Dear baby,

I talked about you today and oh how my heart leapt.  I didn’t even expect to talk about you, but the conversation just flowed.  For one of the first times, I voiced out loud what I love about how God is weaving your story even right today.  Baby girl, baby boy. I don’t even know that, but I do know that whenever I play Amos Story or Come Home Beautiful and when I talk about orphan care and just random moments….I think of you.  See, I don’t know how God is going to write this story.  That’s one of the hardest things for me to trust.  To trust that He will weave it together.  I’m walking out that trust as best as I can and thankful for friends who remind me: “He will bring all your desires to fruition in His timing….as long as you hold fast.”  But, baby, I want you know that I’ve prayed for you over and over. I’ve known you’re going to be part of this family–whatever that looks like.  You already are in my heart.  You’re loved right now, this moment. I smile and laugh because I don’t even know if you’re born yet, but I know God knows.  He knows it all even when I don’t know.  He hears and loves you.  And one day. You’ll be “home.” We’ll sit on a bed and I’ll tell you about how long before anything was in line and when all seemed bleak, I still prayed for you and believed you’d be sitting right here snuggling with me.  I wanted you and loved you right now in this moment as a single girl not knowing what the future holds–not knowing if I’ll have a man by my side or if I can even have babies…before it all. I loved you. That’s what I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you that only God can put together a family like that.

You are loved, baby. So loved.

8 thoughts on “Dear….

  1. Oy vey…. Katy! God does, know those deepest heart felt longings and desires, Keep walking out this faith, trust and above all keep HOPE for he has GREAT plans for you. I can’t tell you how many times I prayed similar prayers for my babies, I didn’t even know how to pray sometimes… but he is so faithful, he has your heart and knows how to hold it gently. You can truly trust fully in his plan for you, as you continue to hold on to those dreams and walk out what he’s set before you. Just don’t forget to live for “today” I spent a lot of years living for “tomorrow” and those dreams and hopes sometimes took over my thought life when I could have been more present…. But keep holding on!!

    • i thought of you when i was editing this. one of those posts that i tucked away for a while not really sure if i wanted to share or not. i love hearing bits of your testimony and story and the ways that god’s put together your beautiful family. and it’s so true that it’s unfortunately too easy to become focused on tomorrow instead of being thankful for the season that we are in today. i recently read this quote and i love it even though it’s hard….

      “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not: remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

      finding that hard balance of still having hope (let’s be honest…i’d much rather chuck hope and some of these desires out the window because it would be “easier” in a way) while also being fully present and enjoying the present season.

      love you.

  2. Katy that was soooooo beautiful…I am up late with a huge lump in my throat because I am missing my Mia..reading that makes me feel soooo much better because I know she is in your loving care. Thank you for loving on our kids!

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