Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8
I’ve learned to get real with God. To chat it out with Him. I used to run away and try to hide all these “un-Christian-like” thoughts, feelings, etc. I’d bought into the lie that “that’s just how I feel and I can’t change that” or the “I sure don’t want to even admit that to myself let alone God so if I deny it then it’s not real.” All of that led to a whole lotta stuff in my heart that God wanted to heal.
He’s still in the business of healing my heart. Except now, I’ve learned to go to Him sooner than later.
So, tonight, I found myself running (did I tell you I’m pre-training for a marathon I’m going to do when I get back to Africa, yep, I am!). I knew this run would end in a long walk with some real heart to heart chatting. To be frank, I was a bit mad. I was hurt. Mad at myself, others, and God. Hurt by words, actions, and silence. Perfect stormy waters.
I expected to go and rant it all out to God and really just lay it on thick. But, He ever so gently reminded me of Philippians 4:8 (see, memorizing scripture and knowing it is important!). I wanted to be like…”But, God, I don’t want to think about those things….” And He said, “But, daughter, speak life. Don’t speak death. They’re just as much my children as you are.”
And so in the middle of the road, I spoke. I spoke out truth for the birds and the water and the dirt road and my heart and god and the cars zipping by to hear.
I spoke their names. I spoke my name. I remembered who God was and who we are in God. And described us:
“Strong. Patient. Heart of a Lion. Kind. Loving. Worthy. Lovable. Beautiful. Waiting well. Protector. King. Beloved. Endures. Daughter. Son. Gentle. Following after God. Heart of Gold. Not boastful. Rejoices at truth. Satisfied by God. Content. Listening to God. Obeying God. Selfless. Trustworthy. Thinks the best of everyone. Not out to hurt. Wants the best for us. Hopeful. For us. Prayer warrior. Compassionate. Transformed. Changed. Abiding in God. Takes no account of the evil done and pays no attention to a suffered wrong. Believes. Trusts God.”
and that, my friends, is how god teaches me to forgive and heal and trust Him regardless of how things look. and He reminds me that my heart is beautiful because it is a new heart that He has given me.