safe

“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver…”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

(i love narnia. so good.)

“It’s okay not to be okay. Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart…just be true to who you are…real talk, real love, good love, good night, with a smile that’s my home.”

(yes.  yes. i do love so you think you can dance. do you?)

(oh no my walls are gonna break. so close it’s more than i can take. love just isn’t everything you want, but it’s everything you need. it’s taken so long to finally see that Your love is worth the risk.)

breathe. exhale. rest.

Sometimes I try to convince myself that I want safe, comfortable love.  I may want that, but that’s not what I need. That’s the fake, at a distance kind of love that doesn’t satisfy.  I need love like a lion.  I crave an all-consuming fire.  A Love that tears down my walls and pierces my heart.  A Love that strips me of my insecurities and reveals all my triggers.  My gun shot run and hide from love responses that rip me apart inside don’t frighten Love away. Oh no, He relentlessly pursues me and holds me when I’m not okay.  That’s the love I choose to trust. That’s the love I stake my claim and lay bare my heart for in the depths of the night when my words are scattered.  He’s the one who gets it all and wants me to bring it all.  He gets the worries, frustrations, big picture plans, dreams, questions, I don’t know’s, praises, thank-you’s, and the simple just sitting together.  For the longest time, I missed out on this love.  I missed out on the intimacy that conflict, questions, pain, and expression bring.  I deliberately pulled out pieces of the puzzle to bring to Him, but left others untouched.  In that, I missed out on the joy and peace found in the exchange. I’m learning…to bring it all because while it may not be safe. It’s good.