Internet has been sketchy here the last however long so I had this one sitting in the drafts and never got around to it….so I’m playing twice today =)
Friday’s come fast! Here comes another week to spend 5 minutes writing without editing….ek!
I’m afraid I won’t be enough. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of not being perfect. I’m afraid of losing friends. I’m afraid of not being a good wife. I’m afraid I’ll hear mean words again. I’m afraid others won’t forgive. I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing. I’m afraid I’ll be forgotten. I’m afraid I’ll waste my time. I’m afraid they’ll never change. I’m afraid I won’t change. I’m afraid I’ll be embarrassed. I’m afraid I’ll never have those babies. I’m afraid I’ll say something hurtful. I’m afraid it’ll hurt. I’m afraid. I’m scared.
Yes, I’m not always going to be enough. Yes, they may never be happy. Yes, I’ll probably be rejected. Yes, I might lose friends. Yes, they may wish I would do something different or be someone different. Yes, I likely won’t always be a good wife. Yes, I’ll probably be hurt by words. Yes, sometimes people won’t forgive me. Yes, I’ll probably say the wrong thing a time or two or thirty. Yes, I might even waste time. Yes, they might not change and I might have my own thorn in my side. Yes, I’m pretty sure I’ll be embarrassed. Yes, I might not have babies. Yes, I’m sure I will say hurtful things and need to apologize. Yes, it will hurt sometimes.
But God says…
I’m enough so you don’t have to be enough. I’m happy with you. I made you the way you are. I’ll provide you with all you need–including friends. You get to be the wife I made you to be and there’s grace and learning. I say kind words to you and sing over you with love when the words of others hurt. I’ve forgiven you. I’ll teach you to speak truth and love. I’ll show you what I want you to do and when to do it. I’ve changed you and given you a new heart. I’m your protector and you don’t have to worry about others. I’ve got a plan. I’ll prompt you to apologize and humble yourself. I’ll bind up your wounds. I’ll be here. always.
Dear Jesus, come quickly. I’m broken down and laid open. My heart is threadbare and my tears cover my face. I’m terrified once again and I’m fighting back the urge to curl up in my bed away from it all. Take me away and hide me in the curve of your arm and tuck me under the shelter of your wings. Only in Your protection and love can I find the rest and peace my heart so desperately craves. You’re the home I long for in the middle of the night. I toss and turn in my bed at night dreaming of a place thousands of miles away. You promised my heart screams out and I wait. I wait in the crook of your precious faithfulness. You won’t disappoint. My timing has long since past, but I have learned to trust in Your holy name. The King is here. He is here forever and for always. His plans and purposes shall prevail. He does not leave me naked and bare. He binds up my broken heart. He calls me His delight. He sings over me with melodies sweet to my ear and precious to my heart. He is faithful. He’s been faithful and He’ll be faithful. He’ll bring me back to the place that I find my dreams. I may be bare and vulnerable before Him…but He’s good.