still…

i’m still in alexandria.

i’m still waiting to see my baby.

i’m still missing africa like whoa.

i still feel out of place

i’m still single.

i’m still missing and praying for my someday man and babies.

i’m still grieving things that didn’t happen… in the way and in the timing i wanted.

i still try to make a joke of it and then go cry behind my sunglasses

i’m still fighting the times when i find “i nearly left the real me on the shelf”

i’m still listening to this song

i’m still saying i do, still to god.

i’m still holding fast.

i’m still learning to choose trust

i’m still not anywhere near where i want to be

i’m still hurt

i’m still praying

i’m still in an i don’t know

i’m still caught in the in between

i’m still breathing

i’m still trying to exhale and enjoy

i’m still wondering what god is doing

——-

5 minutes on still…definitely took a turn i didn’t expect. oh hearts are amazingly messy. but thankfully most of the “still’s” aren’t all the time.  plus, i can just say that most of the happy-go-lucky, optimistic parts are on the side of i’m now doing this…really. there are glimpses of sunrise new beginnings just not in the “still’s.”

your turn…what happens in your heart when you start writing about “still”?

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36 thoughts on “still…

  1. I love your writing here. “Be still and know that He is God”. I linked up for the first time today. It was freeing!

  2. I love your writing here. “Be still and know that He is God”. Praying He is closer to you in the “stillness” of life. I linked up today for the first time. It was freeing!

  3. Beautiful, honest words here… He is faithful and unfailing in his goodness and mercy. He will lead you through to his glorious blessings in his perfect and appointed time… praying for you friend…. thank you for this…

  4. Your words are so authentic. Even if the stills aren’t most of the time, they are still worthy to be lifted up to the God who wants our whole hearts…messy and all.

  5. You wrote: I’m still wondering what God is doing.
    So well said.

    It can be so hard sometimes to be still and not fearful, to trust and be faithful, especially when we think or feel we are supposed to be somewhere else or doing something else.

    In the midst of my own trials, I was pointed this week to Hebrews 11:1, and then went back to read the entire chapter. What a comfort it was to read it all, and drink in the beginning of almost every verse: “By faith”. Such a great reminder of what it means to have faith.

    Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

    • you hit it right on the nail. to trust when we think we should be somewhere else. i still (ha!) find myself thinking that i’m supposed to be already back in africa or that i am supposed to be already married and then it’s like um wait nope guess god’s working it out differently regardless of my “supposed” to feelings.

      that chapter is so very comforting yet challenging. just seeing the faithfulness and steadfast hearts mixed with some very long waiting periods.

  6. Katy, I love your transparency in this post. My heart leaps for joy for you because I was single for a lot longer than I wanted to be, and all I ever wanted was babies, but you have found the true source of peace – holding close to Jesus. I didn’t always do that in my time of waiting, and now my purpose is to disciple single women to recognize that Jesus, and only Jesus, can give us that peace that we so desperatelty seek. It is possible as a single person – not easy and pleasant and happy all the time – but possible. Please, please stay strong in Him. Many, many blessings to you! His timing is so perfect, and He has a plan for you that you cannot even fathom!

    • ohhh thank you SO much for sharing a bit and for encouraging me in my “hard.” so appreciate that and so love your heart and that you do get it in a certain way. really, thank you.

  7. When “i’m still caught in the in between” and “i’m still saying i do, still to god” dwell together, no matter how much the painful parts brush up against each other, hope and saying i do keeps us grounded, and watching for evidence of God’s hand in it all. Thanks for keeping it real. God, hold this sweet girl’s longings near to Your heart.

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