While taking a shower this morning, I had a random thought and question. My lovely roommate kindly picked up some shampoo and conditioner for me since I finally ran out and didn’t go into town. I spent yesterday afternoon climbing and soaking up the sun instead of going to town, which was exactly what I needed. Anyway, I tried out the new shampoo and condition, smells delicious by the way, and realized that the conditioner instructions said to towel dry hair, put in the conditioner, wait a minute and then wash out. Normal except for the random part about towel drying your hair and then getting back in the shower. Yeah…not going to happen. But here’s the question for you. Do you follow shampoo and conditioner instructions? Do you wait that minute? Or do you just do whatever you want? Do you even read the instructions? Okay, that was more of a string of questions, but you get the idea. As for me, I like to read the directions and I typically follow the instructions. Not always to the minute, but you get the idea.
I get to play at the park in Intabazwe tomorrow and I am pumped!
Friday at Hope House resulted in teary eyes and good-byes. The caretaker let me know that Lindo’s uncle was coming that day to take him home and that he wouldn’t be coming back. I already miss him. my heart is breaking. At least I can pray for him.
Philippians 1:7 I hold you in my heart
You’re the center of the universe
Everything was made in You Jesus
Breath of every living thing
Everyone was made for You
You hold everything together
You hold everything together
Christ be the center of our lives
Be the place we fix our eyes
Be the center of our lives
We lift our eyes to heaven
We wrap our lives around your life
We lift our eyes to heaven, to You
ht: Center by Charlie Hall
“Imagine taking a walk in a beautiful forest on a splendid summer’s day. The earth is ablaze with the fire of God and the sights, sounds and smells are enough to make you want to take your shoes off before the burning bush. But if your mind and heart are hopelessly torn, and if, for example, you are painfully infatuated with someone who has just rejected you, you will see virtually nothing on this walk-not just of beauty and creation, but nothing at all. You are inside yourself, torn by your pain, endlessly reviewing past and future conversations, possibilities, and fantasies. For all you are actually seeing, hearing, or smelling of beauty and nature, you could just as profitably be walking in a parking lot or a rubbish dump. You are locked in an inner world whose obsessive reality absorbs all your awareness.”
Fireflies are out tonight
Air is heavy and the moon is bright
I love this time of year
I talked to you this afternoon
You said you didn’t have very much to do
I said I’d be here
So come on over, come on in, come on by baby
Otis Redding makes me feel good
Dancin’ in the kitchen barefoot
All the windows up, just can’t get enough
Headlights on my front lawn
I guess it didn’t take you very long to decide
To come on over, come on in, come inside baby
Won’t you come on up, come on in, come inside baby
There’s just something ’bout the way
The way you talk to me
You give just what I need
And when you come around my feet can’t find the ground
I’m losin’ myself like a drop in the rain
You twist me up like a hurricane
I can’t stand up for fallin’ down
So come on up, come on in, I like it when you come around
A minute ago there were a million stars
And now it’s soaking wet out in my backyard
Let’s take cover baby
But you just wanna run around in the rain
You make me laugh like a kid again
Loud and crazy baby
There’s just something ’bout the way
Otis Redding by Sara Evans = Perfect lazy song
My head automatically tries to see everything from all sorts of angles. For example, a simple decision about whether I should go to the Lion Park turns into a litany of streaming thought: if I go then I won’t have as much time to run, but then I might be missing out on hanging out with people and then again I would have to get up early and maybe I need to just have a day where I can do whatever I want, although, I don’t always get these opportunities to do things off base so maybe I should jump on it, but I like to sleep in and it is a day off and well I don’t know. I play out all the pros and cons. Sometimes this can be a great help when really weighing in on decisions, but other times I end up torn between the choices and pondering for a while.
Then on the other hand, I make a decision and that’s that. There’s no question. I will follow through and there’s no wavering. Before I started running yesterday, I decided to run a 10k. So I did. I decide to climb a rock. So I do. No matter the cost, the time, the sacrifice, I follow through with the decision.
I live in this juxtaposition of knowing exactly what I want and yet seeing all the implications of all the potential choices. Yet, as I’ve written about before. I’m in a time of waiting. I would much rather go find all the choices and play out the scenarios in my head so I can at least be torn over them and then decide. Instead, I trust, I rest, I ask, I set my eyes, I wait.
teaching little kids, teaching college classes, working with college kids, owning a coffee shop while making the mugs myself, planting a church, moving to another country, running an orphanage, working at a fitness place, making and decorating cakes, running a women’s shelter, counseling, social work, working outside, leading missions teams, getting married, teaching english as a second language, discipleship, going to seminary, getting a phd, writing a novel, writing for a newspaper or magazine, working as an editor, working for the un, being an ambassador, involved in international development, working at an embassy, mentoring, learning guitar, learning piano, teaching tennis, running a marathon, running a marathon on the great wall of china, learning how to snowboard/down hill ski well, learning web design, learn how to drive stick, learn to swing dance, do triathlons, designing flip flops, writing a bible study, owning and running a bakery, living on a beach and running on the beach, wearing flip flops year round, planning parties, studying astronomy, see solar and lunar eclipses, being a photographer, traveling around the world being a food critic or a a photographer, teaching overseas, peace corps, facilitating an internship program, climbing K2 and other big mountains, own horses, own a big fluffy white dog, see the wonders of the world, being a house parent, adopting, living in a tree house, backpacking across the US/Europe/etc, founding a ministry, running an after-school program for kids, running youth camps, and well probably a lot more, but there’s a random list 🙂
Turn it Up by Aaron Lines (258): Happy summer music and a happy someday.
Everclose by Matt Wertz (247): I fall asleep to music on repeat.
Good-bye My Lover by James Blunt (229): I know hurt.
Ever the Same by Rob Thomas (173): Chill happy
Girl Next Door by Saving Jane (164): Sometimes I feel like this.
Home by Michael Buble (162): I love home and the feeling of being home even when it’s not a place.
When You Say Nothing at All by Ronan Keating (160): Songs from movies make me happy.
I Always Liked that Best by Cyndi Thompson (153): I like that feeling…
For All Time by Soluna (146): So…what? I like love songs 🙂
Crush by Mandy Moore (145): I love being sparkled
Kiss the Rain by Billie Myers (141): I know what it’s like being far away
That’s Where it is by Carrie Underwood (141): Once again…I like that feeling
You’re Like Coming Home by Emerson Drive (130): Home is where my heart is
Take You Back by Jeremy Camp (126): I love Jesus
My Jesus by Todd Agnew (123): I want real, authentic life
Have a Little Faith by Mandy Moore (112): All about faith, hope and love
You Said by Shane and Shane (112): I say a little prayer for you
The Lover after Me by Savage Garden (102): Sometimes it hurts
Misconception by Matt Woods (97): I listen to catchy songs on repeat
On a Night Like This by Dave Barnes (95): I believe in love stories
Lovin’ You Lovin’ Me by Chris Cagle (93): Real love, real life
Every Little Thing by Hawk Nelson (91): I want to be that girl
You’re Beautiful by James Blunt (90): Tragic, but powerful
Summer Girl by Jessica Andrews (87): I wear flip flops
Everything There is To Know About You by Mark Wills (84): I love asking questions
*Disclaimer: Just to clarify the playcount totals are from my computer only and not the combined totals from both my computer and iPod. So, in all reality I’ve probably listened to Turn it Up over 500 times. hehe 🙂
“I have to trust that I can really know a person. Deep-down, hearts-connected, honest-to-goodness, truly know someone. I desire to be known in that way, and I desire to know others on that level. And I refuse to believe that intimacy is only a sandcastle waiting for a wave to erase it from the shoreline. Some things just have to be real.”
Circumstances, situations, and people resulted in some of my sandcastles to be washed away, but through it all I agree with Alece. I won’t stop trusting. I won’t stop risking. I won’t stop letting others into my world even when I want to runaway. I refuse to let the past determine the future even though it’s hard. If it was easy it wouldn’t be worth it.