1 Year Ago

A year ago:

• I started blogging.
• I graduated.
• I did not have a job yet. 
• I was living with Carrie and Keely (and Abby the dog)
• Liz and I took pictures after graduation

A few things from this past year:

• I kept blogging.
• I got a job. 
• I started Seminary.
• I learned about friendships, relationships, heartache, community, church, God, hope, myself, faith and so much more.
• I moved into a different house with Amy and Mandy.
• I got a Mac.
• I helped start a church. 
• I bought a bike. 
• I accepted an internship.

I could go on, but you get the idea. What a year!  I definitely cannot say that I would have ever guessed that I would be where I am today a year ago!

Since I Seem to Be Forgetting…

Happy Things in Life/Things to Be Thankful for (not a comprehensive list):

1. I got into Seminary
2. I have enough money to go to Seminary
3. I have a job
4. My pretty bike
5. Being able to run
6. Playing cards and games
7. Curly/wavy hair so I don’t have to spend lots of time making it look decent
8. More books than I can read at the moment
9. My puppy that still greets me at the door and will sit outside on the deck with me and eat my gum and whatever else I give him
10. God

Thankful Sunday :)

I am so thankful:

• that this weekend is over!!!!  Weird thing to be thankful for, I know, but such is life.
• for the prayers that were said for me this weekend–thank you, Los (and all the people who were praying with him), Carrie, Liz, and anyone else.
• for Mike and Sara…they’re pretty much amazing.  I am in awe at how God used them last night through their actions and words.  I am not one who is hardly ever able to cry in front of people, but for some reason I can in front of them.  Sara sat with me and let me cry before taking me on a walk (I’m definitely a walk and talk girl).  There is such power in being able to sit with someone and share in their sorrow without having to talk.  (reminds me of Job and how his friends sat for days before speaking).
• board games (like rook, wizard and settlers!)
• my bright, happy room
• and a lot of other things, but I’m tired….so bedtime.

Oh, the Opportunities!

Here’s the post: Please Don’t Shoot!! I’ll Write I’ll Write

Here’s the question: What would you want to do in life if YOU HAD to do something different than you are doing now?

Here’s the answer: Writer, baker–minus the early hours,go to seminary and then be a counselor, church planter/missionary wife, owner of a ceramics studio, bookstore owner, personal trainer, professional athlete. (yeah…I wanted to add some more!)

So Many Thoughts

Wow, I feel like my head has been turned upside down and is ready to burst with all the thoughts I have running through it.  Thank-you Carrie.  Yikes.  I have so many blog topics that I want to run with and embrace but now I’m overwhelmed to the point where I don’t know how to pick!  So, I’m going to give you a snapshot and then decide later (aka tomorrow or later this week) which topics I want to pursue further with the written word

Me: “How do I live a life with purpose, with meaning, with passion?  Does this mean that I have to change jobs? What if I have to move? Will I give up the comforts I’ve embraced to chase after Jesus?  Wait a minute…do I even know how to follow Him, yet alone where He’s leading me!?”

“Big ideas…am I thinking too small?”

“Am I an F or a T? Who knows…but personality types sure are interesting”

“I love the deep, searching talks yet so often I leave wondering where to begin and what I need to do.  I want to change so many things and figure out things, but…”

“Alright, life…what are we waiting for?  I don’t want to live in a ‘when this happens’ life begins kind of state.  I want to live life now and embrace my current situation-the good, the bad, all of it.  Help me let go of the ‘when I get married or when I have money’ ideas.”

“I’m waiting for someone with passion.  I’m not settling.”

“I screwed up. I’m sorry.  I sinned and now what am I going to do about it?”

“I got hurt. So what? Jesus was betrayed–he didn’t throw a pity party so neither should I.”

Performance Review

What if God gave out Performance Reviews?

Prayer: You’re doing much better, but you still have plenty of room for improvement. Also, what about listening a bit more? Sometimes you get a little talkative and get off subject. I encourage you to be brave and pray more with other people. Oh and one last thing. Praying right before bedtime usually makes you fall asleep.

Bible reading: What happened?? You were doing so well for a while. I know life got busy with graduation and moving, but I had hoped you would still keep with the before bedtime reading. What about lunch time? That might be a good time to read a little and then pick up the before bed and first thing in the morning. You really don’t need to check your e-mail ten times in the morning.

Church: I’m so happy that you like Hope and the Church Plant and that you genuinely miss being there when you’re away. Keep pursuing community. I know it’s hard, but keep at it. Also, keep finding ways to serve and be an integral part of Hope and Antioch Community Church.

Contentment: I know, I know, you had hoped this one wouldn’t come up. I know you want things that you don’t have. I know the desires of your heart. So, let’s keep working on this one.

—
Okay, so I’m lacking on substantial big topics. I know there are plenty more that I could touch on, but you get the idea. I had my 90-day performance review at work. Yikes, I am WAY emotional. I have known this about myself for a while, but today brought it home. I have a hard time seeing the positive (even if there are lots!) alongside the negative. The negative strikes home and becomes all that I remember. I become irrational and feel like I am being personally attacked. I go into the “I’m a horrible person, ect” cycle and get caught up. Rationally, I am thankful for the tips on what I can do better and areas where I need to improve because I honestly want to do the best job that I can in everything that I do. Feedback is important and is helpful. I just need to get beyond the self-esteem issue and wrap my head around the logical, rational side that sees how the criticism will be beneficial and helpful in the end. This covers all areas of my life from spiritual to emotional to work-related to physical to relational. Now, to get to work on changing and improving!

Would You Be Missed??

Seth Godin wrote a great blog asking the question whether or not companies or people would be missed.  If Target went out of business, would it be missed or would you just go to a similar store? What about Pizza Hut? With so many options and easy replacements, are there that many stores that would truly be missed for a long time?  The same goes for people in companies and jobs.  I want to be someone who will be missed, someone who made the place I was better to the extent that I’m not easily replaceable.  I want to be that specialty lightbulb rather than the regular.  What are you doing today that will make you missed?

Loving on the Driscoll Sermons…

I’ve discovered I really enjoy listening to podcasts on my way to and from work and even sometimes when I go running. The only thing I don’t like is that I don’t get to take notes and write down the fun quotes. This week I’ve listened to the series on Ruth. Love it. Go listen. Plus, the book of Ruth works as a great read in one session story. At the same time, a lot can be unpacked from the book.

The last sermon I listened to challenged me to think about the way I wait. Ruth met Boaz, sparks flew (even though she was dirty and had worked all day and definitely did not look her best), he fed her, gave her a job, and things looked like they were going in the right direction. Except then she just had to continue to work for 6 weeks…and nothing. She didn’t demand to talk about the relationship or demand marriage. She didn’t “pursue” him. She waited and worked in the field. I am so impatient! Especially with boys because I just want to know where we stand and have that be that. Like Dave Barnes calls it: The Inbetween.

Another point that resonated with me today came in the form of the statement that’s said all over and I’ve heard a million times, but for some reason I liked it today. “Marry the girl/guy you can’t live without. Not the one you can live with.” Life lacks color and excitement without them.

The stars gleam

The poets dream

The eagles fly

Without you the earth turns

The sun burns

But I die without you

Every little thing that happens you just want to call that other person and share it with them. My friend in Australia summed this feeling wonderfully: I want him to experience all of this with me and share this experience with him.

Don’t remember that rush of joy

Don’t lose sight of who you are

Every so often we long to steal

to the land of what might have been

but that doesn’t soften the ache we feel

when reality sets back in…

There’s a girl I know

He loves her so

I’m not that girl

I still reach for my phone and hit speed dial 2 only to find the spot empty…even though I know the person who used to hold that spot in my life, my heart, and my phone has moved on to someone else, I still find myself dying a little inside. So here I am, trying to learn how to wait for the next number 2 who can’t live without me and how to become a better number 2 myself in the meantime. Until then, I’ll be calling 3, 5, 6, 9 and 7.

I’ve heard it said

that people come into our lives for a reason

bringing something we must learn

and we are led to those who help us most to grow

I Love “My” Graduates!!

I am realizing that one of the big parts of my job is getting to know “my” graduates and being able to help them along the way. I love solving problems and working things out for them. Being able to inform them of policies that work in their favor or make their lives less stressful makes me happy.

Last Thursday, I was able to inform one of the graduates that she did not have to rush to get her classes in due to a certain policy. She was so relieved and it truly sounded like that took a big load off of her shoulders. Having just graduated in December, I know how busy and stressful the last semester of college can get. From finding housing, a job, dealing with change and just finishing school work, life gets busy! Anyway, to finish the story…the girl I was able to help was SO sweet and made a point to stop in the office to drop off candy for me to say thank-you for all my help. This totally made my day and reminded me how even these little things can make a big difference. She took the time out of her schedule to get the candy and bring it to me. A sacrifice, but totally realistic.

Another graduate added on the end of an e-mail to me, “I think you just may be my favorite person here!” Again, this did not take that much time to add on, but it’s that little extra that makes a difference. I want to make more sacrifices like this in my life so that I can bring joy and show thanksgiving to other people who come into my life. I want to take the time to get to know “my” graduates as much as I can so that I can help serve them better and show them that I do care if they graduate or not and if their lives are stressful. I want to help in any and every way I can.

How about you? Any fun stories like this? Or how have you sacrificed to “make someone’s day”?

I’m staying…

Now that I am officially employed full-time…I guess I’m staying in the area for a while. Very weird to think about! Even though I kind of assumed/thought I would be…still. The realization that I have to find new doctors, dentists, places, ect makes me a bit sad. I like home even though I know I don’t want to be there now and that I’m not supposed to be there. Funny how I’m more homesick now than I’ve ever been–I don’t really get homesick…

But when I was driving the other day I just wanted to be able to drive to that place where I drive when I don’t know where else to go…the place you drive when you don’t want to go home quite yet, the place that gets you every time, that makes you smile even if you’re crying, yeah that place…

So, I’m staying…but looking for that place.