5 minutes…

when seasons change.

i’m ragged. i’m here typing on a computer that feels so foreign because my computer. the one with the cute yellow tape. with the people of the second chance sticker. with the pictures of my babies in africa all over it. the one that was with me in africa. with a reminder on my background that God is a God of hope. the computer with ALL my writing. my heart thoughts. my ponderings. my journaling. my heart spread out in words.

that computer. died.

and i feel like this week has been so much. i’m at the end of the rope and letting go to just fall into His arms…so very broken.

a week of heart aching for all the orphans and for my beloved africa. a week of seeing what it means to live on $1.50 a day.

a week where i let open a crack knowing that come monday the floodgates open wide. where i pray i’ll actually speak words amidst the tears.

i’m bracing my heart for that.

i know it will be good. eventually.

all this dying.

He even says we have to die to truly find life….

and because after so much…i can only hope for a new season.


do you need a change in seasons? what season are you living in right now?

ht: gypsy mama‘s 5 minute fridays =)

a crack

i feel like i let open a little crack and

now i’m just waiting for the floodgates

to open up and overwhelm me

a crack in the door that leads to

finding words to the parts

of my story

that i don’t share

with anyone

those parts of the story

that scare me

that i don’t want to even


let alone feel

yet they are the parts

that leave the gaping open wounds

still on my battered and bruised body

with these wounds

i don’t want your words

i don’t want you to shove me under the rug

i don’t want you to suffocate me by silencing my words

or parade me as a spectacle

or put me on display like the adulterous woman

i want you to sit with me

cry with me

grieve with me

carry me to Jesus

and care just a little