5 minutes. no editing. just write.
my head twists in words and phrases. sometimes it gets stuck on the merry-go-round of playing the same words over and over trying to come up with different responses to the same situation. the words stick. the words others say to me roll around in my head for days, weeks, months later. and yet the part that especially makes my eyes well up about remembering is that sometimes i just know that what you look like will fade. i won’t be able to just throw up an image of you in my head and see you. so when you go walking out that door, i find that days later when i realize that it was the last moment…i can’t remember. i can’t remember what your face looked like when you said good-bye. so i snap pictures trying desperately to capture the moments to help me remember. because i’ll remember the words, i’ll remember the way i felt, but sometimes remembering what things looked like is too much and fragmented. so then i’ll sit and try so hard to get my brain to form a picture of you even though i know you’ll look different now that time has passed. i think that’s the hardest part of all the good-bye’s. especially when i don’t see the final good-bye coming and there’s been so many of those that i clench my heart waiting for the day to happen.