finding trust in justice

“How long must I pray, must I pray to You? How long must I wait, must I wait for You? How long til I see Your face, see you shining through…I’m on my knees begging you to notice me. I’m on my knees. Father, will you turn to me.” -Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North

“I think I made You too small…where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean…what do I know of holy?” -What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road

 

My heart is heavy.  The tears fill my eyes.  I am weary. I see the threadbare tapestry of my heart coming undone in a messy way.

I used to and still do often find myself unbalanced in an all love and mercy without understanding the role of justice.  I remember clearly a moment in this last year where I struggled as others voiced their passionate heart’s cry for the unfairness and injustice of this fallen world.  I pondered and didn’t understand.  I had a fleeting thought that I should ask God to show me and teach me about justice.  I even went home and read some verses.  I shelved the thoughts for another day…

Then this last fall, I saw a glimpse of my fierce love combined with justice.  I questioned and declared, “How dare they….”  I saw right and wrong.  I saw injustice and the hurt stemming from it.  I saw how God hated the sin and how His daughters’ and sons’ hearts were broken.

Yet, in that situation, I focused more on others than acknowledging my own hurt or processing through it.  I deflected and pressed forward.  Only now am I realizing that my hurt was real.  That wait a second, that was wrong, that trampled my heart.

More so even now, I look around and see injustice surrounding me in my story and the stories others carry.  The air has been taken out of my lungs and I just want to catch my breath.  I hurt for friends… I look around and my mouth opens to scream but my throat is clenched with tears.

Yet, I think of Job…

And I lift my mascara stained eye lashes to the ceiling and I hear Him gently reminding me…

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

Tell me, if you know so much.

Who determined its dimensions

and stretched out the surveying line?

What supports its foundations,

and who laid its cornerstone

as the morning stars sang together

and all the angels shouted for joy?

 

And that’s where I find trust.  Trust found as I lay my hand on my mouth declaring that I like Job am so very small in comparison to God.  Trust reminds me that His heart sees the injustice.  His fury over the pain, sin, injustice, and mess of this world.  Trust reminds me that even when all seems lost He’s working it all out for good.  Trust in the messy, hard, questions of life that leave me unraveled.  Trust in the hard.

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9 thoughts on “finding trust in justice

  1. Powerful post, Katy. Your passion is inspiring. Share it openly. When your heart breaks for the things that break God’s heart, people will take notice of the change and be moved to work towards justice alongside you. Amazing stuff.

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  3. …and that’s when it is hardest to trust, when we can’t see the big picture; can’t see how it ends. We lay down our worries at the Cross and trust He works justly. Even if we don’t understand.

    Love your heart!

    • so thankful we got to chat tonight and thanks for giving me a visual about the tree and the forest to go right along with this post and the “big picture” and not knowing how it ends.
      trust trust trust. love it 🙂

  4. such a very big thing to trust in – that God sees the injustice too. to trust in the hard moments. I was just reading the beginning chapters of Job this morning and was struck by his trust again – that he’d curse the day he was born, but not God, that he still trusted that God himself was holy. That gets me every time and challenges me to look at whether or not I can say the same.

    • so so challenging. job heart booty kicks me to the curb! and to think that as far as we know job NEVER knew about what was going on behind the scenes….and still trusted….

      • Yes! that’s huge, that he had no idea, and still trusted. I’m challenged every time I read it! Especially where everything has gone wrong and he says “I KNOW my redeemer lives, and in the end I’ll see him, with my own eyes.” Now that’s trust!

        • such amazing, awe-inspiring trust. and that he chooses to see it with his own eyes rather than taking the word of others…none of that secondhand faith there.

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