friday whoa

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8

I’ve learned to get real with God. To chat it out with Him. I used to run away and try to hide all these “un-Christian-like” thoughts, feelings, etc.  I’d bought into the lie that “that’s just how I feel and I can’t change that” or the “I sure don’t want to even admit that to myself let alone God so if I deny it then it’s not real.”  All of that led to a whole lotta stuff in my heart that God wanted to heal.

He’s still in the business of healing my heart. Except now, I’ve learned to go to Him sooner than later.

So, tonight, I found myself running (did I tell you I’m pre-training for a marathon I’m going to do when I get back to Africa, yep, I am!).  I knew this run would end in a long walk with some real heart to heart chatting.  To be frank, I was a bit mad. I was hurt. Mad at myself, others, and God. Hurt by words, actions, and silence. Perfect stormy waters.

I expected to go and rant it all out to God and really just lay it on thick. But, He ever so gently reminded me of Philippians 4:8 (see, memorizing scripture and knowing it is important!). I wanted to be like…”But, God, I don’t want to think about those things….” And He said, “But, daughter, speak life. Don’t speak death. They’re just as much my children as you are.”

And so in the middle of the road, I spoke. I spoke out truth for the birds and the water and the dirt road and my heart and god and the cars zipping by to hear.

I spoke their names. I spoke my name. I remembered who God was and who we are in God. And described us:

“Strong. Patient. Heart of a Lion. Kind. Loving. Worthy. Lovable. Beautiful. Waiting well. Protector. King. Beloved. Endures. Daughter. Son. Gentle. Following after God. Heart of Gold. Not boastful. Rejoices at truth. Satisfied by God. Content. Listening to God. Obeying God. Selfless. Trustworthy. Thinks the best of everyone. Not out to hurt. Wants the best for us. Hopeful. For us. Prayer warrior. Compassionate. Transformed. Changed. Abiding in God. Takes no account of the evil done and pays no attention to a suffered wrong. Believes. Trusts God.”

and that, my friends, is how god teaches me to forgive and heal and trust Him regardless of how things look. and He reminds me that my heart is beautiful because it is a new heart that He has given me.

friday five

1. “god is watching over you…she’ll be just fine cause i know He hears her when she cries.” –when she cries by britt nicole and go listen to defender by chris mcclarney and i surrender by kim walker (“i surrender because i trust you, god. all my hope is in you. your love makes it worth it all.”)

2. i’m throwing a big rock into the water and watching it sink. deeper. and deeper. until it’s covered by the mud and seaweed on the bottom. i don’t like seaweed. but i know i’ll have to keep on throwing this rock out there. again. and again. and again. but you know what? i think that’s partly why it’s called a living sacrifice…you have to know what you’re sacrificing in part and it’s not really a sacrifice unless it is something you care about.

3. in order to be like esther. you have to actually go through the waiting process.

4. and i still believe You’re the same yesterday, today and forever. you work ALL things out for good.

5. love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. it is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. it does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness but rejoices when right and truth prevail. love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. and so faith, hope, love abide [faith–conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope–joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love–true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us.]

okay, those turned a bit lengthy…but gimme your friday five. whatever’s on your heart 🙂