What IS working?

Sure, I can go through my list of what has NOT been working (speaking rashly, going to bed way too late turned not getting up early to go running, getting places on time, being on the computer too much, and the list goes on), but where does that get me? Usually…discouraged, frustrated, trying to do it myself. Not a good place.

So, in the midst of my crying out, God gave me a little reminder tucked away in my journal written in orange highlighter:

And that,right there, is where I’m choosing to turn my focus today.

What’s working: journaling, days at work, seeing joy in the little things, adventures

From here, I’m going to keep finding out what’s working, do some more of that, fill in the gaps where I can, and mostly lean on Him to give me the strength because He sure does tell me that I can do nothing without Him.

And while I’m at it since I’m a words girl…I’ll keep singing:

“Cause even in the dark you can still see the light”

“I don’t want to go one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me. Just okay is not enough.”

“It’s joy unspeakable”

“Hey now, this is my desire, consume me like a fire cause I just want something beautiful to touch me.”

So, how are you doing today? What’s working for you? What are you listening to?

Thankful Sunday :)

I am so thankful:

• that this weekend is over!!!!  Weird thing to be thankful for, I know, but such is life.
• for the prayers that were said for me this weekend–thank you, Los (and all the people who were praying with him), Carrie, Liz, and anyone else.
• for Mike and Sara…they’re pretty much amazing.  I am in awe at how God used them last night through their actions and words.  I am not one who is hardly ever able to cry in front of people, but for some reason I can in front of them.  Sara sat with me and let me cry before taking me on a walk (I’m definitely a walk and talk girl).  There is such power in being able to sit with someone and share in their sorrow without having to talk.  (reminds me of Job and how his friends sat for days before speaking).
• board games 🙂 (like rook, wizard and settlers!)
• my bright, happy room 🙂
• and a lot of other things, but I’m tired….so bedtime.

Performance Review

What if God gave out Performance Reviews?

Prayer: You’re doing much better, but you still have plenty of room for improvement. Also, what about listening a bit more? Sometimes you get a little talkative and get off subject. I encourage you to be brave and pray more with other people. Oh and one last thing. Praying right before bedtime usually makes you fall asleep.

Bible reading: What happened?? You were doing so well for a while. I know life got busy with graduation and moving, but I had hoped you would still keep with the before bedtime reading. What about lunch time? That might be a good time to read a little and then pick up the before bed and first thing in the morning. You really don’t need to check your e-mail ten times in the morning.

Church: I’m so happy that you like Hope and the Church Plant and that you genuinely miss being there when you’re away. Keep pursuing community. I know it’s hard, but keep at it. Also, keep finding ways to serve and be an integral part of Hope and Antioch Community Church.

Contentment: I know, I know, you had hoped this one wouldn’t come up. I know you want things that you don’t have. I know the desires of your heart. So, let’s keep working on this one.

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Okay, so I’m lacking on substantial big topics. I know there are plenty more that I could touch on, but you get the idea. I had my 90-day performance review at work. Yikes, I am WAY emotional. I have known this about myself for a while, but today brought it home. I have a hard time seeing the positive (even if there are lots!) alongside the negative. The negative strikes home and becomes all that I remember. I become irrational and feel like I am being personally attacked. I go into the “I’m a horrible person, ect” cycle and get caught up. Rationally, I am thankful for the tips on what I can do better and areas where I need to improve because I honestly want to do the best job that I can in everything that I do. Feedback is important and is helpful. I just need to get beyond the self-esteem issue and wrap my head around the logical, rational side that sees how the criticism will be beneficial and helpful in the end. This covers all areas of my life from spiritual to emotional to work-related to physical to relational. Now, to get to work on changing and improving!