While I so wish I was drinking a beautiful red cup from Starbucks…alas, I am not, but I am hopeful to cross that one off my Birthday Month List at some point. In the meantime, I’ll settle for some water and say yay Saturday!
And here’s where I let you in on the posts that hit my heart and situation throughout the week:
Right along when I’m trying desperately to learn how to drink this cup well and to embrace this situation (even through the craziness of declaring a Birthday Month), I read this and nod my head saying, “Yes, yes. That’s how it works.” Then I meander over to this one and say oh my….what a terrifyingly, yet perfectly illogical and such a “God-thing” to happen. I get the tension. The hindsight is 20/20 part. The learning to embrace the desert, the winter, the transition, the place you definitely didn’t think you’d be at. In the thick of it, I want to walk it well.
Here’s the one where I need to remember to look back to see the intricate threads God placed before me and is weaving together to lead me on further.
And this here’s where I realized yet again that…wait…I don’t even know if I know how to receive grace and love. Where I processed it later to realize that oh yes, I do a mini freak out in my head any time anyone does anything remotely in the same line as trying to show me love and grace. The whole waiting for other shoe to drop, the I’m not worth this, the I’m going to run and hide before you hurt me, the I just want to cry because you saw me just a little. Here’s to learning to embrace the awkward, this is weird feelings and not run. Love and grace are powerful. Receive them.
“Jesus wanted his followers to live their lives as if God can be trusted.” @andystanley
–Why, yes, Andy, that is quite the challenge…here goes.
Ah, Bianca, you made me laugh and then ugh I’m still fighting this because maybe I’m just still stubborn and want a different story even if that story just includes my adorable Vizsla named Boaz (and yes that name makes me smile/laugh every.single.time) (psst when doing research about vizslas reading this blog made me want one even more!) and a lovely little place to call home. Goodness, I might even throw in a Great Pyrenees some day too.
Oh and did you know that maybe waiting IS the plan?
sometimes God shows us a different vehicle is in order and more often than not it’s still hard to let go of plan a.
Lastly, my two repeat songs:
I don’t have a choice, but I’d still choose you.
I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back.
(those lyrics hit my heart every.single.time and oh how my heart loves the description that Joy Williams gives about the song: “This song was our attempt at being as brutally honest about the dangerous and beautiful process of knowing and being known.” And that, dear ones, is a dangerously vulnerable and beautiful process of being known by God and wrestling.)
if this waiting lasts forever, i’m afraid i might let go.
i need a reason to sing.
there be a victory. You sing it over me now. your peace is the melody. you sing it over me now.
(victory. peace. yes, please.)
Your turn! What did you find this week?