deep breath…of hope


I breathe her in and start with just a little taste.  She seems familiar, but it’s been so long since I’ve tasted her goodness. I thought I didn’t want her hanging around, but then I slowly started letting her come back to play.  Once I started boldly and consistently confessing trust, there she was.  She showed up with her bright sun rays and dancing laughter.  She wanted me to come dream with her.    

Now, with trust, I’m un-digging my heels and stopping my tantrum to learn even more about trusting fully, but hope? That just seems a bit…risky.

Except the funny thing about hope is that she sneaks up on you.  You start trusting God with those heart desires and next thing you know hope has blossomed.  Deserts into Eden.  A beauty in the waiting with hope and anticipation.  A face set on His best no matter what it looks like.  So, I breathe her in deep even though it’s not what I intended.  A deep breath of resting and enjoying…the Gardener who is making my deserts oh so beautiful. 

Come play along with the 5 minutes of free writing on “Deep Breath.”

What are you breathing deeply lately? What are you hopeful for?

i want my knife back…

A few weeks ago, I heard a sermon from Bethel Church that shared testimonies about God restoring things in the physical sense.  One of the testimonies shared how a college student lost a paper when his computer died and it “showed” up on the brand new computer.  Another was where they coined the phrase “I want my knife back…” literally was where a knife with significance was returned to the owner.  My response to the stories: Awesome! Such faith and belief that God cares about the little things too.  But, I didn’t really think I’d find myself in a “I want my knife back…” situation any time soon….

Before the triathlon, I had on my Lerato long sleeve shirt because well let’s be honest, I like to wear a bit of Africa on my sleeve more often than not especially on days I’m a little thin around the edges.  Except the swim was first, so I took it off and left it in the bleachers with a friend.  Through some circumstances that don’t really matter, the shirt got left there and my post-race mind didn’t think to ask for it or grab it before leaving.

Only later did I realize that wait a second that was my lerato long sleeve shirt that I love and that I can’t replace.  A shirt that is cozy and comfy and from my friend June (who I get to see in June!!!!!!!).  Plus, it has my Sesotho name on it: Lerato.  In case you didn’t know, I’m a bit sentimental when it comes to things especially Africa things (Gifts is definitely one of my higher love languages…after words of affirmation).  I’m still holding onto a pair of jeans that probably should be thrown away but they’re the pair I wore when I told Lindo “see you in His timing.”

Back on track, all that to say that I wanted my shirt back.

A few tears and a few “Ah, shame, okay, God, I’ll keep prying my fingers off Africa and let You be God and do what You want to do and lay it all down again…” Gotta love how He uses even a silly little shirt to show how tight my grip is on things…

Mix that with a lot of trust and some mutters of “I want my knife shirt back…” I let it go and went about my day with a whole lot of peace.

Except the pretty awesome thing about God is that He cares about the little things and He sees us. He put those desires in our heart for a reason and likes to encourage us along the journey.  My heart beats Africa and He sees that.  I like to think that David probably had a few “I see you…” moments from God while he was out in the fields waiting to take steps toward his destiny.

A few faith steps later and the shirt was back in my hands.

Plus, a little bit of extra hope and trust came with it.

pretty cute, isn’t it? and wow my hair was long then…