Soaking It In

I’ve become a SLOW reader. Why? Because I want to soak up every little bit of literary crafting in order to fully let the words get into my heart and not just my head.  I’ve been plugging my way through Mark Batterson’s new book Primal and needless to say, I’m intrigued.

I so appreciated his reminder that “silence is one of the soul’s love languages” after coming from a place that exudes silence (a farm far from town) and going into a small, but “noisy” city.  I love getting away in the wilderness…

Along with that, I SO needed the following reminder: “But if God is speaking to your heart, don’t let your mind get in the way of what God wants you to do. Sometimes loving God with all your heart simply means listening to your heart instead of your head.” Whoa, so good. When God invades my heart in such a shattering way, I don’t want to get caught up in the silly games my head plays. God completely changed my heart this last year and I’m letting Him come deeper so that my heart can respond with a big “YES” regardless of how it looks to my head.

So, what do you think? Are you looking for a primal faith? Ready to go on a quest for the lost soul of Christianity with Mark? Check out the book here or when I finish my copy, I’ll send it your way!

p.s. Check back tomorrow for another great quote from Primal and some thoughts about what breaks God’s heart…

*This book was provided for review by the WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Songs and Lyrics for Leaving “Home”

Why are you crying…let me lift up your face… just don’t turn away. To where will you go, child, tell me where will you run.  Cause I’ll be by your side wherever you falling, dead of night whenever you calling, please don’t fight these hands that are holding you, my hands are holding you.

You may find me in the midnight, falling down upon my knees, riding out another storm praying for some peace even when I feel alone Jesus this I know You will never leave me, you will always be the one who is holding onto me…i will not give into fear cause lord i know you’re here.  though my heart is breaking…I’m standing strong because I believe you have promised me You’ll never leave.

love is here, love is now

If there’s no other way, I’m done asking why.  Cause I’m on my knees begging You to turn to me. I’m on my knees Father will you run to me.  One tear in the driving rain. One voice in a sea of pain. Could the maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart? One life that’s all I have. Right now I can barely stand. If you’re everything You say you are would you come close and hold my heart. So many questions without answers Your promises remain. I can’t see, but I’ll take my chances to hear you call my name.

ht: Sidewalk Prophets “These Simple Truths” album and Tenth Avenue North “Over and Underneath” ablum

9000 miles

I’ve read before that home will always be the place for which you feel the deepest affection for, no matter where you are.  I’m feeling this so much right now.  I may be in the town I grew up and the place that much of my family lives.  But, home seems so far away.  9000 miles feels so far, but hearing Lindo’s voice this morning makes everything seem a little closer.  I never knew I could love/hurt so much by being away from ‘home.’  When I look at the picture of Lindo and I above, I see home.  I love what it portrays: love, happiness, joy, fullness, fun, patience, gentleness, and most of all feeling at home.  I say it over and over, but here I’ll say it again and again: God is BIG.  He answers my prayers. He listens to me. He holds my heart when it’s breaking. He wipes my tears for the millionth time.  He gives me passion. He fills me up with His love.  He gives me perfect gifts.  He gives me more than I could ever ask for or imagine. Above all, He loves me.

I will rejoice in the day that the Lord has made.  I rejoice that even when I’m feeling far away from home, He gave me a piece of home by letting me hear the voice a little boy who is 9000 miles away.

Laying on the floor…

Love this! Here are some of my favorites with my comments in italics:

I’m a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

Lord, here I am, send me. Keep breaking my heart for what breaks yours. Let Your love overflow.

No moment from my God is a rock of burden…it’s just a rock waiting to be broken apart into stepping stones.

Even this moment…this moment when I’m laying on the floor crying. You are using it to make a stepping stone toward something beautiful.  You are the potter. I am the clay.

choose joy

here am I. I choose You tonight and Your joy.

if what you do does not resonate with you… it is not really going to matter to anyone else.

talking about passion gets me energized and makes me come alive. talking about kids and life changes and God completely invading your heart…yeah, that’s the good stuff.

some pursue happiness..others create it

I may not control the circumstances, but I choose joy and I choose to let God give abundant life in Him.

fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds.

let everything I say and do be a reflection of You.

Monday Musings

• excited to listen to this podcast when it comes out and love some of the thoughts Perry posted already:
  • Love for her intimacy with God…and not just the information she knows about Him!
  • When you focus on what you do not have (a relationship) more than you focus on Jesus and His Word…the result is usually compromise.
  • AND…YOU DO NOT HAVE TO COMPROMISE…EVER!!!  If I could sit down face to face with every single girl I would say the same thing…WAIT for God’s best…it’s worth it.
• had my first “see you in His timing”
  • my heart is already aching at the thought of saying more of those soon…
• hung out with Lindo today….man, that kid is too much fun and I love his family
  • definitely made me smile today
  • working on making a video of the tons of pictures I have of him
  • can’t wait for next week so i can give him a soccer ball and whatever else random I find in town for him…so what does a 5 year old like?

  

• “no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD.” ht: note
  • The weapon of jealousy will NOT prosper against you because we will CELEBRATE what God is doing
  • The weapon of feeling insignificant will NOT prosper against you because HE MADE YOU SIGNIFICANT when He saved you and called you…your significance comes from your salvation…not from “success” in ministry.
• can’t wait to see this girl.
• asking God to hold me tight tonight and help me fight
  • feeling a bit broken tonight.
  • getting away with Him.
• listening to this guy thanks to his free music. 
  • speaking of music. integrity music and their free song on friday makes me happy

Camping Out

I’ve been camping out in Isaiah and here’s a verse that God pulled to my heart today:

“But you will not go out in haste…For the Lord will go before you and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.” -Isaiah 52:12

Battle

Isaiah 54: 17 No weapon that is formed against you will prosper.

“This is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and coheir with Christ

So firm on His promise I will stand

and I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here”

Spending time praying tonight.  What can I be praying for you about?

Pressing On

Nanowrimo weekly update: I am officially at 6,365 words!!! Still quite a ways to go, but I’m pretty happy with the progress. Not to mention that I’m absolutely loving writing about “God-threads” and fictionizing (yes, I made that word up, but I like it) events from a different perspective.  Here’s to 43,635 words to go!

p.s. I had a fabulous weekend full of worshiping on a mountain, eating pizza with some awesome people, playing spades, going on a walk, laughing, playing with kids at the park, and obviously some writing.  How was your weekend?

Lyrics on Repeat

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me

Oh how he loves us, so
Oh How he loves us, how he loves us so

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
So, heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

He loves us

~

We have all we need in You
And all we need is You
All we need is You

You can have all my hands can hold
My heart, mind, strength and soul
Be my all, all consuming fire

~

And I’m madly in love with You

I missed you too…

I am bursting at the seams with love and am completely overwhelmed with the love God has for me.  This weekend was a tough one.  One of battle after battle.  Not listening or entertaining the lies and distractions that desperately want me to believe that I’m not enough, that they won’t want me to come back, that I need to lose weight, that he’s gone, and that their actions say they don’t care, etc. Rather, holding fast to His words of truth and promises by reading His Word and prayer while laying things at the cross.

Yet, God turned the tide and came like a rushing stream last night and this morning.  My fellow interns prayed for me as I let the tears fall down my face.  I sat vulnerable, broken, and honest about the hard weekend.  Afterward, strengthened by prayer, God provided a source of life, of passion.  The timing worked out that I stayed up late editing a curriculum for the Leadership Summit classes.  I devoured every word and came alive.  I could barely sleep. When I woke up to see the sunrise, I found myself drawn to Isaiah where verse after verse captured my heart.

Isaiah 58:8-9 “Then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring forth and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry and He will say, ‘Here I am.’”

Isaiah 61: 10 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness.

Isaiah 62: 4 But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”

As I write, tears flood my eyes and stream down my face because I am so broken by His love. So broken to feel the love of God.  That even through everything, He keeps saying, “And I’m madly in love with you” and to show you that I’m going to give you an amazing gift today:

My heart broke in July when I had to say good-bye.  I cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers for him.  Each Friday still made my heart happy, but not like when he was there to give me a hug. Today, I got that hug I’ve been wanting for months. He played with my hair, I met his new family, I held him in my arms, I said I love you over and over, we sang Hakuna Matata, and he jumped up on my shoulders.  All the things that I loved and missed.  Yet, he stole my heart all over again and brought tears to my eyes when I heard the sweet words:

“I missed you too”