My head automatically tries to see everything from all sorts of angles. For example, a simple decision about whether I should go to the Lion Park turns into a litany of streaming thought: if I go then I won’t have as much time to run, but then I might be missing out on hanging out with people and then again I would have to get up early and maybe I need to just have a day where I can do whatever I want, although, I don’t always get these opportunities to do things off base so maybe I should jump on it, but I like to sleep in and it is a day off and well I don’t know. I play out all the pros and cons. Sometimes this can be a great help when really weighing in on decisions, but other times I end up torn between the choices and pondering for a while.
Then on the other hand, I make a decision and that’s that. There’s no question. I will follow through and there’s no wavering. Before I started running yesterday, I decided to run a 10k. So I did. I decide to climb a rock. So I do. No matter the cost, the time, the sacrifice, I follow through with the decision.
I live in this juxtaposition of knowing exactly what I want and yet seeing all the implications of all the potential choices. Yet, as I’ve written about before. I’m in a time of waiting. I would much rather go find all the choices and play out the scenarios in my head so I can at least be torn over them and then decide. Instead, I trust, I rest, I ask, I set my eyes, I wait.