5 minutes…

when seasons change.

i’m ragged. i’m here typing on a computer that feels so foreign because my computer. the one with the cute yellow tape. with the people of the second chance sticker. with the pictures of my babies in africa all over it. the one that was with me in africa. with a reminder on my background that God is a God of hope. the computer with ALL my writing. my heart thoughts. my ponderings. my journaling. my heart spread out in words.

that computer. died.

and i feel like this week has been so much. i’m at the end of the rope and letting go to just fall into His arms…so very broken.

a week of heart aching for all the orphans and for my beloved africa. a week of seeing what it means to live on $1.50 a day.

a week where i let open a crack knowing that come monday the floodgates open wide. where i pray i’ll actually speak words amidst the tears.

i’m bracing my heart for that.

i know it will be good. eventually.

all this dying.

He even says we have to die to truly find life….

and because after so much…i can only hope for a new season.


do you need a change in seasons? what season are you living in right now?

ht: gypsy mama‘s 5 minute fridays =)


20 thoughts on “5 minutes…

  1. The loss of a computer–oh, sadness! Isn’t it funny how a computer can become a place? But I love your heart and your bravery to step into a new season.

    • it really is funny how much a computer can hold and can become a place to tuck away heart thoughts. as for bravery…i’m just doing it afraid.

  2. oh …. hearing you and so inspired by you. I learnt that in dying to self something of significance is born. Keep going – breath – exhale and rest in his beauty – you have what it takes girlfriend.

    • mmm, something of significance. praying and believing something will come out of all this mess. and i’m definitely looking for some resting, exhaling, and finding the enjoyment in life somewhere.
      thanks for the encouragement to keep on!

  3. Glad to visit again this Friday – and it sounds like a season of rocky changes, but one in which you will see good and beautiful things come from Him. I admire your trusting spirit – and He does bring life from death. He does bring a burst of colors from the empty canvas. Thank you for sharing with us.

    • mmm, definitely hoping for those good and beautiful things…to come in their time.
      and goodness. trusting spirit. i keep on confessing that and aligning my heart to it, but goodness trust is such a hard thing for me.
      love the word picture of a burst of colors on an empty canvas–definitely what i’d love to see happen!

  4. I so understand the computer loss – the same thing happened to me with my Guatemalan babes last year!

    Can you recover any of the hard drive?

    • love that you get it. and that you sit with me in it. mostly just love you. and yes, it’s looking like it will be fine. some cords to be replaced and a 5-7 day time they need to work on it.

  5. Oh, girl! What an emotional week! I am heartsick for you about your computer….I truly get the emotional connection to the things that are on one’s hard drive. Will you be able to salvage anything? I do HOPE so….

    {Heart}ing you from afar….

    • aw, thank you girl for understanding! and yes…got my africa pics off and most of the word documents and it should all be fine….pending some cords to fix and hopefully that will be all. just an inconvenient waiting period…

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