My 100 Things

In honor of my 500th post, I present to you “My 100 Things.”

1. I had my plans of “success,” money and a high-powered job. So I definitely would have thought you were joking if you told me I would be a Christian.

2. Let alone a Christian who loves missions

3. And left everything to come to Africa

4. Where I found my heart and my Jesus for real

5. Where I would be baptized (check out the new picture I updated on this post!)

6. To celebrate being a new creation and fully surrendering and trusting my everything to Jesus

7. After living in Africa for a year, I can “kind of” tolerate certain bugs

8. But not snakes or big spiders. I am not a fan.

9. Who knew I would love getting up early to watch the African sunrise from my window

10. Or that running in circles in fields to make extra distance would make my heart extra happy

11. Nature captures my heart

12. Everything from meteor showers to shooting stars to sunsets and sunrises to the moon to stars to waterfalls to snowflakes to rainy days to green grass to mountains connects to my heart and fills me up while reminding me of God

13. Flowers (though, NOT roses…I do not like getting roses) and gifts make my heart soar

14. As does picking people up from the airport and getting picked up

15. I love finding secret places outside and exploring

16. Sitting on a rock or on top of a mountain fills me up with awe

17. I loathe fake Christmas trees and love to cut down the real ones

18. And I love Christmas lights

19. Mittens not gloves—they’re useful for carrying things like keys

20. Barefoot not shoes

21. No socks. Ew…..I hardly ever wear socks, they’re so constraining and not happy

22. I used to always have short hair because I didn’t like it touching my neck when it was up in a pony tail while playing tennis

23. I love that my hair is extra long now.

24. I go in streaks of hairstyles…my current one is braids

25. My room is covered in quotes, bible verses, pictures, and happy things

26. I am a pack rat to the t.  Give me anything and I will keep it.

27. I also have a tendency to wear things out until I find that most of my shirts have holes…but I’m still wearing them…I have a hard time throwing things away, did I say that already?

28. Oddly, I hate wearing jeans.  They’re not comfortable. Give me dress pants, sweat pants, gauchos or anything else.

29. Skirts and dresses are especially nice

30. For clothes and life bright, happy colors and pastels are my favorites

31. I recently bought paints in “happy” pastel colors because I recently found out I love painting

32. I wish I was more crafty, but I try

33. Ceramics makes a nice balance.  I could make bowls all day long

34. Happy.  Is not just a feeling, but also a way to describe clothing, music, food and flip-flops among other things.

35. Things must be “happy” in order for me to justify spending money

36. I don’t spend money easily

37. But that comes back to being indecisive

38. I weigh out all the options and play it back and forth in my head.  I see so many potentials.

39. But some decisions are easy….like how I would take all the kids from Hope House home with me if I could and how I would stay here in a second

40. Another thing I am not indecisive about is my preference for vanilla/white over chocolate.  Vanilla milkshakes, white chocolate, white cake. Yum.

41. Except I do love better than sex cake and I have a new found appreciation for brownies, but I still prefer vanilla.

42. I pretty much always carry the book I’m reading and my bible in my purse

43. I have 4 bookshelves in my room at my parents house and I still have more books than that

44. I dislike not having all my books in one spot

45. I so want a huge library in my house someday

46. Also, I so want a huge, white fluffy dog someday

47. And a godly husband who pursues God first, avidly protects purity and holiness, and really lives out 1 Corinthians 13

48. 1 Corinthians 13 in the amplified version gets my heart both giddy and weighted with how amazing love really is and that God truly loves us like that

49. I used to think that knowledge meant gathering all the information and being able to get that “A” on the test

50. I was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to school….

51. Nothing less than an “A” was acceptable

52. I realize now that for me I NEED to put things into action and practice to actually “know.”  I need the application step.

53. Which is hard for me since I love to gather information and often don’t take the next step.

54. I knew about Jesus and the list of things Christians do, but I didn’t “know” Him or recognize the connection between loving Him and obeying Him

55. When you trust Him, He brings such sweet freedom into your life

56. And He helps me stand on those promises that I am beloved, the Lord’s, complete, that there is no condemnation, that I am a new creation, that He delights in me, that I am born of God, I am God’s child, and that He fulfills ALL my needs, He is my all in all

57. I write all over my bible

58. I used to hate writing in books because it makes them look messy.

59. Now, I love adding that personal touch in certain books, not all.

60. I am a huge fan of words and the meanings of words and the root words connected to the word

61. Yet I don’t really like playing scrabble…maybe I’ll keep giving it a try

62. And you’ll find all sorts of references in my bible to Hebrew and Greek words and meanings

63. Even my blog is titled after a Hebrew word

64. B’ahava means “with love”

65. I want to do everything “with love”

66. And to show others that I believe in them and that I see their potential

67. Because Jesus loves and sees us that way

68. I don’t know if I’ll ever get a tattoo

69. But if I do and I might then I want a Hebrew word

70. Maybe even the word “Hephzibah”

71. Because then every time I looked at it, I would be reminded that I am enough in Him because He delights in me.

72. Writing makes my heart happy

73. Editing too.

74. Though, I am not a fan of the serial comma and I firmly think that commas are overused.  They make things look messy and cluttered.

75. I am a vegetarian.  Sounds funny, but I’ve been one since February.

76. I don’t miss meat.  I have never craved it either.

77. Baking fills my heart up and I love trying new recipes

78. But banana bread holds a special place in my heart

79. Whenever I go to the grocery store, I totally fall for the “new” or random things

80. My iTunes has 48.6 days of songs and I am SO that person that listens to a song on repeat for like 30 plays and yes, I keep track of my plays.

81. Except I’m in a process of eliminating songs that are not uplifting

82. I strive to make all of my words those that build up and speak life

83. I often fail

84. But Jesus is refining me

85. I used to not sing out loud because someone told me once I didn’t sing well

86. But I don’t really care anymore because I love singing to God

87. And I love singing Hakuna Matata with Lindo and giving him big hugs

88. And music moves me

89. Touches my heart and can instantly bring me into the presence of God

90. Which is why I need to get rid of the music that doesn’t do that

91. Along with that, I absolutely LOVE playing music loud with the windows down in the car

92. And dancing in my room or the bathroom or the shower or anywhere really

93. I confess I bring my computer into the bathroom to play music while I take a shower–I’m sure that’s not good for my computer, but that’s okay

94. In the end, I want my life to be about letting everyone know about God

95. And the abundant life that is found in Him

96. By living to glorify Him

97. Through following Him

98. Speaking words of life and

99. Coming alive

100. To do everything with love that overwhelms, empowers and transforms

Threads

I’m all over the board and feel like I have so many threads of a blog post coming together, yet not quite being enough to fully develop.  So, here are are some threads to follow:

• I read Acts 1 this morning and wondered about Joseph only to find that this post also touched on the subject.  I love and am standing on this:

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”  (Jeremiah 29:11, MSG)

So I take a deep breath.  Calm down.  Say a prayer of surrender…again.  And remember that I don’t want to be on someone else’s path regardless of how alluring or attractive it may appear.

Because y’all?  The Creator of the universe, He has plans for me.

And I don’t want to miss it.

• Nanowrimo reminds me why I love writing and why I love writing about things I’m passionate about…aka South Africa and the stories from here.  I’m pumped about this crazy story.
• When you find yourself in a hole, you usually either don’t know how to get out, don’t know you’re in the hole, don’t know how to keep yourself out of the hole….walking with people and helping them see how to stay out of those holes means being intentional, knowing them, spending time, asking tough questions, not letting “busyness” get in the way, and being passionate about walking in freedom.
• Hinds Feet on High Places is still rocking my world. More quotes and thoughts to come.
• God is HUGE.  I don’t want to put Him in any box.  I don’t want to put any of my time lines or worldly logic or anything else on Him.  He can do so much more than I can even imagine so why wouldn’t I pray BIG, why wouldn’t I expect BIG?
• Proverbs 4:25 “Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.  Watch the path (track, entrenchment=so firm that change is difficult or unlikely) of your feet and all your ways will be established.  Do not turn to the right nor to the left.  Turn your foot from evil.”  Fixing my eyes on Him and Him alone because He keeps reminding me that I can’t let others tell me who I am or define me or label me or let the plank in my eye take away from the promises I have in Christ.  I am complete in Christ.  I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me.  Yes, beloved, dig deep, but hold fast to this and who I am first and foremost.
• Good-bye’s are already hard…my heart is here and I love these people.
• I’m overwhelmed by this. Yet, God is BIG.
• Tomorrow’s a BIG day.
• Bedtime. Hope you enjoyed some random threads of my life.

Endings Mean Beginnings

Check it out–my newsletter for the month!  I pray this newsletter will open your eyes to see what I see and to see how God is at work in South Africa thanks to your support and prayers.

October Newsletter

b’ahava (with love): הבהאב
To let everyone know of the abundant life in Christ by living to glorify God through
following Him, speaking words of life, and coming alive in order to do everything
with love that overwhelms, empowers, and transforms.

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.-John 10:10

Behold, I make all things new. -Revelation 21:5

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

I Am No Longer That Woman

The book Hinds’ Feet in High Places captured my attention from the beginning with the storyline, characters, and words.  In the story, Much-Afraid, the main character, is on a journey to the high places so that she can enter the Kingdom of Love and be with the Shepherd.

Along the journey, the Shepherd takes her on a path that leads away from the high places.  She questions Him about this with tear-filled eyes and in response He tells her, “No, it is not a contradiction, only postponement for the best to become possible,” and the author writes, “He was leading her away from her heart’s desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back.”

I love her response to Him: “I will go with you for you know I do love you and you have the right to choose for me anything that you please.“

She also later after she has gone through trials and held onto the Shepherd’s promises, she says, “I was that woman, but am not that woman now.“  She said because of an “inner and secret mark [that] no one would have noticed any difference outwardly but all the same a deep inner change had taken place, which indicated a new stage in her life.”

As for me, I recently wrote about how God overwhelms me with love.  He holds me close and is leading me on a journey.  A journey that brought me to a crossroad where I chose and continue to choose to dig deep and press into Him.  Now as I read these quotes, I see that I have come to a new stage that I am no longer that woman.  That I am continuing and must continue to choose life, choose freedom, and ultimately choose Him.  Every day learning how to lay it at His feet and let Him choose anything that He wants for me. Letting the “bold” things in this blog be my prayer and my promise. All to bring glory to Him.

Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken

He calls us to be salty.

To let the world see the difference.

He calls us to repentance.

To stand on the promise that we are chosen by God, holy and dearly loved.

He calls us to love and walk as a new creation in Christ.

To experience the Hands of the Healer.

He says “Follow Me.” Immediately.

To show us that he doesn’t run away from our needs, even needs wrongly met, because they reveal something about us that He wants to transform, to redeem, to deepen our roots through relationship with Him.

He looks at the Samaritan woman with love and maybe we should say: “Look at what potential she has for God.  See how hard she’s trying to find the right thing in all the wrong places.”

To ask us if we looking at messy, real lives and saying “that’s wrong” or if we are penetrating the walls and masks to seek why they are in such trouble in order to love them where they are?

He reminds us that our message is not that we have it all together.  Our message is that we know the one who does!

To let us rest in shalom שָׁלוֹם: nothing missing. nothing broken. life as it was meant to be.

Soul Cravings, Part 3

“I am not who I want to be, but I am on the journey there, and thankfully I am not whom I used to be.”

“Let him change you at your core, then let your passions fuel your life.”

I am so thankful for the changes that God has worked in my life already and wait in expectation for Him to continue to work in my life.  I have a LONG way to go.  But, more than anything, I want to become the best that I can.  I want to give everything.  Give it all to Him.  I pray that as I prepare to leave, leave, and arrive in South Africa that I would continue to let Him change me, mold me, and form me into a better person for all of the things to come.

“The reason your heart leaps when you see greatness is that your spirit is drawn to it.  The reason we can experience the vicarious exhilaration of a great victory or an amazing accomplishment is that the human spirit resonates with greatness.”

This resonates so deeply in my soul.  I am reminded of Ayn Rand’s books and her gift in masterfully portraying the need, the desire for greatness.  For as with above, God wants greatness.  He wants us spur us on toward living and excelling within our gifts, abilities and strengths.  ”Only God can take you where you were born to go.”

Soul Cravings, Part 2

“There is only one reason for God to come himself, because in issues of love, you just can’t have someone else stand in for you.”

I have never thought of this in quite the same light.  How amazing that God came.  God came because He is love.  

Think on this.  You’re madly in love.  You met, became friends, and started dating.  He brings you flowers for no reason at all.  You take long walks and talk about anything and everything.  He takes you on dates.  He teaches you new things and you learn about each other along the way.  Your community (friends, church, family) actively engage and advise on your relationship.  Everything is going perfectly.  You want to spend the rest of your life together.  

His friend shows up at your door with flowers and a ring.  He proposes to you for your love.  What!? I don’t think so!  I, for one, would not be happy at all if someone else proposed for him.  Even more, I would be sad that he was not there.

So, in all reality, it makes sense that God came.  He came to show His love.

The Letters

Read on if you’ve read The Letters by Luanne Rice and Joseph Monninger.  If you have not read the book, you may want to stop here and come back because there will be SPOILERS!  Thanks to the Hoochee book club for the suggestions (I’m just a bit late on posting this…though I did read the book the week of Christmas…still late, but not as late as now!)

Heart-wrenching, heart string-pulling letters. The kind of letters that make you want to get up and yank two people back together. At least until you find out about a few specific reasons that caused them to drift apart. 

Affairs. Emotional. Physical. Break.my.heart.

Thankfully, I’m usually not a crier, but I will say that my eyes may have teared up a little.  But I was also angry.  Angry that they would let this drive them apart.  Angry that she would do that.  Angry that he would leave.  But sad.  Sad that their son died. Sad that they were shaken to the core. Sad that people would manipulate them for money.  But thankful for letters that kept them connected, that helped them share and open up when everything seemed too hard.  

All of that to say that even now my feelings about the book are a mixed bag.  I read it in one sitting. Devoured it and yet I’m left with an aching to know what happens next.  I do love the idea of falling all over again through letters. I’m a romantic at heart, admittedly.  So, did you read it?  Thoughts?

p.s. I totally want to go to Alaska and go on a sled with dogs

16 (Random) Things

So, I got tagged on facebook, but I’m more of a “blogger” than a “write notes on facebook” so I’m going to cheat and do this on here.  Let’s see where this takes us…

Directions:
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I will only buy something if it fits the ever changing definition of “happy.”  For example, I found the most amazing shoes at Ron Jon Surf Shop and let me tell you they were the epitome of happy.  Comfy, leather, green and white flowers. 
2. I will have 4 bookshelves in my room at home when I leave for South Africa.
3. I trust easily.  I will give people the full benefit of the doubt whenever possible.  Yet, I struggle with trusting God in many things.
4. I will show you every possible angle and not let you generalize about things. This may drive you nuts…
5. I gave up drinking pop/soda.  I last drank pop probably in fall 2007.  The only kinds I crave are Orange Soda and Root Beer–in the form of Root Beer floats.  Occasionally others, but not as much as those two.
6. White chocolate is my downfall.  I love it. I could eat it all the time.  Lindt White chocolate truffles especially.  
7. I get attached to things and am bit possessive.  For example, I’m in love with my bike and am already sad to be leaving it.  I also get attached to books and get all sentimental and can’t bear to think of giving them away.
8. I could walk on the beach for hours and hours, miles and miles, and not get bored.
9. I am a pen clicker.  Give me a click-y pen and I will click.
10. I made a goal to take/pick a picture a day for this next year.  In the end, I want to make a sweet collage.  So far, so good.
11. I prefer small silverware.  Small spoons, forks, knives.  Especially at Coldstone when you can use the “sample” spoon.
12. Toast with peanut butter and honey is one of my favorite snacks.
13. I love cake. Better than sex cake, strawberry cake, white cake, funfetti cake, everything.  Though, I’m not a huge fan of chocolate frosting.
14. I like to play songs on repeat.  ”Turn it Up” by Aaron lines has 237 plays on iTunes, which is not counting all the other plays on CDs and my iPod.
15. I used to collect quotes. All sorts. I would post them all over my room.  I did the same with fortunes from fortune cookies.
16. I leave for South Africa “next” week.

Yikes, do I really have to pick 16 people?  Nah, 16 is way too many people to tag in a blog.  Facebook, sure. Here, nope.  But, I will say thank-you, Sarah for tagging me on facebook!  Hope you enjoy my random list and I hope you’re doing well across the ocean!

The Year Through Pictures

So…I’m a copy cat.  Annie had this awesome post and so I wanted to do the same:

January: Ringing in the New Year–ready for a fresh start

February: A little salsa dancing fun before “real life” aka full-time job-ness sets in.

March: No homework means time to make fun recipes like Cheesecake pops, read lots of books, take a ceramics course, and work out

April: “ 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

May: I said hello to love at first sight

June: Summer nights with friends and  enjoying our sweet deck

July: There were a few crashes along the way this year.  A few rough spots, but in the end the plastic pops right out and the head lights are millimeters away from being smashed.

August: Spent some time with family.  Said “Look at the bull ship,” which was interpreted as “Look at all this bull shi*” (say that 3 times fast and your family will think you are NOT having fun when really you are)

September: Life may be a little messy, but at the end of the day I can always turn to my “church family” for anything I need.  I’m going to miss them…

October: “Ransomed” God, theology, podcasts, blogging, life, and everything in between could always be found in our conversations.  I miss her already!

November: “But if the bright lights don’t receive you, you should turn yourself around and come on home.”

December: Stay warm with a puppy, lots of blankets and hot chocolate while looking forward to a New Year. 

Good-bye 2008. Hello 2009.