5 minutes on 5 years ago

I write in this little space here and on the blank pages of word documents most often, but I love writing in journals too.  There’s something wondrous about picking up a pen or pencil to put words on real paper.  My closet has a neat little stack full of my old journals.  Green ones, striped ones, ones that have gone to Africa, ones from Guatemala, and they each tell part of my story.

So, when I heard Lisa-Jo was writing about 5 years ago, I wondered if I could look up what I wrote around this time 5 years ago.  I found it.  I had an idea of where my heart was then, but to see my words on a page. Oh my…and see I’d already been thinking about 5 years ago after reading this post and this one about how our plans don’t turn out like we think….

Five years ago, I was head over heels in love.  Planning a wedding in my head even with a date in mind.  Ring browsing with a giddy smile on my face and a boy’s hand in mine.

The space between those moments and today swell with so many stories yet to be told.  Tucked away in my heart waiting to give Him glory.  To share how He brought a little girl with a broken heart through much and even gave her a new name along the way. Nothing like I planned.

Yet, five years later, I find He’s still bringing me along in this journey toward His heart. All the while, patiently hearing my own heart as I wrestle toward healing within the tension of…

asking: “does anybody know how to hold my heart?”

wanting: “i want to darken in the skies. open the floodgates up. i want to change my mind. i want to be enough. i want to let the rain come down. make a brand new ground.”

hoping: “this is the day i make you mine. you are the one. i’ve been waiting for today and here comes the sun. i thank God you came along.”

And trusting that five years from today, I’ll have even more stories tucked away in my heart to share that speak of His glory.