See Her Again

Debrief: a series of questions about a completed mission or undertaking.

Debriefing: November 28th to December 4th. Location: Cape Town, SA. (aka signing off and disengaging from the internet world to embrace God, friends, the beach, and other fun stuff…I’ll write again next Saturday!)

Completed: January 19th to December 6th 24/7 Internship. Location: Mount Everest, Harrismith, SA

Mission: The Twenty4Seven internship will provide tangible experiences to help me discern where God wants to lead me next.  I am expectant and excited about the opportunity to learn more about God and myself.

Thoughts: We’re spending the next week looking back on the year, relaxing, spending time together, and preparing to go home.  I’m looking forward to just spending time with my intern buddies and soaking up that time before parting ways.  I’m looking to God to fill up the space to where His love overwhelms and my cup overflows so that even when the tears fall I’m being held by Him.  And tears will fall…Africa’s stolen my heart and I can’t wait to see her again in His timing.

 

Thankful

Psalm 30:5 “Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of JOY comes in the morning.”

He is all my hope and stay. but this war brings me to my knees.  But where my shepherd leads, where else can I go. Who else fills my cup ’til it overflows.  To the solid rock I fly, though he bids me come and die there’s only ONE.” -There’s Only One (Holy One)

“God’s glory is of the utmost importance to Him and He is willing to withhold things I want if He sees a greater glory for Him and a better good for me coming in a different way.

Why isn’t God answering me…now that’s the wrong question to be asking!  Ask instead how is God answering me.  Seek out and ask God to show you the tons of ways that God is showing up.”

I am thankful for the ways God shows up and how God is BIG

    1. Exposing the darkness with truth in love
    2. Freeing me from my chains and giving me a song to visualize it
    3. Showing me abundant life in Christ
    4. Bringing Lindo back into my life and holding him while I’m gone while giving me peace saying see you in His timing to him
    5. Creating relationships to be vibrant and life-giving–to do life together to the point where i can walk down my stairs crying and just sit for a little while
    6. Bringing me to my knees
    7. Stripping me bare and leaving me raw even when I think there’s nothing left to give Him
    8. Holding me when I’m laying on the floor crying
    9. Telling me: “My delight is in YOU”
    10. Speaking through songs: Madly, How He Loves, Hands of the Healer, Desert Song, Rescue, God of this City, Sweet Forgiveness, Take, There’s Only One and so many more
    11. Having a home to go home to
    12. Breaking my heart for what breaks His
    13. Showering me with love, vision, and passion
    14. Letting me see the bare feet and love them.
    15. Fighting the battle for me
    16. The old is GONE.
    17. I am His beloved.
    18. More than all of these amazing ways that He has showed up in so many BIG ways…I am thankful most of all that I am His and I am enough because He is enough.  I am thankful for all that He has done for me.  I am thankful that my eyes have been opened to the fact that down in the depths of my heart I have one desperately passionate desire…to follow Him forever because nothing else really matters except to love Him and do what He asks.

ht: SheSeeks

Laying on the floor…

Love this! Here are some of my favorites with my comments in italics:

I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

Lord, here I am, send me. Keep breaking my heart for what breaks yours. Let Your love overflow.

No moment from my God is a rock of burden…it’s just a rock waiting to be broken apart into stepping stones.

Even this moment…this moment when I’m laying on the floor crying. You are using it to make a stepping stone toward something beautiful.  You are the potter. I am the clay.

choose joy

here am I. I choose You tonight and Your joy.

if what you do does not resonate with you… it is not really going to matter to anyone else.

talking about passion gets me energized and makes me come alive. talking about kids and life changes and God completely invading your heart…yeah, that’s the good stuff.

some pursue happiness..others create it

I may not control the circumstances, but I choose joy and I choose to let God give abundant life in Him.

fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds.

let everything I say and do be a reflection of You.

Leaving him in His hands

I absolutely loved Monday.  I soaked up every moment.  We painted each others’ faces.  We ran around and played with foam swords.  Tossed a soccer ball around and even kicked it around.  We tried to play a DVD of the tons of pictures I had of him.  Opened gifts.  He played with my hair.  He asked/demanded: on your shoulders.  I simply let life happen without focusing on the “see you in His timing.”  I said I love you and Ke a o rata and I’ll miss you enough without letting it get in the way.  I tried to tell him that I wouldn’t be coming back next week, but he still said good-bye with a see you next week.  I drove away so filled with my cup overflowing.  I left him in His hands because He holds Him much better than I ever could.  I am so incredibly thankful that God brought Lindo back into my life this time and am so excited to see him again in His timing.  God showered me with His peace and held me close as I drove away missing him already, but holding him in my heart as always.

 

Pocket Full of Thoughts

  • Ha, I so need one of these….
  • So excited about this new start because I am totally living out a “second chance” myself: a movement of people that would let radical integrity and radical grace consume them in their life and leadership.
  • Took a nap on the couch tonight…so comfy and safe
  • No cocoa for brownies….but popcorn when I woke up hit the spot
  • New to me, free clothes make my heart so happy. seriously. 2 pairs of running tights and 2 under armor long sleeve shirts (plus, one with the thumb hole things!!! I am so set for running in the minnesota cold….) not to mention a cute tank top, other clothes and a fun bag.
  • This looks totally awesome. I miss my bike and I heart Africa.
  • Feeling the days slipping by so fast…
  • We leave for debriefing and Cape Town on Saturday–what!?
  • Why am I still up? Oh right, I took a forever long nap tonight.
  • What are you up to?

 

Pray!

“I have you in my heart.” Philippians 1:7

Forgive the lack of blogging…I kept going to blog, but then getting distracted or falling asleep.  Oops!  Here’s a quick recap of the week: last staff meeting of the year, talking with some lovely ladies, binding and more binding (woot! leadership summit books to impact lots of kiddos!), saying good-bye at adopt-a-family, last town time aka shopping for gifts for that kid up there, last church complete with “Madly,” birthday parties for Joyce (Basotho staff–we went to her house!) and Jen (ninja themed), making a dvd for that kid up there, saying good-bye to the hope house kids….that was rough, and going to church with that kid up there!

Starting off this week, I need some prayer!  Today, I say “see you in His timing” to Lindo…..I miss him already, but am trusting God big time knowing that He has Lindo in his heart too.  So if you get a chance to pray for him, his family, and me today, thank-you.  Anything I can be praying for you about?

I Cried…

So You Think You Can Dance” gripped my heart tonight.  My eyes fixated on the screen.  I crumpled inside.  I ached with each debilitating, overwhelming act that pushed her to the ground. I re-lived the echo: you’re everything I think I need, you touched me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.  The chains came crushing down. Biting into my skin.  Reverberating lies instead of truth.  Yet, here I stand.  On the other side.  Set free. Not going back. I won’t back down. Throwing myself on my beloved.  Wrapping myself in Him.  Living here on my knees for Him.  He touches me for a little while, then I am strong.  He frees me from my chains.  And here I am, and I stand, so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.  Standing with Him, falling into His gravity.

ht: watch this: Addicted

Bam!

If you know me even a little, then you probably know that I tend to think….think a lot.  Sometimes to the point where it gets in the way and puts up walls (not a good thing) and stops things from going from my head to my heart.  The last few days I got all caught up in the thinking.  The heady, here’s what experience tells me.  I “know” the truth, but I couldn’t shake the all over the board emotions ranging from confused to frustrated to happy to disappointed to sad to lonely to okay to everything else.  I bounced around and couldn’t find my footing on the solid rock.

Until today. I sat in class and I tried to pay attention and engage in conversation, but every once in a while my thoughts would overwhelm me still.  Until I heard these words, “Follow Me.”  Funny thing is that we were talking about ministering to youth and I really don’t remember how that fit in and neither does my roomie (I asked her later).  So then, God immediately brought to mind the verse below:

“…what is that to you?  You follow Me!”

My reaction: Whoa. Lord, you are so here.  You are so getting my attention.  Because really.  What is it to me that ___ is doing this or that God is working in that way in their lives.  Even, who is that to me and what is that to you that I’m working in a way you didn’t expect.  When all I need to focus on is following Him then everything else fades away.  Africa fades away. Lindo fades away. Thrive fades away. Hope House kids fade away. Marriage fades away.

Yes, good things and yes, serving is good, but He just wants me to “be.”  He loves me when I’m just sitting on the floor with Him leaning against my bed.  He wants me to follow Him and be with Him.  He wants to step out only on His firm foundation.

“It had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had but one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised but for himself.  All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever. “Nothing else really matters only to love him and to do what he tells me.” -Hinds Feet in High Places

Monday Musings

  • excited to listen to this podcast when it comes out and love some of the thoughts Perry posted already:
    • Love for her intimacy with God…and not just the information she knows about Him!
    • When you focus on what you do not have (a relationship) more than you focus on Jesus and His Word…the result is usually compromise.
    • AND…YOU DO NOT HAVE TO COMPROMISE…EVER!!!  If I could sit down face to face with every single girl I would say the same thing…WAIT for God’s best…it’s worth it.
  • had my first “see you in His timing”
    • my heart is already aching at the thought of saying more of those soon…
  • hung out with Lindo today….man, that kid is too much fun and I love his family
    • definitely made me smile today
    • working on making a video of the tons of pictures I have of him 🙂
    • can’t wait for next week so i can give him a soccer ball and whatever else random I find in town for him…so what does a 5 year old like?
    • S6301455

  • “no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD.” ht: note
    • The weapon of jealousy will NOT prosper against you because we will CELEBRATE what God is doing
    • The weapon of feeling insignificant will NOT prosper against you because HE MADE YOU SIGNIFICANT when He saved you and called you…your significance comes from your salvation…not from “success” in ministry.
  • can’t wait to see this girl.
  • asking God to hold me tight tonight and help me fight
    • feeling a bit broken tonight.
    • getting away with Him.
  • listening to this guy thanks to his free music. 
    • speaking of music. integrity music and their free song on friday makes me happy

Finished!

houseWoot! After weeks of hard work, we finished the house!  From building the walls to ditema, we pressed on toward the goal.  I can’t believe that I participated in nearly every part of building a house from bottom to top.  I touched cow dung.  I mixed dirt and water to make bricks.  I painted the designs on the sides of the house.  But, more than that, as an intern group, we came together.  We worked as a team to help each other out and encouraged each other to keep going despite the tasty smells and exhaustion that comes with hard work.  I am so thankful for how Tara and Andrew faithfully played with cow dung and smeared it on the walls.  For how Allen spent weeks prepping and putting the roof on the house.  For Chelsea’s singing and smiling face.  For Jen’s patient endurance.  For Amiel’s willingness to make mud and more mud and more mud.  For how Kelly and other staff members faithfully drove us to work on the house.  For Sam going to get water.  For the kids who gave us much needed play breaks.  Now, we have one more week to plant a garden, say our good-byes, and give the kids lots of hugs knowing that this house will stand as a testimony of God’s love for years to come.