weaving trust into my heart

Hello 2011.

You’ve been here for a day and I’ve held my word on my tongue for weeks.  I hold it there on the tip of my tongue because I don’t really know what to do with it.  I’m still learning what it even means.  Far too often I say it with fear, dread, sarcasm, question, wonder, and hesitation.

Now, let’s be frank. Trust terrifies me. Trust weighs on my heart because of the stories I carry.

I’m someone with so many misplaced walls and a lack of walls it’s a wonder I don’t get lost in the maze of my own heart.  I make choices letting others navigate the yard to know me.  Deflecting questions here, sharing half-truths there, full-blown emotional baggage over there.  A mismatched tapestry that intertwines in a way that trusts too much, trusts too little, and doesn’t trust at all.

Trust means risking my heart while reminding myself that I am responsible for guarding it.  Trust shows me that I am in need of grace and can choose to show grace when trust is broken.  Trust says I am vulnerable to being hurt.  Trust is a gift.  Trust opens up doors to new levels of intimacy, relationship, and being known.  Trust means seeing God as who He is regardless of what my circumstances or experiences say.

Trust forces me to let go of my plans and my ways in exchange for His plans and His ways.  Trust means saying to God and others…

“And if I perish, I perish” –Esther 4:16

and

“The God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” –Daniel 3:18

and

“If destruction’s what I need then I’ll receive it Lord from thee.” –Hurricane by Jimmy Needham

So, 2011.  I’ve woven joy into the fabric of my tear-stained heart. Now it’s time for trust.

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21 thoughts on “weaving trust into my heart

  1. we’ve talked often about our mutual challenges with trust, so you know your word resonates with me. deeply. i’m still trying to learn the balance (or maybe it’s the fine line) between guarding my heart and trusting others… i love that you’ve chosen this word as your focus for the year. seems so timely for your heart and the season you find yourself in. unbelievably hard and ultimately, i hope, unbelievably good.

    • i vote fine line. though i like to put a canyon there sometimes or i just go without…neither is good as you well know.
      thank you for hoping for me when i find hope so fleeting right now when it comes to this. love you.

  2. Pingback: One Word « Jen Tuck

  3. This is beautiful, and I so relate. I struggle deeply with trust too. I’m seeing that change, oh so very slowly, and think it’s going to be part of my own one word (heal) journey this year.

    Praying for an incredible year, and excited to see where “trust” takes you.

    • i love your word!! I know that word is definitely intertwined with trust for me and I’m praying God will show up in big ways for both of us in trusting Him to heal!

  4. “A mismatched tapestry that intertwines in a way that trusts too much, trusts too little, and doesn’t trust at all.”

    favorite part… along with those scriptures at the end…

    sweet Kate friend, this year beckons and I hear it calling for you and Trusting Him and His name and goodness and He is love. He is love. Trusting that Love and His character will be a year of crazy and beautiful and I’m honored to follow along and grew with you.

    • that line hit my heart too. just sayin’
      so love and appreciate that you’re walking this road with me and spurring me on and encouraging me. love you much.

  5. Whoa. Trust is a tough one. But so worth the risk, friend. He IS good. Believing your heart will be held firmly in HIS hands each time you choose to trust.

    Excited to see where God is leading you this year. Love you!

  6. Trust is my word for this year as well. A word that squelches fears and doubt, a word that requires courage, yet is the wisest thing to do. I love Esther and was reminded again with your notation of her quote, “And if I perish, I perish.” This is complete trust.

    God bless 🙂

    • mmm, requires courage! now that’s some encouragement my own heart needed! glad you’re journeying with me! praying for a year full of trust for us!

  7. Trust is hard for me too. It’s easier to just do what requires the least amount of trust. But, inside my heart craves joy – and it’s the kind that only comes by risking it to trust. I need “confidence” to learn it this year… 🙂

    Loved your Esther verse. Delectable, Katy!

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