5 minutes…waking up to hope

The prompt: Waking Up…

 

Go: 12:02

I feel like I’m waking up to parts of me and to this struggle to accept them…to accept me….to be okay with the push-back I get from people and the tension between enough and not enough.  I’ve had a few words spoken over me that I’m not quite sure I’m ready to wake-up to yet.  But I know God’s working on me and slowly letting me see how they are already there…already true…already part of who He has fashioned me to be…how He fashioned my heart.

Oh my heart…such a lovely thing it is.  Full of dreams and passions…even hopes.  Hopes that scare me and make me want to push them out.  I find that oftentimes I don’t even want hope…  I don’t want to deal with even the potential for disappointment that I’d rather forego the hope, but then I find my heart going there.  Dreaming of Africa. Smiling as I fight the wind and rain just remembering what it’s like to be in Africa. Rolling the words Ke a o rata off my tongue across the phone on Skype.  Longing to hold my African baby.  To have and hold my own babies.  Then before long I find my heart and head thinking of him…that mythical man that everyone else around me seems to be convinced that he’s coming and he exists.  I’m skeptical.  A man that I don’t walk over–that I’m not too much or not enough for…let alone a man who loves God and Africa? Yeah, I’m still skeptical even though God keeps that little bit of hope lodged in my heart.  My heart is waking up to these dreams and saying oh I just don’t know yet.  I don’t know if I can go through heartache and brokenness one more time.  Yet here I am clinging just a little bit…

Stop

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17 thoughts on “5 minutes…waking up to hope

  1. Waking up to our dreams can be such a wonderful beautiful thing! Loved reading this. It reminded me of a book that I treasured long ago, The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. It is a good read and perhaps one that you would enjoy in this season.

  2. waking up to realizations and not knowing if you want to accept them? ummmm welcome to my brain wave, girl. 🙂 praying for your quick return to the land that stole both our hearts.

  3. Pingback: my boys « B'ahava

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