my repeat songs lately?

free to be me by francesca battistelli

not what i thought by jessa anderson ( i got this for free and i LOVE it. god is SO not who i thought…in a good way. a real good way. in fact i love this song i’ll probably write more about it now now. =) loved the song explanation too.)

what if we were real by mandisa

perfect by pink (clean version only!)

dynamite by taio cruz (yeah yeah celebrate life.)

you are more by tenth avenue north (this is my song that i hear and go sigh. god i know you keep speaking this over me even though i keep trying to be the girl in the corner with tear stained eyes and the shame she can’t hide)

brian wahl (have i told you i love him? because i do. not the love like i want to marry him just the love that i love his music)


noticing a theme?

i’m wrestling with the wounds of the past and the “traumas” and finally ripping off my dirty quick fix hide this bandages so that there can be actual real healing. because at some point the bandaids have to come off.  at some point you decide. decide to fight through the hard. decide enough’s enough. decide to surrender to be free. decide to be you. life’s full of decisions and more often than not i play the analytical mythical find the “best” and end up in indecision but when i decide i decide and i’m starting to decide. so by no means am i perfect…i’ve still got open wounds…wounds finally open take time to heal too.

but tonight. i tasted a bit of what i lost when i came back to the states. a bit of that freedom to be comfortable in my own skin. of the confidence and grit and stubbornness.

i ran.

since i don’t like any of the running shoes i have currently…i left them all at home.

bare feet. sun setting. my sweet spot within minutes.

a mile or so later. sitting on the end of the dock splashing my dirty dirty blistered feet.

so much transpired in a moment from thinking i was putting my dog outside to finding my feet hitting the pavement and my heart learning to lean into the moment.

a moment of chatting away with god without having to use any words.

a big exhale of trust and letting go expectations.


has god surprised you by a moment lately?

all or nothing

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who have dimmers and those who have on-off switches.

People who have dimmers can regulate how much they drink, smoke, exercise, have sex, eat, work, play BrickBreaker on their BlackBerrys.  They can “dial it back.” They can “take it or leave it.” Their motto is “Moderation in all things.”  We need these people.  They become actuaries and veterinarians.  Our pets would die without them.

Other people are born with on-off switches. They are all the way on or all the way off; there is no in-between. Their motto is “Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.”  They drink like the Taliban have taken over the country and plan to turn every liquor store in the nation into a mosque.  They can’t jog the occasional two-miler.  They won’t be happy until they cripple themselves overtraining for an Ironman.  They can’t eat one Oreo.  They have to eat like twenty, like a Hoover set on a deep shag.  If the doctor prescribes one Percocet every eight hours, they take two every four and sit drooling on the couch, watching Jeopardy reruns.

-Jesus, My Father, the CIA, and Me

What kind are you?

p.s. bet you can guess what side i fall on?!