in less than two days, i’ll be swimming, biking, and running.
in order. consecutively. 600 yards, 13 miles, 2.8 miles.
i’ll be honest. i added this in partly because i’ve never done an official triathlon and hey it was on my “before going back to africa” list (i did an unofficial one so i figure an official one should be extra brownie points) and well i just like running and biking and trying new things and training. though, i also wanted to add it in for “fun.” lately, whenever people ask me, “are you ready?” or “how’s the training been?” i half laugh and remark about how well i just added it in for “fun” and my main focus is marathon training. i mean i ran 18 miles last saturday. i should be able to finish this. plus, i cross train and i have been training some too. cue hiding from potential disappointment, but yes….moving on…
today, i did my first “brick” workout by biking and then running. (insert: i know, i know….probably should have been doing a LOT more of these) i have done days where i do two a day workouts…just hadn’t done one back to back really since last summer.
as i jumped on my bike and now reflecting back, i started listing those “fears” that come up with a race.
- what if my goggles break
- what if i can’t get my bike shoes on
- what if i get a flat tire
- what if i forget how to run
- what if i can’t find my bike
- what if i get disqualified
- what if i run into a rabid dog or rabbit (okay i just made that one up now…but it could happen)
- what if i wear the wrong thing
and you know what i realized. for me. i saw pride rearing it’s ugly head.
Why am I afraid? I’m afraid that I’ll look “dumb” or that I won’t “fit in” or that my time won’t be “good enough” or that I will be slower than “so and so” or that I’ll have to face disappointment.
Not only that, but….I’ve made my God so small that I forgot about all the awesome lessons that I could learn through those trials. I’ve made my God into a God who only wants to shower me with prosperity and spare me the fire that refines me into gold. Instead, I want to remember that I could learn how to persevere in the midst of all these roadblocks and things that could take me out of the race. I don’t want to forget that God is in the details. He’s not just concerned about having me cross the finish line, but He’s concerned about what happens on the journey (oh and don’t forget to cue philippians 4). I forget that sometimes just maybe He lets rain fall down to teach us how to keep running in the storm.
Besides….how can I ENJOY God and ENJOY this race if I’m too busy focused on MYSELF and making me look good or perform well…and how can I love God and love others when I’m so busy puffing myself up and loving me according to the world’s standards…
just a few thoughts i’m pondering and mulling over. raw, unedited, not all that pretty and eloquent. just thoughts for now.