3 months and counting

3 super happy months of being married! woot! in celebration, I went through our wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures to finally post them on facebook.  if we’re friends, you can look at them here. made me totally want to do the whole day over again and to run off to the mountains and the beach like now. but instead, i’ll make a list of all the fun things i love about life right where i’m at! in no particular order here are 12 things for the 12th.

1. being married

2. my awesome husband

3. my adorable dog Boaz who loves me

4. my church family.

5. a wonderful place to live that is warm even though it’s still cold outside

6. traveling to look forward to in the future

7. friends’ super cute babies

8. being able to e-mail and text best friends

9. being able to cook all sorts of deliciousness

10.  pinterest boards of lovely things

11. books to read and time to read them

12. mornings spent with god reading the bible and doing the breaking free bible study

What are you loving about your life right now?

Learning to Deal with Disappointment

How you learn to manage your disappointments in your life will determine your destiny.

-Christine Caine

Disappointments come all around us in life.  They start coming even when we’re little.  When the friend chooses someone else to share her cookie with that day or when we don’t get to go on a class trip or when we miss out on getting the most amazing new toy ever.  Sometimes we’ll pout and throw our fits.  Other times we’ll get mean and say some angry words because at the core, we’re hurt.

 Then we get a little older and well, the disappointments don’t stop coming.  The little disappointments are still there like missing out on getting a cute new Starbucks mug because they sold out or missing going to a store because it closed or someone else getting what we wanted.  “Bigger” things too can crush our fragile hearts like not getting picked for a job or watching a ministry close down or not being able to get pregnant or watching our plans change.  That’s when we might simply cry because we had a plan and now it’s going all wrong.  We’d prayed and prayed and things weren’t supposed to turn out this way.

I started writing this post on December 12, 2011.  I had no clue on that day what God would do in my life and how different everything would be just a year later.  There’s the acknowledgement that if some of my disappointments hadn’t come, I wouldn’t be where I am today.  Yet, there’s also the acknowledgement that those disappointments were exactly that. A disappointment.  Something to feel, grieve, and walk out.  Even when good is worked out of a situation, it can still hurt.

But that’s where Christine Cain ever so convictingly reminds us that how we handle those disappointments will determine our destiny.  Will we stay in our hurt and in turn hurt those around us?  Will we thank and worship God even so?  Will we hold grudges and reject others because of our jealousy or hurt?  Will we choose faith or fear? How will we handle our disappointments?

Lord, I haven’t always handled my disappointments with grace and love….help me, teach me, and be with me as the disappointments keep coming so that I can handle them in a healthy, godly way that draws me closer to You.

a dream

I had a dream that I posted a blog with all sorts of bullet points and prayers.  I don’t remember what they were but it reminded me of this little space that I’ve left dormant while I’ve been off living out adventures that haven’t been put onto paper.  I keep waiting for time to slow but I know better than that.  So, I figured, I’d take a minute or two to say hi.

Lately, I’ve been perusing pinterest and there’s a board that I’ve deemed “to fill my home with all things happy and beautiful.”  This little one has accumulated almost the most pins out of my boards–quoateable beats it by a bit.  But as I think about those fun ladies over at Squee who wrote a whole eBook on figuring out your what pinterest says about you…and no, I haven’t yet gone through it all! On my list and sitting open in my browser!  But I can’t help but be struck by how that’s so long been a core value and a priority and a longing and a desire and just part of my heart.  As I’ve said before, “I just want a home…is that too much to ask for?”  Now, I don’t mean a literal building, though that’d be nice, but it runs far deeper than that.  Home is all things safe and cozy and protected and loved and accepted and beautiful and happy.  In many ways, there’s that understated longing for heaven that we all have which plays into this; yet, too, I am ever thankful to God for the places and people in my here and now that I call home.

On that note, I think I’ll get back to all the other things I should be doing….graduate classes did start yesterday..ep!

p.s. what is one of your favorite pinterest boards?

Ask

 

I love this ring.  I’d never pegged myself as a “big ring” girl until I saw this one.  The zebra print, the stretchy band, sparkles…I pondered for a bit and then just had to have it.  Walked out of the store wearing it on my pretty little left hand. A happy little reminder to go with my tattoo–a “Oh hey, love, I see you” from God.

Thus, in an effort to keep the ring pretty and clean, I took it off once before washing my hands at Barnes and Nobles.  Set it on the counter. Promptly dried my hands and walked out.

Without the ring.

When I felt my hand go to play with the ring because let’s be honest I’m always finding a necklace, earring, or ring to occupy my hands with…well, the ring came up painfully absent.

I rushed back to the bathroom to search the counter in vain.  I even peaked at the top of the trash can.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Except I’d been playing this little song all day and it was stuck in my head!

(If you haven’t had a chance to listen to the songs from The Story then go right now and do so! They’re all fabulous…I am partial toward Job, Joseph, Esther, Ruth & Naomi, and Mary Magdalene)

Back to the story…normally, I’d figure that the ring was lost and I might as well beat myself up over losing it and be sad, let it go, and move on…but then I felt that nudge and reminder that “You gotta ask if you want an answer.”

So, I did.  I determined that I would ask.  I’d go to the help center and ask.  I awkwardly explained how I left my zebra print ring in the restroom to, of course, the male worker and waited for a response.  He said he would check so he picked up the phone, but then must have seen it tucked away.  He picked it up and handed it over. I profusely thanked him and walked off.

I slipped it back on my finger and breathed a huge breath of love.

Since one of my top love languages is gifts, this was completely a gift that flooded my heart with God’s love.  A tangible gift slipped onto my hand from the One my heart loves.  A reminder that even when all I feel is alone that I’m not.  He’s slipped the ring on my finger and I’m chosen. Delighted in and loved fiercely.

Regardless of circumstances and even in the areas where I doubt, His love knows no bounds.  Even where we can’t see Him, He’s there.  So, look for Him even in the little nudges just for you and trust Him even if you don’t get the circumstances you want…something better is coming along and He’s the ultimate gift.

Welcome

Welcome Home. 

How do you pack up all your things and shuffle them around trying to decide what stays, what goes, and what gets thrown out? How do you hold back the tears of unwrapping bits of your deferred dreams over and over? How do you create a home in a place that looks bare and uninviting, but holds potential?

Time.

Kairos. The right or opportune moment.

(and a little help from family who decides to just grab all your stuff because they’re not emotionally invested in it….)

So many things in life need a little bit more time.  God’s timing hardly ever seems to be my timing.  My timing would find me packing for Africa last year.  My timing wouldn’t find me walking up steps to a new home in the same snowy place.

But here in the moments of “excuse me, what are you doing, God?” He’s with us.  Beckoning us to hold on to hope.  Reminding us to keep worshipping Him through all situations and circumstances.  Hindsight will show so much.  Wait for it because then we’ll see the beauty of His timing.  We’ll be celebrating up and down the streets with thanksgiving.

And a little side note love that sets my heart singing is that the very word Kairos sounds so very much like Kyrios. The Kyrios that sweet Angie Smith talked about at Women of Faith.  The Lord. The one my heart loves. The Kyrios who Peter called out to on the water to come save him.  A Kyrios who knows the Kairos for you.  He knows the perfect time for everything.

Rest in that even when all seems lost.  Goodness is on its way.

Have you seen how God’s timing is different than yours? What helps you keep grounded when the timing isn’t happening when you’d like?

Sunday on Monday

I’m sitting up on a Sunday night ready to jump into bed and calm down this mind of mine that loves to run rampant at all hours of the day.  Each day so much happens to bottle up and store up in my heart that I’m often left grabbing at pieces as they flitter away on the wind, so instead of gathering them all I’m going to write them out and maybe you’ll enjoy a few of the pearls I’ve picked up today too.

1. Declaring December to be “Birthday Month” has seriously been one of the best things I could ever have done.  While I’m still playing hide and seek with my actual birthday, the rest has been fabulous.  I’ve loved seeking out little things to enjoy and embrace about all the ways I can not only accept this season, but really try to see it as a “for such a time as this” type.  What that looked like today: taking my dog on a walk and laughing as I found myself scooping him up and showing me that even though he still breaks into the fridge (literally.) that he is really 16 years old.

2. Christine Caine brought a word at Oasis LA that rocked my head and heart.  She ended it off with a challenge to say: “i’m going to lean in, rely on, and trust on God.”  Oh hey there One Word 2011.  Trust sure has been a journey this year…more to come on that later when I do my wrap-up post.

3. And because I said I loved Christine Caine…here’s the other part of her message that struck me hard! “Jesus is with you when you’re disappointed…sometimes your face is just downcast. look up!! Remember the disciples on the road after Jesus had been crucified?  Jesus was on the road with them, but they didn’t know because they were downcast! Uh, can we get a whoa!? And here’s a little ending thought…how you learn to manage your disappointments in your life will determine your destiny.  I could go on and on, but all that to say that I needed the little exhale reminder of that this is that season where you’re stuck on the backside of the mountain where you’re healing and learning…so embrace it.

4. Kids are fabulous. They teach me so much.

5. Glitter glue takes a long time to dry…

6. Just listening and being empathetic is power.  Not to mention words of encouragement that show you where you are and that you are doing things and that you don’t have to “do” more to be loved….sometimes I get blinded to the obvious….plus, those are the kinds of words that hit home and that I often stare at and be like um oh hey you’re speaking my love language and I don’t always know how to respond or receive. Learning process in trusting.

7. One step forward. Two steps back. Even when life feels like this, keep moving.

8. I love the community of Cross Point online and the Q & A at the end.  Does my heart good.

9. Oh the Amazing Race….you show so much about communication, finishing well, relationships, life, and so much not to mention all sorts of traveling.  I’m just a bit sad you’re over.

10. God puts me flat on my face saying You are God. I am not. You’re in control. I’m not. I’m choosing to trust You.

Keep Choosing

 

Esau comes home and is famished. The kind where you want to eat everything in sight and all you can think about is just how good it will all taste in your mouth.  The kind where you’re done working out and you’ve hit the “starving” phase even though you’re not really “starving.”  You feel like it.  You want cake. You want a nutella sandwich.  And oh my a piece of cheesy bread sounds delicious.  Or maybe you want stew.

The stew that your brother just happens to have made.  He conveniently prepared this stew beforehand and it’s ready.  Piping hot and smelling delicious.  Except there’s a price.

He wants your birth right.

Your what!?

Well, you know that thing that means you’re first in line to inherit from your parents.  You get prestige, honor, respect, double inheritance.  Not to mention blessings too.

But, see. Esau feels like he’s pretty much going to die if he doesn’t eat right this second.

And a birth right sure doesn’t seem to do you much good if you die before you even get a chance to enjoy it.

Right then and there.  Esau swore away his birth right.

Then he enjoyed the stew…

Well, enjoyed the stew only until he finished and then got up to leave.

By this time, the exchange didn’t seem to be that great of a deal.

He did what any reasonable man did…and despised his birth right since of course it was no longer his…

All because he decided to take what he wanted most in the moment rather than looking long term.

——-

The allure of the pressing need in the moment draws us close, but the glamour fades fast once the temporary pleasure leaves.  I know I’ve sold different “birth rights” before.  Sometimes they are as simple as buying a book before shopping around.  Other times, I’ve chosen to spend money on an item that I later hated.  Choices come at us every day.  We’re constantly making decisions.  What will I wear? Will I read blogs first or later? Will I read the Bible in the morning or at night or both? Will I drive or walk to work? Will I pray today? Will I meditate?  Now, the heart isn’t to become legalistic and rule-bound.  Because that just makes us feel the weight of the ball and chain.  Instead, we get to make the best choice we can.  See what happens and learn from it.  Then make another choice.  Keep choosing.  Praise God for grace to choose again.  And remember…our treasure is in heaven.

Where are you tempted to sell your “birth right” for something that looks tempting in the moment?  Have you sold your “birth right” before–what did you learn?  

ht: Genesis 25:29-34

trust the process

There’s an ache that comes when I read of miracles and stories.  Often, I find the stories being shared after the rejoicing and the dawn of the morning has come.  Yet, when the rejoicing comes, I’m the one thinking of the person left on the other side.  What of the man who didn’t get chosen? I wonder what happened to him…  What of the one who is praying ever so fervently for the same prayer as you…but doesn’t get the happily ever after of here’s what God did for me.  What about the ones God tells not to go?  There are no guarantees that our prayers will be answered exactly how we like.  Even the disciples are told they do not know what they’re asking.    But somewhere in the midst God works through the process.  The heart-wrenching climb up the mountain of dying to self.  From being thrown in a pit to being carried off to Egypt to a prison sentence, I imagine Joseph at the time didn’t run around thinking surely God intended all of this for good.  Yet, hindsight is 20/20.  He stepped back to give glory to God.   When David was hiding in a cave did he say oh yes this is exactly where I’m supposed to be?  Or what of how Esther stepped forth to risk her life?  And then there’s always Job who lost everything.

The challenge is to trust God in the process.  To wrestle another day.  Sometimes even to be brave enough to pray that same pray one more time.  Or sometimes to cry the tears, grieve, and say, “God, if that’s not for me…that’s okay. You’re still good.”

Good for what? {A video blog!}

 

God’s there…

Why do you say, O jacob, and complain, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the LORD; my cause is disregarded by my God”?

Do you not know? Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

-Isaiah 40:27-31

Next time you start thinking that God isn’t seeing or regarding your cause…remember this. He’s there. He doesn’t sleep or slumber. He sees you. He’s working it all out. He is so very faithful.

for He {God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support.  [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

-Hebrews 13:5