free

my repeat songs lately?

free to be me by francesca battistelli

not what i thought by jessa anderson ( i got this for free and i LOVE it. god is SO not who i thought…in a good way. a real good way. in fact i love this song i’ll probably write more about it now now. =) loved the song explanation too.)

what if we were real by mandisa

perfect by pink (clean version only!)

dynamite by taio cruz (yeah yeah celebrate life.)

you are more by tenth avenue north (this is my song that i hear and go sigh. god i know you keep speaking this over me even though i keep trying to be the girl in the corner with tear stained eyes and the shame she can’t hide)

brian wahl (have i told you i love him? because i do. not the love like i want to marry him just the love that i love his music)

 

noticing a theme?

i’m wrestling with the wounds of the past and the “traumas” and finally ripping off my dirty quick fix hide this bandages so that there can be actual real healing. because at some point the bandaids have to come off.  at some point you decide. decide to fight through the hard. decide enough’s enough. decide to surrender to be free. decide to be you. life’s full of decisions and more often than not i play the analytical mythical find the “best” and end up in indecision but when i decide i decide and i’m starting to decide. so by no means am i perfect…i’ve still got open wounds…wounds finally open take time to heal too.

but tonight. i tasted a bit of what i lost when i came back to the states. a bit of that freedom to be comfortable in my own skin. of the confidence and grit and stubbornness.

i ran.

since i don’t like any of the running shoes i have currently…i left them all at home.

bare feet. sun setting. my sweet spot within minutes.

a mile or so later. sitting on the end of the dock splashing my dirty dirty blistered feet.

so much transpired in a moment from thinking i was putting my dog outside to finding my feet hitting the pavement and my heart learning to lean into the moment.

a moment of chatting away with god without having to use any words.

a big exhale of trust and letting go expectations.

—–

has god surprised you by a moment lately?

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “free

  1. This post overflows with good things: I can see you running forward into freedom, into what is difficult and painful, and your trust that God is good, and loves you, is beautiful to see. I love picturing you on the dock with the sun setting and leaning into the moment. Thank you so much for sharing this.

  2. I absolutely love this post… so much emotion that is so hard to express. Beautiful…

    And btw…about half your playlist is on my constant replay too. You got me hocked on Mandisa! haha

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s