now? cinnamon crunch bagel with honey walnut cream cheese from panera.

5. Do you floss? yes. of course!

6. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? how many times are we going to eat cabbage…..i want food from home!

7. Are you emotional? true. “i wear my heart on my sleeve again”

8. Have you ever counted to 1,000? probably? i count to 100 and then count backwards from 100 sometimes when I’m running.

9. Do you like your hair? some days. i wish someone else would just do it and that i wouldn’t have to ever blow dry it.

10. Do you like yourself? most days. sure why not.

11. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? why not. not alone though.

12. What are you listening to right now? nothing, unfortunately. i’m on a “I dont’ know what I want to listen to” music streak and I don’t like it!

13. Are your parents strict? nah, they were fine

14. Would you go sky diving? maybe. as long as someone went with me and totally convinced me and made me go. afterward, I’m sure I would be happy I did it…unless I got really hurt or something 🙂

15. Have you ever met a celebrity? yeah. sports players 🙂 federer was fun to see.

16. How many countries have you visited? the US, Canada, South Africa (woot! I’m living here now)

17. Have you made a prank phone call? maybe? a specific instance doesn’t come to mind, but I’ve called and hung up before they answered haha.

18. Brown or white eggs? i don’t know. i haven’t eaten eggs for a while.

19. Do you have a cell phone? yes and no. I have one that is on “hold” til I get back and then I have one I share with my roomie here.

20. Can you use chop sticks? I wish! I love Chinese food, but I haven’t mastered using chop sticks yet.

21. Are you too forgiving? sometimes, most often.

22. Ever been in love? true story.

23. Last time you cried? few days ago while listening to sad music. gotta love how music changes your mood.

24. What was the last question you asked? um probably something about Hope House planning, not sure what though.

25. Are you sarcastic? sometimes. I go back and forth on whether I should use sarcasm.

26. Do looks matter? to who?

27. Do you like your life right now? most days. Fridays make my heart happy.

28. Can you handle the truth? maybe not always right away, but give me a little bit and I’ll get to work on changing whatever or accepting the truth.

29. How often do you talk on the phone? not often here, which is kinda sad. i miss it sometimes.

30. Where was your profile picture taken at? the one on Facebook=Hope House. The other one that I sometimes use=Thrive Africa out on one of the paths. 

31. Can you hula hoop? not well.

32. Do you have a job? not really. I’m a 24/7 intern though.

33. What was the most recent thing you bought? Nando’s maybe? or maybe a white hot chocolate from the cafe.

ht: Tam

Still Here Waiting

Funny story.  When the hunters finally left on Sunday, I went for a little run.  Turns out, I’m the lucky intern to see all the….snakes.  Yep, the thing that I had been dreading the most finally happened.  I went for a run on this fun path that loops around and I was running along listening to a podcast on Ecclesiastes when all the sudden there it was in the middle of the path. a.big.black.snake. Not going to lie, I freaked out and sprinted the other way.  Finally, I controlled my freaking out and crying enough to realize that I was okay.  I was far away from the big scary snake and that I could keep going.  I stuck to the main road for the rest of the way.  We’ll see how long it takes before I head out on that path again 🙂

Thankful Sunday :)

I am so thankful:

  • that this weekend is over!!!!  Weird thing to be thankful for, I know, but such is life.
  • for the prayers that were said for me this weekend–thank you, Los (and all the people who were praying with him), Carrie, Liz, and anyone else.
  • for Mike and Sara…they’re pretty much amazing.  I am in awe at how God used them last night through their actions and words.  I am not one who is hardly ever able to cry in front of people, but for some reason I can in front of them.  Sara sat with me and let me cry before taking me on a walk (I’m definitely a walk and talk girl).  There is such power in being able to sit with someone and share in their sorrow without having to talk.  (reminds me of Job and how his friends sat for days before speaking).
  • board games 🙂 (like rook, wizard and settlers!)
  • my bright, happy room 🙂
  • and a lot of other things, but I’m tired….so bedtime.

I’m staying…

Now that I am officially employed full-time…I guess I’m staying in the area for a while. Very weird to think about! Even though I kind of assumed/thought I would be…still. The realization that I have to find new doctors, dentists, places, ect makes me a bit sad. I like home even though I know I don’t want to be there now and that I’m not supposed to be there. Funny how I’m more homesick now than I’ve ever been–I don’t really get homesick…

But when I was driving the other day I just wanted to be able to drive to that place where I drive when I don’t know where else to go…the place you drive when you don’t want to go home quite yet, the place that gets you every time, that makes you smile even if you’re crying, yeah that place…

So, I’m staying…but looking for that place.

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