Lyrics on Repeat

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us, so
Oh How he loves us, how he loves us so

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
So, heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us

~

We have all we need in You
And all we need is You
All we need is You

You can have all my hands can hold
My heart, mind, strength and soul
Be my all, all consuming fire

~

And I’m madly in love with You

Endings Mean Beginnings

Check it out–my newsletter for the month!  I pray this newsletter will open your eyes to see what I see and to see how God is at work in South Africa thanks to your support and prayers.

October Newsletter

b’ahava (with love): הבהאב
To let everyone know of the abundant life in Christ by living to glorify God through
following Him, speaking words of life, and coming alive in order to do everything
with love that overwhelms, empowers, and transforms.

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.-John 10:10

Behold, I make all things new. -Revelation 21:5

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

I Am No Longer That Woman

The book Hinds’ Feet in High Places captured my attention from the beginning with the storyline, characters, and words.  In the story, Much-Afraid, the main character, is on a journey to the high places so that she can enter the Kingdom of Love and be with the Shepherd.

Along the journey, the Shepherd takes her on a path that leads away from the high places.  She questions Him about this with tear-filled eyes and in response He tells her, “No, it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible,” and the author writes, “He was leading her away from her heart’s desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back.”

I love her response to Him: “I will go with you for you know I do love you and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please.“

She also later after she has gone through trials and held onto the Shepherd’s promises, she says, “I was that woman, but am not that woman now.”  She said because of an “inner and secret mark [that] no one would have noticed any difference outwardly but all the same a deep inner change had taken place, which indicated a new stage in her life.”

As for me, I recently wrote about how God overwhelms me with love.  He holds me close and is leading me on a journey.  A journey that brought me to a crossroad where I chose and continue to choose to dig deep and press into Him.  Now as I read these quotes, I see that I have come to a new stage that I am no longer that woman.  That I am continuing and must continue to choose life, choose freedom, and ultimately choose Him.  Every day learning how to lay it at His feet and let Him choose anything that He wants for me. Letting the “bold” things in this blog be my prayer and my promise. All to bring glory to Him.

Re-created My World

“I love you more than my clothes (dress, socks, shoes).  I love you as a teacher and as a friend.” -Sylvia

“To someone who thinks not only for herself but thinks for everyone.  And that person is you.  You have re-created my world and made me a believer.  My life is a more Holy and loving place than before.  You have been my pillow of strength throughout this course.  I appreciate you and I don’t know how life would’ve been possible without you.  You have taught me a lot and I hope you’re gonna keep on changing many other lives as you changed my life.” -Malefu

Loved the cards that I got from my LaunchPad students today.  They caused my heart to overflow with love and served as a reminder of how I want to live:

To let everyone know of the abundant life in Christ by living to glorify God through following Him, speaking words of life, and coming alive in order to do everything with love that overwhelms, empowers, and transforms.

I missed you too…

I am bursting at the seams with love and am completely overwhelmed with the love God has for me.  This weekend was a tough one.  One of battle after battle.  Not listening or entertaining the lies and distractions that desperately want me to believe that I’m not enough, that they won’t want me to come back, that I need to lose weight, that he’s gone, and that their actions say they don’t care, etc. Rather, holding fast to His words of truth and promises by reading His Word and prayer while laying things at the cross.

Yet, God turned the tide and came like a rushing stream last night and this morning.  My fellow interns prayed for me as I let the tears fall down my face.  I sat vulnerable, broken, and honest about the hard weekend.  Afterward, strengthened by prayer, God provided a source of life, of passion.  The timing worked out that I stayed up late editing a curriculum for the Leadership Summit classes.  I devoured every word and came alive.  I could barely sleep. When I woke up to see the sunrise, I found myself drawn to Isaiah where verse after verse captured my heart.

Isaiah 58:8-9 “Then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring forth and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry and He will say, ‘Here I am.'”

Isaiah 61: 10 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness.

Isaiah 62: 4 But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”

As I write, tears flood my eyes and stream down my face because I am so broken by His love. So broken to feel the love of God.  That even through everything, He keeps saying, “And I’m madly in love with you” and to show you that I’m going to give you an amazing gift today:

My heart broke in July when I had to say good-bye.  I cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers for him.  Each Friday still made my heart happy, but not like when he was there to give me a hug. Today, I got that hug I’ve been wanting for months. He played with my hair, I met his new family, I held him in my arms, I said I love you over and over, we sang Hakuna Matata, and he jumped up on my shoulders.  All the things that I loved and missed.  Yet, he stole my heart all over again and brought tears to my eyes when I heard the sweet words:

“I missed you too”

Weighty

I stood at the doorway waiting to bring in the Jell-o for the game to see who could eat it the fastest through a straw.  My eyes watched the room from afar.  Looking at the wide range of emotions on the kids’ faces and seeing their reactions to counting stickers.  When I looked closer, I saw and felt hope.  These kids live at Hope House.  A House that can be filled with Hope.  An expectation of things to come, the potential for changed lives filled the room.

Suddenly, my attention turned to a cry from outside the room with commotion.  I turned to see what happened.  Katleho (above) sat on the floor crying.  I asked what had happened to find out that he had fallen forward with his head hitting the floor first.  A bump already popped out and a previous scar from another fall stood out.  My heart reached out with my hands as I tried to hold his hand.  The caretaker tried to drag him to his feet by grabbing his hand, but I went behind asking if I could carry him into the kitchen.  I picked him up, not noticing the wetness, and sat with him on the floor.  I asked the caretakers about Katleho’s seizures and if he was taking his medicine along with if he was up for adoption.

Desperately, I wanted to take him home with me along with all the other kids.  I wanted to hold them in my arms and give them the one-on-one attention they crave.  Yet, more than that, I wanted to show them that I believe in them.  I believe they can.  I don’t want to say, “I can do this for you.” I want to empower them and overwhelm them with love. To feel the weight of the glory of God and the weight of His love for them.

1 Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything”

Counting the Day

Countdowns…I got rid of mine.  Why? Because I want to live in the present.  I don’t want to get distracted by the “what if” or “I wish” or “I can’t wait until..” game like I have before.  In the past, I’ve written posts about things I’m looking forward to and how far away they are.  Some of those countdowns aren’t as exciting anymore or don’t have the same significance.  Some take/took away my focus and let me play those games of selfishly wanting things as they are not.

I refuse to complain or get caught up in the wilderness because of my selfish desires.  Instead of counting down, I’m asking God to help me count the day, the season, the moment.  To take that step into the Promised Land.  To let go of my picture of what I want life to be and trust that He wants to give me a life that is immeasurably more than the anything I could dream up for myself.

To take up my cross daily and to die to myself for Him.  To live in such a way that the Holy Spirit guides my path and every word.  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead by focusing on what I can do today to press into Him and dig deep to have more of Him and less of me. The rest doesn’t matter.

I need to obey today because if I love him, I will obey His commands no matter what.

Hat!

My fellow intern, Tara, made this sweet hat for me!!  I love the flower on the side 🙂

White Chocolate Deliciousness

I spent the night baking!  Finally!  I haven’t been in the mood to bake for so long and I definitely missed it.  I am so glad and my heart is happy that this part of me can be expressed with joy instead of sadness/heartache at remembering times of baking with others.  I love baking, baking with people and giving food to others. I made some brownies for those who watched Titanic and then I made banana bread with white chocolate and brown sugar from the States (woot! the brown sugar here is different…and you can’t get white chocolate in “chip” form here).  I included the recipe for the banana bread below since I think it’s the best and super delicious especially with white chocolate chips.  Enjoy!  Any recipes that you recommend?

—

Banana Bread

5 T butter

½ cup sugar

½ cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1 large egg, 2 egg whites or egg replacer works fabulously!

1 t. whites

1 t. vanilla

1 ½ cup mashed bananas

1 ¾ cup flour

1 t. soda

½ t. salt

¼ t. baking powder

½ cup heavy cream or soy milk

NOTE: These are REALLY good with white chocolate and many people like them with chocolate too, but I like white chocolate.  Estimate how much you want in there.

1. Preheat oven to 350.  Spray the bottom of the loaf pans (2 reg. or 4 small).
2. Beat butter in a large bowl on medium speed until light and fluffy.  Add sugar and brown sugar.  Beat well.  Add egg, egg whites, and vanilla.  Beat until well blended.  Add mashed bananas.  Beat on high 30 sec.
3. Combine flour, baking soda, salt and baking powder.  Add this flour mixture to butter mixture alternately w/cream.  End with flour mixture.
4. Pour the batter evenly into the loaf pan.  Bake until brown, toothpick inserted in center will come out clean.  Baking times: Larger Loaf pan—1 hour 15 minutes.  Smaller Loaf pan—45 minutes.  (I don’t know if I buy these times…each oven is different and I usually find it needs more time.  Just stick a knife in it and when it comes out clean then it’s ready!!).
5. Cool on wire rack in pan.  Remove from pan after 10 minutes.  Cool completely on wire rack.  (Nah, go ahead and eat some after the first 10 minutes…YUM!)

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken

He calls us to be salty.

To let the world see the difference.

He calls us to repentance.

To stand on the promise that we are chosen by God, holy and dearly loved.

He calls us to love and walk as a new creation in Christ.

To experience the Hands of the Healer.

He says “Follow Me.” Immediately.

To show us that he doesn’t run away from our needs, even needs wrongly met, because they reveal something about us that He wants to transform, to redeem, to deepen our roots through relationship with Him.

He looks at the Samaritan woman with love and maybe we should say: “Look at what potential she has for God.  See how hard she’s trying to find the right thing in all the wrong places.”

To ask us if we looking at messy, real lives and saying “that’s wrong” or if we are penetrating the walls and masks to seek why they are in such trouble in order to love them where they are?

He reminds us that our message is not that we have it all together.  Our message is that we know the one who does!

To let us rest in shalom שָׁלוֹם: nothing missing. nothing broken. life as it was meant to be.