Finished!

Woot! After weeks of hard work, we finished the house!  From building the walls to ditema, we pressed on toward the goal.  I can’t believe that I participated in nearly every part of building a house from bottom to top.  I touched cow dung.  I mixed dirt and water to make bricks.  I painted the designs on the sides of the house.  But, more than that, as an intern group, we came together.  We worked as a team to help each other out and encouraged each other to keep going despite the tasty smells and exhaustion that comes with hard work.  I am so thankful for how Tara and Andrew faithfully played with cow dung and smeared it on the walls.  For how Allen spent weeks prepping and putting the roof on the house.  For Chelsea’s singing and smiling face.  For Jen’s patient endurance.  For Amiel’s willingness to make mud and more mud and more mud.  For how Kelly and other staff members faithfully drove us to work on the house.  For Sam going to get water.  For the kids who gave us much needed play breaks.  Now, we have one more week to plant a garden, say our good-byes, and give the kids lots of hugs knowing that this house will stand as a testimony of God’s love for years to come.

Friday’s Make My Heart Happy

“You know all my thoughts.  You see through my ways.  And still You come to me.  So I sing a love song to You.  From heaven above, from earth down beneath.  Your love rains down on me.  You know all my thoughts.  You see through my skin.  And still You come to me.  And so I sing a love song to You.  You walk on waves.  You run with clouds. You paint the sky for me to see.  Your majesty, Your majesty is why I sing.  And this is a love song to You.  My life’s a love song to You.“

*Zandile came to Hope House two weeks ago and she’s absolutely lovely.  Praying that God will do BIG things in her life and that she will choose to let her life be a love song to God as well.

Just to Be With You

More often than not, whether at the park or at Hope House or anywhere with kids, I find myself with a new hair style.  Sometimes cute.  Sometimes full of knots.  Sometimes I leave just a little bit messier. Simply put, I love it.  I’ll take messy hair any day as long as it means I get to spend time with these kids and hear their stories and sometimes even just be with them without saying much.  Just being there to show them I’m here to hang out with them and I care while letting the hair break down the barriers and open up doors to relationships and conversation.

My 100 Things

In honor of my 500th post, I present to you “My 100 Things.”

1. I had my plans of “success,” money and a high-powered job. So I definitely would have thought you were joking if you told me I would be a Christian.

2. Let alone a Christian who loves missions

3. And left everything to come to Africa

4. Where I found my heart and my Jesus for real

5. Where I would be baptized (check out the new picture I updated on this post!)

6. To celebrate being a new creation and fully surrendering and trusting my everything to Jesus

7. After living in Africa for a year, I can “kind of” tolerate certain bugs

8. But not snakes or big spiders. I am not a fan.

9. Who knew I would love getting up early to watch the African sunrise from my window

10. Or that running in circles in fields to make extra distance would make my heart extra happy

11. Nature captures my heart

12. Everything from meteor showers to shooting stars to sunsets and sunrises to the moon to stars to waterfalls to snowflakes to rainy days to green grass to mountains connects to my heart and fills me up while reminding me of God

13. Flowers (though, NOT roses…I do not like getting roses) and gifts make my heart soar

14. As does picking people up from the airport and getting picked up

15. I love finding secret places outside and exploring

16. Sitting on a rock or on top of a mountain fills me up with awe

17. I loathe fake Christmas trees and love to cut down the real ones

18. And I love Christmas lights

19. Mittens not gloves—they’re useful for carrying things like keys

20. Barefoot not shoes

21. No socks. Ew…..I hardly ever wear socks, they’re so constraining and not happy

22. I used to always have short hair because I didn’t like it touching my neck when it was up in a pony tail while playing tennis

23. I love that my hair is extra long now.

24. I go in streaks of hairstyles…my current one is braids

25. My room is covered in quotes, bible verses, pictures, and happy things

26. I am a pack rat to the t.  Give me anything and I will keep it.

27. I also have a tendency to wear things out until I find that most of my shirts have holes…but I’m still wearing them…I have a hard time throwing things away, did I say that already?

28. Oddly, I hate wearing jeans.  They’re not comfortable. Give me dress pants, sweat pants, gauchos or anything else.

29. Skirts and dresses are especially nice

30. For clothes and life bright, happy colors and pastels are my favorites

31. I recently bought paints in “happy” pastel colors because I recently found out I love painting

32. I wish I was more crafty, but I try

33. Ceramics makes a nice balance.  I could make bowls all day long

34. Happy.  Is not just a feeling, but also a way to describe clothing, music, food and flip-flops among other things.

35. Things must be “happy” in order for me to justify spending money

36. I don’t spend money easily

37. But that comes back to being indecisive

38. I weigh out all the options and play it back and forth in my head.  I see so many potentials.

39. But some decisions are easy….like how I would take all the kids from Hope House home with me if I could and how I would stay here in a second

40. Another thing I am not indecisive about is my preference for vanilla/white over chocolate.  Vanilla milkshakes, white chocolate, white cake. Yum.

41. Except I do love better than sex cake and I have a new found appreciation for brownies, but I still prefer vanilla.

42. I pretty much always carry the book I’m reading and my bible in my purse

43. I have 4 bookshelves in my room at my parents house and I still have more books than that

44. I dislike not having all my books in one spot

45. I so want a huge library in my house someday

46. Also, I so want a huge, white fluffy dog someday

47. And a godly husband who pursues God first, avidly protects purity and holiness, and really lives out 1 Corinthians 13

48. 1 Corinthians 13 in the amplified version gets my heart both giddy and weighted with how amazing love really is and that God truly loves us like that

49. I used to think that knowledge meant gathering all the information and being able to get that “A” on the test

50. I was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to school….

51. Nothing less than an “A” was acceptable

52. I realize now that for me I NEED to put things into action and practice to actually “know.”  I need the application step.

53. Which is hard for me since I love to gather information and often don’t take the next step.

54. I knew about Jesus and the list of things Christians do, but I didn’t “know” Him or recognize the connection between loving Him and obeying Him

55. When you trust Him, He brings such sweet freedom into your life

56. And He helps me stand on those promises that I am beloved, the Lord’s, complete, that there is no condemnation, that I am a new creation, that He delights in me, that I am born of God, I am God’s child, and that He fulfills ALL my needs, He is my all in all

57. I write all over my bible

58. I used to hate writing in books because it makes them look messy.

59. Now, I love adding that personal touch in certain books, not all.

60. I am a huge fan of words and the meanings of words and the root words connected to the word

61. Yet I don’t really like playing scrabble…maybe I’ll keep giving it a try

62. And you’ll find all sorts of references in my bible to Hebrew and Greek words and meanings

63. Even my blog is titled after a Hebrew word

64. B’ahava means “with love”

65. I want to do everything “with love”

66. And to show others that I believe in them and that I see their potential

67. Because Jesus loves and sees us that way

68. I don’t know if I’ll ever get a tattoo

69. But if I do and I might then I want a Hebrew word

70. Maybe even the word “Hephzibah”

71. Because then every time I looked at it, I would be reminded that I am enough in Him because He delights in me.

72. Writing makes my heart happy

73. Editing too.

74. Though, I am not a fan of the serial comma and I firmly think that commas are overused.  They make things look messy and cluttered.

75. I am a vegetarian.  Sounds funny, but I’ve been one since February.

76. I don’t miss meat.  I have never craved it either.

77. Baking fills my heart up and I love trying new recipes

78. But banana bread holds a special place in my heart

79. Whenever I go to the grocery store, I totally fall for the “new” or random things

80. My iTunes has 48.6 days of songs and I am SO that person that listens to a song on repeat for like 30 plays and yes, I keep track of my plays.

81. Except I’m in a process of eliminating songs that are not uplifting

82. I strive to make all of my words those that build up and speak life

83. I often fail

84. But Jesus is refining me

85. I used to not sing out loud because someone told me once I didn’t sing well

86. But I don’t really care anymore because I love singing to God

87. And I love singing Hakuna Matata with Lindo and giving him big hugs

88. And music moves me

89. Touches my heart and can instantly bring me into the presence of God

90. Which is why I need to get rid of the music that doesn’t do that

91. Along with that, I absolutely LOVE playing music loud with the windows down in the car

92. And dancing in my room or the bathroom or the shower or anywhere really

93. I confess I bring my computer into the bathroom to play music while I take a shower–I’m sure that’s not good for my computer, but that’s okay

94. In the end, I want my life to be about letting everyone know about God

95. And the abundant life that is found in Him

96. By living to glorify Him

97. Through following Him

98. Speaking words of life and

99. Coming alive

100. To do everything with love that overwhelms, empowers and transforms

New Creation

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, she is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.”

2 Corinthians 5:17

Baptism.  A public celebration, a declaration of faith in Christ, a new creation.

And I’m madly in love with You.

“I’m searching for a life that hasn’t been there before.  Speak life into the darkness. Speak life into my lungs.  Fill my soul as deep as the ocean.  Reaching for your love.  All that I can do is give it back to you. You take my old skin and made it new again.You have made me new.  A new creation. Bring out the colors my heart’s yet to see.  The night’s on fire for the warmth of your love. Speak life into the darkness.” -“New Creation”

“Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?  Therefore, we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:3-4

“I will betroth you to Me forever.” Hosea 2:19

“I am the Lord’s.”Isaiah 44:5

“Beloved.” Romans 9:25

“Belonging to the Lord.” Isaiah 44:5

“My delight is in her.”Isaiah 62:4

“So, let us know, let us press on to know the Lord.” Hosea 6:3

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name: you are Mine… Do not call to mind the former things or ponder things of the past.  Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth…I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” Isaiah 43:1,18-19,25

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12

“I am enough because He is enough.” -Alece

Monday is My New Favorite Day!

Playing balloons games and laughing so hard…

Lindo and his new “mom”

Kids at the school and Lindo

Highlight of the day: hearing “I love you!” and “Ke a o rata” (I love you in Sesotho) as well as hearing from his “sister”/cousin that he talked about us all week.  God is SO big and I am SO in love with this family and Lindo.

I Am No Longer That Woman

The book Hinds’ Feet in High Places captured my attention from the beginning with the storyline, characters, and words.  In the story, Much-Afraid, the main character, is on a journey to the high places so that she can enter the Kingdom of Love and be with the Shepherd.

Along the journey, the Shepherd takes her on a path that leads away from the high places.  She questions Him about this with tear-filled eyes and in response He tells her, “No, it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible,” and the author writes, “He was leading her away from her heart’s desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back.”

I love her response to Him: “I will go with you for you know I do love you and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please.“

She also later after she has gone through trials and held onto the Shepherd’s promises, she says, “I was that woman, but am not that woman now.“  She said because of an “inner and secret mark [that] no one would have noticed any difference outwardly but all the same a deep inner change had taken place, which indicated a new stage in her life.”

As for me, I recently wrote about how God overwhelms me with love.  He holds me close and is leading me on a journey.  A journey that brought me to a crossroad where I chose and continue to choose to dig deep and press into Him.  Now as I read these quotes, I see that I have come to a new stage that I am no longer that woman.  That I am continuing and must continue to choose life, choose freedom, and ultimately choose Him.  Every day learning how to lay it at His feet and let Him choose anything that He wants for me. Letting the “bold” things in this blog be my prayer and my promise. All to bring glory to Him.

I missed you too…

I am bursting at the seams with love and am completely overwhelmed with the love God has for me.  This weekend was a tough one.  One of battle after battle.  Not listening or entertaining the lies and distractions that desperately want me to believe that I’m not enough, that they won’t want me to come back, that I need to lose weight, that he’s gone, and that their actions say they don’t care, etc. Rather, holding fast to His words of truth and promises by reading His Word and prayer while laying things at the cross.

Yet, God turned the tide and came like a rushing stream last night and this morning.  My fellow interns prayed for me as I let the tears fall down my face.  I sat vulnerable, broken, and honest about the hard weekend.  Afterward, strengthened by prayer, God provided a source of life, of passion.  The timing worked out that I stayed up late editing a curriculum for the Leadership Summit classes.  I devoured every word and came alive.  I could barely sleep. When I woke up to see the sunrise, I found myself drawn to Isaiah where verse after verse captured my heart.

Isaiah 58:8-9 “Then your light will break out like the dawn and your recovery will speedily spring forth and your righteousness will go before you; the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.  Then you will call and the Lord will answer; you will cry and He will say, ‘Here I am.’”

Isaiah 61: 10 For He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness.

Isaiah 62: 4 But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”

As I write, tears flood my eyes and stream down my face because I am so broken by His love. So broken to feel the love of God.  That even through everything, He keeps saying, “And I’m madly in love with you” and to show you that I’m going to give you an amazing gift today:

My heart broke in July when I had to say good-bye.  I cried so many tears and prayed so many prayers for him.  Each Friday still made my heart happy, but not like when he was there to give me a hug. Today, I got that hug I’ve been wanting for months. He played with my hair, I met his new family, I held him in my arms, I said I love you over and over, we sang Hakuna Matata, and he jumped up on my shoulders.  All the things that I loved and missed.  Yet, he stole my heart all over again and brought tears to my eyes when I heard the sweet words:

“I missed you too”

Weighty

I stood at the doorway waiting to bring in the Jell-o for the game to see who could eat it the fastest through a straw.  My eyes watched the room from afar.  Looking at the wide range of emotions on the kids’ faces and seeing their reactions to counting stickers.  When I looked closer, I saw and felt hope.  These kids live at Hope House.  A House that can be filled with Hope.  An expectation of things to come, the potential for changed lives filled the room.

Suddenly, my attention turned to a cry from outside the room with commotion.  I turned to see what happened.  Katleho (above) sat on the floor crying.  I asked what had happened to find out that he had fallen forward with his head hitting the floor first.  A bump already popped out and a previous scar from another fall stood out.  My heart reached out with my hands as I tried to hold his hand.  The caretaker tried to drag him to his feet by grabbing his hand, but I went behind asking if I could carry him into the kitchen.  I picked him up, not noticing the wetness, and sat with him on the floor.  I asked the caretakers about Katleho’s seizures and if he was taking his medicine along with if he was up for adoption.

Desperately, I wanted to take him home with me along with all the other kids.  I wanted to hold them in my arms and give them the one-on-one attention they crave.  Yet, more than that, I wanted to show them that I believe in them.  I believe they can.  I don’t want to say, “I can do this for you.” I want to empower them and overwhelm them with love. To feel the weight of the glory of God and the weight of His love for them.

1 Corinthians 13:7 “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything”

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken

He calls us to be salty.

To let the world see the difference.

He calls us to repentance.

To stand on the promise that we are chosen by God, holy and dearly loved.

He calls us to love and walk as a new creation in Christ.

To experience the Hands of the Healer.

He says “Follow Me.” Immediately.

To show us that he doesn’t run away from our needs, even needs wrongly met, because they reveal something about us that He wants to transform, to redeem, to deepen our roots through relationship with Him.

He looks at the Samaritan woman with love and maybe we should say: “Look at what potential she has for God.  See how hard she’s trying to find the right thing in all the wrong places.”

To ask us if we looking at messy, real lives and saying “that’s wrong” or if we are penetrating the walls and masks to seek why they are in such trouble in order to love them where they are?

He reminds us that our message is not that we have it all together.  Our message is that we know the one who does!

To let us rest in shalom שָׁלוֹם: nothing missing. nothing broken. life as it was meant to be.